Do you think it's ok for gay men to adopt children?

Question

I strongly feel it should not be allowed. Children have rights too.. the right to have a mother at least, and be raised by both sexes. I know there's lots of children out there without parents, or with only one, I just don't think 2 gay men make the best role models, especially for adopted children. What do you think?

I knew placing this question here was a minefield ;) I am definitely not racist.. sexist, maybe.. but not racist.
First, I would love to adopt.. but here in Australia there are hardly any children up for adoption.. the waiting list is HUGE. Overseas fees can exceed $100 000.
I firmly believe that if a loving heterosexual home is available, it should have priority.
I cannot begin to see a comparison between inter-racial adoptions and gay adoptions.... or single parenting for that matter. I believe same sex couples subject children to unneccessary bullying and confusion. It isn't 'natural' and yes, that's how I see it. I know all gays will object here.. but I don't really care, that's how I feel. I have known quite a few gay couples... their 'camp' behaviour is not appropriate for raising children. If America has such a huge problem with abondoned children, maybe it needs to look at why and address that. A change in morals may be a good start..

Dreamchaser: If you knew a lot about aboriginal adoptions within Australia you would not have said what you said. It is not common practice anymore to place aboriginal children into 'white' families..(australia is multicultural, not white!), only as a last resort. You are correct with your theories, however I have not, nor am I, ignoring the problems of inter-racial adoptions.. but this is simply another topic, not this question.

Answer 1

i totaly agree with u.i'm not prejudice against them but its not a haelthy & realistic way to bring up a child. once they are older,they can choose who they want to deal with,as a baby-they can't & gayness is confusing to them.

Answer 2

Many children brought up by "heterosexual" people are very unbalanced. There is no difference whether a child is brought up by homosexuals or straights. What matters is how the child is treated and what options the child is given throughout the upbringing. One might have an opinion that some people shouldn't be allowed to bring up children. I could have the opinion that people whom support violence like war, shouldn't be allowed to have children. However basing anything on an opinion will always harm one or several groups in a society, but the few that have the opinion will be very happy. Opinionism is not democracy. It is manipulation. Opinions and assumption also usually go together very close. As statistics are now, children raised in homosexual relationships are much more harmonic and stable, than most kids raised in heterosexual relationships. AND one very important factor is that these kids raised in homosexual relationship are NOT growing up to be homosexuals!!! The choice of homosexuality does NOT depend on whom you are raised with. It is not a secret that one of two children raised in a heterosexual relationship can turn out to become gay all the sudden. Noone has done anything wrong. Any assumption about anything being "right" or "wrong" without one really knowing first hand about the subject can be a devestating error. So, whether children are brought up by homosexuals or heterosexuals or wolfes, is all the same. Ordinary social behavioural patterns on a psychological basis does not apply to a sexual preference. Love is something that happens between minds - not bodies.

Answer 3

I think you should go and do some homework. Look at the mortality and delinquency rates for adopted kids raised in a "regular" (traditional) family unit vs. those raised in a home where both parents are of the same gender. I think you'll be surprised.

After all, whether you know it or not, many black people say the same thing about white people who adopt black babies or kids of other ethnicities from other countries.

I could ask you the same question - what gives white parents the right to adopt children not of their race? What happens to those children growing up in an environment where nobody looks like them? How do they learn about the culture they came from? What benefits do they have growing up with a mother and a father who are not the same race as them? And when there are so many orphaned minority children just in this country alone, why are whites so eager to fly halfway around the world to adopt a brown-skinned child from another country?

I'll be interested to hear what your opinion on this subject is.

BTW: Now that I've read your response, I just have to add one of my own. Being from Australia, you may have strong feelings about gay adoptions and I can't change that. But since I happen to know a bit about what happens when Aborigine and Maori kids are adopted by white families in Australia and New Zealand, I can't believe you can blithely overlook the kind of bullying - and worse - that these kids have to endure. What adopted kids of ethnic backgrounds face here is no better. And now I'm referring to traditional adoptions, not "gay" ones.

Answer 4

I think you have a huge misunderstanding of gay culture if you think that no gay couples have the responsibility and capacity to raise a child properly! Besides, there are TONS of heterosexual couples that should absolutely be kept away from children, much less raise them. But society doesn't worry about that because those kids aren't adopted. The parents have "rights". What about the kids' rights????

If you were in an abusive family living situation with an alcoholic dad and a verbally abusive mom, and you had a child molesting uncle... I firmly believe you would be better off being raised by two loving, happy guys who only want the best for the child. Throw in other factors, like income, education, extended family, and you could certainly find a ton of gay couples who would be much better parents!!!

Now, don't get me wrong. The gay guys trolling the clubs every night of the week who have a new bf every day... not such good parents. But you know what? Same holds true for heteros! And no one takes a kid from a mom when she behaves like that. HUGE double standard.

Answer 5

My "natural instincts" and my social conditioning, of course, make me feel rather strongly that the child needs to have his character and personality and life skills developed through close interraction with a parent of each gender, because they represent the two groups of people he is going to have to deal with for the rest of his life, and the child needs early role models in both.

The logical and realistic part of my brain is saying "Yeah, but wait a minute. How many children get raised by a male and female parent who are lousy role models, and often even abusive? What about the problems that we know occur with children who are raised only by a mother with no male role model? Also a big problem.

Conclusion: We really are all basing our thinking on our image of "the ideal situation" Those family images of the fifties with smiling mom in her kitchen apron, dad being the strong, kind, guiding "head of the family" and the children, all courteous, healthy, happy and well-rounded. But for the most part this scenario hasn't been around for a very long time. Maybe we a re going to have to slap ourselves upside the head and remind ourselves of this, and the fact that the best we can do is try to make, and practise laws that will ensure whoever is raising children and moulding new minds and personalities is following the rules and guiding those kids down the right road so that they have the best possible chance of turning into good, decent, honest and honorable contributing members of adult society. Personally, I don't think we are exercising enough supervision over the way so many children ARE being raised...... by whoever.

But, sadly, even having said all that, how can we ever get a satisfactory result as long as it is the right of ANYBODY no matter how unsuitable they may be, to produce children and then have full control of them? How, too, can we expect children to learn and grow and become the very best they can be, when we, ourselves, as individuals and as a society, are setting such horrible examples?

Answer 6

Let me understand this: So, are you saying a child would be better off with NO parents, than have two gay parents that would cherish, love and care for them? Or, are you saying single fathers should not be allowed to raise children, because they do not have a woman involved??

Honey, please reevaluate your thinking. The days of the "Dad, Mom and Kids" household are over. The nuclear family of 4 in a happy, stable relationship is a very very small minority. There are children out there who are abandoned, ill, in need of homes....and you would deny them a home because two people of the same gender (male in this case) want to adopt them instead of a married man and woman couple?

Children have rights too. The right to be loved, cherished, raised with family that will care for them, not abuse them, will provide for them, not neglect them... Not all children have the opportunity to enjoy those "rights".

The majority of straight sexual encounters has the potential to create a child. It isn't hard to make a baby. However, it takes someone special to be a Parent. Parents come in all shapes, sizes, ages, genders and orientations. It is how they care for the children that matters.

Answer 7

I think your mindset is heterocentric. The idea that males cannot be nurturers, that they are simply breadwinners.

But males can be both breadwinners and nurturers, much like women can be both as well.

In same-sex relationships it's actually more balanced it seems, seems that both people fulfill both roles of provider and nurturer, with better sharing of tasks associated with raising children, chores, and general sharing of responsibilities.

It's much like single parents, they can be both providers and nurturers. Gay men and lesbians do it as well but are less bound by gender roles, they don't feel that it's the male thing to provide and the female thing to nurture.

So you end up with fathers who are more than weekend dads to their kids(as in they don't work so much that they only see kids on weekends), and you have women who can do more than just nurture.

Also your question and opinion is rather sexist I find. You comment on gay men, not lesbians, as though women are inherently better parents than men. This is sexist pure and simple, and by so narrowly defining parenthood you just perpetuate that idea further, even though it has been proven false time and time again.

Your prejudice shouldn't stand in the way of a child's care. The child should be adopted into a loving caring home, regardless of something so infinitesimally unimportant as the sexual orientation of the loving parents.

Answer 8

I strongly disagree with you. Your perception of what a family should be is out-dated and even unrealistic. The reality is that the traditional nuclear family is not so common anymore. There are so many single parents, or children being raised by grand parents, aunts, uncles or there is the issue of divorce and remarriage, etc. etc. So many possibilities of what a family is today. The bottom line is that children need love and support, and it does not matter what one's sexual orientation is, as long as they can provide it to a child, that's all that matters.

You are against gay parents, not because they are bad or good people, but because you dislike their sexual preference. That's discrimination, isn't it?

Answer 9

I think it’s wrong to deny a needy child a good home period. We have so many unwanted children out there as it is, why not adopt them to a loving caring couple who have the means an ability to care for a child regardless of that couples sexual preference. Recent result from long term studies have shown that children brought up by gay couples come out as good if not better than many of those brought up in a traditional heterosexual couples.

Personally like I said before, it’s wrong to deny a needy child a good family especially, regardless of that family’s sexual preference when we have so many needy world wide and we have so many who are willing and quite able to help.

Answer 10

I have raised two -- both straight -- both very happy. They were both very close to my partner and I, and the remaining one still is -- I lost one to an automobile accident two years ago -- I'm not sure what your problem is, but I suggest that you talk to some adult children of gay couples, if you genuinely haven't already made up your mind and want to make a thoughtful decision.

Regards,

Reyn
[e-mail]
http://www.rebuff.org

Answer 11

Personally, I think the best role models for parents to be are ones that can teach children about unconditional love. There is no reason two gay men could not fit well into that capacity. Your views are very judgmental. I don't think that being so judgmental is a very good thing to teach children to be. There's enough of that in this world already...and what it leads to is not very pretty.