my hubbys an officer?

Question

My hubby is an officer! He's been one for 4 years! We got into our first big arguement about it! And yeah it was b/c we (kids and I) never see him! Which I never had a problem with before! Ok got over it! Now anytime we argue his work keeps comeing up! I know most officers end up in divorce, I dont want this to happen! What can I do to stop argueing about his work schedule? or is that even possible?

I am very thankful that he comes home everyday w/o being injured or anything!
and I do think of the troops fams that dont get to see their spouses for long periods of time trust me I pray for them everyday!

I luv the fact that he's an police officer! I would not ever ask him to quit and change his career! It's what he luvs doin!

Answer 1

This one is so close to being a military spouse, so I think I can relate to you. You're beginning to feel like you're a single parent, it's exhausting, kids, school, if you work, twice the workload. You want to spend time with him, but because of his chosen career, it's hard to even etch out a date. The kids ask..."Where's dad? Can we all go here or there together?" The explanation of why he can't is repeated to their little faces. That's tough too.

Arguing isn't going to be productive, he defends his work, why he does it and you go on the defensive as well, it keeps going around and around. There should be a big, fat warning label on these guys.

You don't want a divorce, I understand that, but are you prepared for the long, tough road ahead of you? You have to balance the checkbook, stay up with a sick child, go to most parent-teacher conferences alone, grocery shopping, all while trying to hold your sanity together. It's a really lonely place to be, but if you have a good support system: mom, sisters, good friends, it's easier to handle and you can take little breathers every now and then.

Would you rather the downtime spent with your husband be a good experience? Or would you spend that precious time he has off duty, arguing about something neither of you can change? Unless he's prepared and wants to do something else, he's going to resent the hell out of it and you for basically forcing him to choose.

It's your choice, you have to be willing to do most things alone.

Answer 2

Good morning Woohoo....I'm sorry to hear about your issue but maybe I can give you some advice or put this in a different perspective. My grandmother when she was alive, told me it takes a special kind of woman to be married to a man that is either a military man, truck driver or police officer/fireman. I asked her why. She said that these men were always away from home, which is very true. Their jobs take them away from family and friends and depending on the type of job they have, can be very dangerous. which is true also. I married a military man. He was always gone on manuvers, out on patrol, training and so forth. Never home. But I knew this before I became his wife. Sometimes we don't look at a situation with both eyes open. We hope, that what we have heard through gossip or from others that were in the same situation were fabricating so we assume on a different level what we don't know. I know it's hard to be married to an officer but you also knew that this was what your husband wanted to do. Support him. Being a military wife wasn't peaches and cream either. When he would be gone for months at a time I had to be both mother and father to our children plus the other responsibilities that went along with family matters. It wasn't easy and the stress was even worse at times but I managed and I lived each day as it came. The companionship and the lack of romance that had been temporarily delayed took it's toll but here again I set my emotions aside for the kids sake and also my husbands since I knew that if I felt this way he did too. I didn't want to upset my husband on small trivial issues either since he was fighting overseas and he needed to keep his mind on his job than to worry about what was going on at home or about my emotions running over time. This would not be good for him or his life so do speak. This also pertains to your husband knowing that his life is on the line due to his employment. If your husband is stressed over family issues or a working schedule then he's not keeping his mind focused on his job to where it could get him injured or even killed. Don't make his schedule into a argumental stomping ground. You knew that this could happen so grin and bear it, grit your teeth and bite your tongue and don't press the issue. Be patient and it will get better with time. Don't hound him, support him and remember he's trying to make his city safe from criminals that harm others, so keep this in mind. His schedule comes with the job. Place your feet in his shoes. What if you had a job that took you away from family and friends and your husband nagged you constantly on either changing your job or convincing your boss to change your schedule knowing the fact that your boss wouldn't but still got nagged by your husband. This would definitely place a stressful situation on your marriage. Just stop and think before you speak or act and feel what the other person might be feeling as well. I bet it's mutual. Hope this has helped. Try to be supportive and take each day as it comes. Life can be the "B" word at times but it does get better with time, a lot of love and patience. Have a blessed day!

Answer 3

TALKING IN A CALM MANNER MIGHT HELP!!!
Does he love what he does or does he do it just to make money? You are asking him to stop and do something else. Maybe there are other problems and he is hiding from you because he does not want to fight. You will have to sit down and listen to what he has to say and then he will have to listen to you. You can stop the arguing yourself. Find out what the problem is. Ask him if he wants to divorce and see what he says. There has to be a happy middle! Just remember there may be other things that he is keeping to himself and does not know how ot get them out. You have to talk to see what the problems are and you have to talk and listen calmly...

Answer 4

My husband is too and it's just one of those things that you have to deal with. Keep pushing and it won't be long before one of the chickie's at work is laying it out there. On my husband's department, everyone has slept with everyone and there have been so many marriages broken up. He used to get offers from female officers when they even knew me and knew that I was pregnant, no shame at all. Make home a happy place for him to come home to, that's what I do.

Answer 5

I doubt that your husband would change careers because of your complaints, or even if he did, would be extremely happy with you for coercing him into that decision, so I think that you will have to be the one to change.
I think you will need to change your thinking. Try thankfulness instead of blame. Try thinking, that what you and the kids get from him, timewise, may not be what you want, but it is enough. Sometimes we have to realize that our expectations are not going to be met, and therefore must learn to be grateful for what we are offered. No one has a perfect marriage, or a perfect life. We all have our cross to bear, so to speak. Make it be enough for you. Your happiness is your choice.

Answer 6

Good luck....You need to learn to plan your days around your hubby to get the time you need with him. You are not in control of his job or what time he has to be on the job. Maybe try not to bring up his job when you are fighting. My hubby is gone a lot it used to bother me also but, I guess I learned to spend more time with our son and, not worry about what he was doing. You have to have a life for yourself if hubbies job keeps him from going to the movies or out to dinner as often as you would like that's ok. Work around it. Spend the time you do have with him doing the things you both enjoy to do together.

Answer 7

In all honestly, you have it better than a lot of couples out there. Think of military families, they don't see their husbands/fathers for years at a time. I know it's tough but be thankful for the time you spend together.

Answer 8

hes a cop so most likely he is cheating on you. Cops have a lot of time on their hands while on the job and end up cheating as a result of it.for those who are wanting to bash me here,take it from someone who works around policemen EVERYDAY.They work 8-12 hour shifts and 75% of that time is spent cruising and not on actual calls.Being a cop is nothing like a cop show makes you think.

Answer 9

Respect what he does. don't spend your days thinking of him not there. Instead, make more out of the Time you do have.
Don't wast your togetherness on arguing about things that can not be changed.

Answer 10

this means that u lack communication with him and how is it possible not to know that in 4 yrs? talk to him and don't blame him entirely as its never fair to put the fault on one person.