Ok first of all let me tell you that my husband is a really nice guy. He is kind,fun to be with and basically he's great!. But he treats me like a baby sometimes. (I'm 24 and he is 36). We have been married for 9 months, but still have not had sex. We were together for 6 years before getting married. We had sex before marriage, but once there was a pregnancy scare, and after that he kind of stopped wanting sex. Now even after marriage, he does not want it. I cant get him to talk to me about it, because when ever I try he just changes the subject which makes me really mad. I stopped trying after a while but underneath I'm really hurt and angry. How do I get him to open up to me and tell me what is going on?. I made an appointment with a counsellor but he couldnt make it. He keeps avoiding it. I'm so confused. And I have started to get jealous when I see other couples.
Please advice
2007-07-22 01:13:14 · 13 answers · asked by Sapphire 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have tried all that, I even told him that I'm going to divorce him, but he knows me better than that. He knows that I will never leave him.
2007-07-22 01:19:34 · update #1
That's a tough situation. Just a guess, but he is likely not one to open up about other things as well. How about you? Are you effective at expressing yourself? Maybe he has not gotten the point about how hurt and angry you are. Maybe you need to shake things up a bit and get your point across. If he came home one day and the locks were changed, he would be faced with having to do something. He seems to be clever at avoidance, so you need to be better at putting things up in his face that he can't avoid. Because he is a nice guy, that probably makes it hard for you to be "mean" but maybe it is time to get tougher with him. Don't give up on him, he is probably worth whatever you need to do to get this solved.
2007-07-22 01:32:01 · answer #1 · answered by I39 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Manipulate him and cry!! Well, don't just out right cry, first talk about how hurt you are by him, but don't say it directly, just sort of get him to get the picture and then start crying. While you're crying, say it directly that he needs to talk to you. Cry and cry until he gives you the slightest detail about your answer and then immediately stop crying and act like you are so happy that he's sharing with you. Make sure to hug him and kiss him while he does this and then listen very intently without judging him or saying a word. When he is finished talking, take your turn.
If the crying doesn't work, you either suck at acting or he doesn't give a damn about your feelings more than he does about keeping whatever it is locked up, in other words, maybe he's selfish.
2007-07-22 01:21:22 · answer #2 · answered by qwertatious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to get a whole lot more than angry and jealous. Sex is an important part of marriage in the sense that it is a personal exchange of intimacy, plus children can be expected. It appears he has shut down due to his fear of the responsibility of fatherhood.
IN many states, refusal to have family or to have sex is grounds to a divorce, did you know that? I'd seek an attorney. He is refusing to share the marital bed for sexual purposes. He is indeed a real messed up person mentally.
He does indeed need a lot of psychotherapy after undergoing all sorts of behavioral and emotional testing. This nice guy is a mask for an very repressed person, control freak, afraid of his shadow, afraid that people will not accept him. You went for the nice guy aspect, while not understanding many other important and significant aspects.
You should get into a therapist, a counselor to discuss your problems for getting and staying with him. At 24, you totally deserve a normal sexual man who is not a people pleaser, but a person with authentic values.
2007-07-22 01:25:14 · answer #3 · answered by Legandivori 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, I wouldn't know what to say, does he want kids? Maybe he is afraid you'll get pregnant and he doesn't want that? I don't know but I would go to counceling even if he doesn't. I wouldn't want to stay in a sexless marriage especially being as young as you are.
2007-07-22 01:17:59 · answer #4 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a heart to heart talk with him, and tell him that marital relations is essential for a happy marriage. If he needs help, get some professional help to get over his hangups.
2007-07-22 01:18:02 · answer #5 · answered by WC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he is dealing with a serious case of depression. He needs to see a doctor
2007-07-22 01:25:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) Either he is depressed
- or -
2) He's getting it somewhere else.
2007-07-22 01:29:07 · answer #7 · answered by ☎ Rotary Dial ☎ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you'll never leave him then he has nothing to lose does he?
2007-07-22 01:36:54 · answer #8 · answered by gypsy g 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just try to show him the comic side of you perhaps he finds you boring
2007-07-22 01:34:09 · answer #9 · answered by deji k 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him if he values the marriage he should talk. either he can speak to a therapist or a lawyer. talk should break the ice
2007-07-22 01:17:14 · answer #10 · answered by tencar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋