Another piece, May I have your opinions please?

Question

What is a Lie?
A sentence that has no meaning
A blanket covering reality
A fear of Confrontation
A fear of Controversy

What hurts More?
The discovery of a lie
Honest truth
A lack of trust
The assumption of reaction

donna D - Thank you so much for your honest opinion.

Although rhyme is very commonly used in poetry, it is not the only form of writing a poem that there is. For me rhyming is very easy but getting a feeling or an experience that I have had across without it is actually more difficult. Again, thank you for your reply and I look forward to hearing your opinions in the future.

Peace,
Sam

For those of you who have read my prior pieces, and who gave to me such wonderful direction.
Do not fear for I am just merely going through the archives of my mind.

I know that this little piece is just a snippet of what I have.

I will continue on my journey and I thank you all for assisting me on my path to somewhere.


Peace & Love,
Sam

PS _ Thumbs up to all those who told the truth. :)

Answer 1

I usually like your poems, but this one leaves me flat. Sorry. It reads like a laundry list that took all of 2 minutes to put down. Your concept is fine, but you need to find another direction...this one doesn't work.

Keep writing

Answer 2

I think you have a good thought pattern. The problem is that it has no rhythm to it. A poem should have the same kind of rhythm like rap music and some words that rhyme.

By the way a Lie means to deceive or use deception, distort the truth, what hurts most, the loyalty & faith in each other has been broken between parties.

Amazing Grace was based on an African experience a soldier heard the tribal people moaning during the nights around the fire. Hum that to yourself to get the jest of the flow for the song. That is the basis used for rhythm and flow. Feel it! Anything you write, feel it!
Example:
If I were to paint a picture of you, I would color it with the rain
The sorows, the lies, and tint it with the secrets of your pain
If I were to paint a picture of us, I would color it with the sun
The love, the moments, in shades of happiness, and we have just begun.

Contex is everything, and not so much a check list of verification of the defenition of the words. Shorten your descriptions and place the meaning more into a story type of conversation. Keep it simple. Best of luck and keep plugging.

Answer 3

Sam, without quibbling with the poem's merit, the words do not convey what a lie is to me. Nor do they convey what "hurts more."

I got the feeling something happened and you just had to write this down but didn't "work" the concept.

Moreover, the piece didn't evoke anything within me.

That's my simple take. I agree it's a subject worth exploration.

Answer 4

I love it!Though I do go for and write much darker poetry.I have a poem called "Time's Lies".You should check it out under the "questions" section on my profile.All my questions are about my poems.I have alto so it may take you a while to find that particular one but that way you can read some of my other poems as well.Please check it out!Again, great poem.

Answer 5

I totally agree. There is no point in communication if lies are involved. A total waste of time. Not sure about the last line.I think it could be changed to something with more impact. Overall, I liked it, though.

Answer 6

Sounds like questions in an English book, not a poem.

Answer 7

You left out motivation. I know it's difficult, but if I may.

What is a lie?
what meaning,
a cover for deciet,
a place for hiding?

Controversy, painful?
knowing it's all a lie?
truth seems a distraction,
lookin for a reaction.

Answer 8

My opinion is
live without fear
you will die in due time
why should you fear weapons to inflict pain.
live like everyday is your last day on Earth,
so make it special.

Answer 9

nice questions... reality hurts more.