SIDS...does the ache ever go away??

Question

I lost my second born to SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome) 17 years ago.. He was born December 20th,1989 (was due on Christmas Day) and we lost him on February 10th,1990 (he was buried on Valentines Day)..he was only 6 weeks old...while Ive long ago learned to accept it and stepped forward with my life ...still to this day on the anniversaries of his birth and death and on Christmas I somewhat withdraw from everything.I feel his absence so intense on those dates it still hurts even after all this time.Each and every year I buy an ornament for the tree with his name engraved on it as well as the year (it helps me) it makes him a part of that Christmas.But I STILL dont celebrate Valentines Day (at all) ..Its a holiday reserved to represent love but for me its the anniversary of the date our loss was made final :( ... is there anyone else out there who can relate??..who's maybe suffered thru this themselves?? and if so... is there any way to make it easier???

Answer 1

I lost my daughter to cancer in 1990.
and also my mother-n-law lost her baby at the age of 10 days old. He would be 31 years old now.
I can tell you that we both still mourn the loss of our children.
Not a day goes by that I do not think of my precious daughter.
I know how hard it is.... And I feel for you and am so sorry for your loss. We belong to a group that we never wanted any part of.
I made a Memorial web site for my daughter and that helped so much. I worked on it for a very long time.
I also joined a Yahoo group called Angel Reminders.
Since we all have memorial web sites for our children.
We go and visit on the date they was born and the date they died and sign each others guest books.
They have free sites that help you build sites.
I use the Yahoo/geocities site. It works good for me.
You can do a search for free baby memorial sites.

It is so understandable why you do not feel like celebrating certain Holidays. I feel the same way. Esp. Thanksgiving.
We buried my daughter one day before that day.
But I now celebrate Thanksgiving.

I hope I was of some help.
E-mail me if you need more info. OK?
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Be sure and write in the subject line (yahoo Question Response) That way I know its not junk.

Hugs, faith

Answer 2

Although I did not lose my son to SIDS, I also lost a child and it has been 11 years ago. He was also my second child. My first child was a little girl that was 2 years old at the time. I don't like to talk about it much but I truly know maybe what you are feeling. When Sawyer died, I stayed in the bed for weeks and weeks. I was so numb and I believed that no one could possibly understand. I took medicine for depression that made me even worse and finally I decided to go and be with my mother. My dad had just passed away so I was in a horrible state of mind. One day I looked at my daughter and realized that she deserved her mother and not this woman that was crying all the time about things she can't change. God puts us where he wants us to be. Your life turns on a dime and there is always some big reason for it that you see later on. God doesn't make mistakes and as hard as it is to understand there are always blessings we miss because we are missing things that we are not allowed to have back. I am so blessed in my life and I was blessed to have my father and the ability to have children. I like to think that my dad is babysitting in heaven. Ha Ha You see they are not too far away. It hurts sometimes like it is so new. Try not to make a point to hurt yourself by not celabrating things in your life. The christmas tradition is a wonderful idea. Love is what we have and although we hurt to the core of our souls, love is what we need. My sincere are with you and I hope that you have better days. I dont try to figure out how my son whould be like because that makes me sad. I try to figure out how I can honor his memory with actions I choose as a mother that whould make him proud to be my son. My daughter is 12 now and I am busy. I enjoy every second because you of all people know not to take moments too lightly. I pray that your heart has a way of making those hurtful memories something less dreadful and more understood. Keep your head up. Thoughts and many prayers are with you, my friend.