Every night when my husband comes homes he starts yelling & complaining about how he pays the bills, etc. He even turns off the A/C/ The house could be spotless, dinner fixed, you name it and he always finds something to complain about! It's getting old What can I do? I've tried ignoring him, yelling back and everything short of leaving him. Is this what he is trying to do, to make me leave?
2007-07-21 16:14:12 · 26 answers · asked by ms chip dog 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
God...I feel really sad for you. It hurts me to hear that you're in such a situation. I get the feeling that your husband is feeling very pressured and that there are stresses in his life that he is taking out on you. It's a very, very bad situation because it will kill your spirit and destroy the love that you once had together.
There are a couple of things that ought to happen sooner than later: (1) List the things that are hurting you most; (2) get him to sit with you when the two of you can be alone; (3) Focus on saving your marriage (if it is what you still want and belive is worth doing); (4) TELL HIM that his yelling is killing your spirit and that his words are hurting you and destroying your will to stay in the marriage.
DON'T THREATEN HIM. Just tell him - as often as you need to or as often as you can - that you love him and want to be with him - but that his words are hurting you and making it hard for you.
I know - beyond any doubt - that you are right in saying that the yelling is going to drive you out of the marriage if he doesn't stop. I know...because I was the yelling spouse and I lost my very best friend in the whole world. I will pay for that mistake for the rest of my life....and if I can keep him from loosing you, then it might have come to some good. HE HAS TO LISTEN TO YOU and HEAR you and understand the pain you are feeling.
KEEP TALKING TO HIM!!!! If the love that you felt for him when you were first together means anything to you still, then you won't give up on this.
KEEP TALKING TO HIM - it will save you thousands in divorce attorney fees and make your life much better. YOU WILL NEVER, EVER REGRET TRYING.
2007-07-21 17:17:19 · answer #1 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey sorry for what you are going through i know how it feels to feel unappreciated when you are doing everything right, I think therer is a deeper underlying issue with your husband than what meets the eye,You do not wna t to get into Yelling with him because it will drain you and make you angry,If he complains next time instead of ignoring him be the bigger person, still treat him with love get him to sit down, listen to what he has to say and encourage him i know you might not feel like doing that but it might calm him down, when he is in a better mode tell talk to each other commend him for how hard he works ( he might need to hear you say that) try to let him know you are here for him all the way and as he opens up you can sharewith him how it really makes you feel when he comes in and complains he might even open up to you too..If you do all this and it doesn't work get counselling together before you let it go remember it's for better or worse i know you'll do your best your man has a good woman he should be proud of cheers
2007-07-21 16:27:38 · answer #2 · answered by Versacetica 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd sit down and talk numbers, see exactly how much he has to complain about.
Then I would do everything he wanted and show him what that's like.
Then I would see if he's satisfied - if he is, it's time to leave since the ONLY person he's thinking of is HIM.
I l;ive in the tropics, and elecricity is not cheap, and we are going on one salary, but he realises I need to sometimes put it on, and doesn't mind since I do stuff in return. Sometimes they don't get that there are TWO people in this partnership.
If I were you I'd look at working from home without him knowing, in case I have to move. Then if it has to happen, I have a form of income.
If none of that works, go and visit a relative for two weeks. See how he copes, and what he's like after you gert back - then you'll have all the answer you need.
2007-07-21 19:51:40 · answer #3 · answered by Unicornrider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a control freak. Look at it this way. If you didnt do anything all day and he came home to a mess what would he gripe about then.
If he isnt coming home to a mess and there is nothing your nagging about then what is the point.
Sounds like a no win situtation your in. I mean ok i can understand if you werent doing anything and expecting him to come home and do this and that and everything but if not then i think your fighting a losing battle.
Either that or there is other things that are frustrating him and this is his way of expressing them
Maybe as him what you can do to make things more comfortable for him and if it is a outragous answer then i think that is your answer ~no win thing~ But maybe it is just a outlet for other things. But by what you wrote it sounds like a control thing.
2007-07-21 16:18:24 · answer #4 · answered by pandabr74 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Quit cleaning and give him something to complain about. Go somewhere else when he is due home. Come in in time for bed. When he starts complaining, tell him you are too tired. Have a good night honey.
I don't know if he is trying to get rid of you...chances are he is depressed and doesn't know how to communicate his confused feelings. Is he in his fourties? This is typical for some men during midlife.
Do what you can but you should not have to put up with this. It is emotional abuse.
2007-07-21 16:17:50 · answer #5 · answered by rcpaden 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing to do is to sit down with your husband and ask him what is going on. He may be taking other issues out on you. Many things could be causing his irritability from stress at work to some health issues. Just do not automatically jump to the conclusion that he is trying to get you to leave. Try talking to him first to see what happens. If he is not responsive to you then maybe you should look into getting counseling. Nobody is perfect marriage counseling will help you look at your faults as well as his.
2007-07-21 16:22:46 · answer #6 · answered by Tina #1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask your self this "Is this they way I want to live the rest of my life" then follow your answer. They don't ever change. I been married 31 yrs. My husband is exactly like that. I waited for the kids to grow up to leave. By that time he had MS and I would feel like a heel to get out now. He is now worse than he ever was. Do something while you have the chance.
2007-07-21 16:25:57 · answer #7 · answered by Glenda R 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who the heck knows what's on his mind?! Ask him to go to a counselor for anger management, or marriage counseling. If he refuses, you get into counseling and then you can make the final decision instead of waiting for the other shoe to drop, meaning, don't wait for him to leave. Why would you stay with a grump that's never happy? Kids? That's no reason. How many years do you expect to put up with his unacceptable behavior without doing something???
2007-07-21 16:24:20 · answer #8 · answered by DPL06351 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he may be having problems at work and he's taking it out on you. If he won't talk to you about it then ask him to go with you to counseling.
It might catch him off-guard if the next time he starts complaining just quietly ask him what you can do to make him happy. It will be interesting to see how he answers. Of course, you have to be willing to follow thru if he says something. ;-)
I wish you well and hope that this helps.
2007-07-21 16:21:08 · answer #9 · answered by Sage 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a calm, loving talk with him and bring this to his attention without being confrontational. If you don't feel like you can do this, you shouldn't be in a relationship with this man. You are obviously feeling stressed out by your husband picking apart your housekeeping abilities. If all else fails, just go stay with a relative or friend for a few days or seriously consider a divorce.
2007-07-21 16:17:52 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋