My 22 yr old son is sleeping on a Futon. Should I cave and get him a bed?

Question

He moved out early this spring and has been sleeping on a floor and a futon. He works full time at Walmart, and he never asks me for anything.
Truthfully, I have a lot of guilt over how poor we were when he was a little boy. I worry a lot about whether or not he is permanently damaged by the way life was when he was little, so now I help out when I can. I pay his college tuition and offer to help him out in whatever way I can.
Should I buy him a box springs and mattress? The one I looked at is $600+ dollars at Menards and it would be a birthday present.

He does not live at home. He lives in his own apartment 24 miles away. He stuck by me thru heart surgery and has helped me out a lot. He is not spoiled. He and I are just close.

Answer 1

Hint around, kidding and kind of throw the bed in the conversation and see what he says. If he seem happy the way he is, then leave it at that. If he seems happy about the ideal of getting a bed, that's you child, follow your heart, and get him the bed. He is a good child, and has been there for you, I say yes, if that's what he wants. It can be the birthday gift, that you were talking about. You are a good mom, and I am glade you have a caring son. As a mother, I trust you will go with.... that motherly instinct.

Answer 2

Dont ever feel quilty for having a rough start in life.If you provided food and clothing and made his life comfortable and showed him a lot of love when he was growing up then you have nothing to be ashamed of.Sounds like to me you taught him well about life.You say he s working full time going to college to better himself .Independents and responsebillty cant be bought only learned and looks like you get an A+ 100 on that part of growing up .Yea!! if you think that buying him a bed is alright my quess that he would appreciate it just fine.Stop worring so much sounds to me he understands the hardships he had as a youth and hasnt effected at all.you cant blame the past or change it now.It most likely has made him a stronger wiser young man,just show him how proud you are of him which I truly believe you alresdy do and he knows it too.

Answer 3

Ordinary I would say definitely not. But i notice he works. and It's obvious he doesn't make much money. He also is in college. I think we should help our children as long as they are trying to do something, Yes buy him a bed. it's o;k. When he finish college and get a decent job he may help you. As long as he is home and respect you. Do help him. But don't go for the permanent damaged stuff. That's a crutch that need to be thrown away now. Not later. Many people were very poor. And moved on in life. Even though he don't make much money he should have some financial responsibility around the home. l have read your additional statement since i wrote my note, The bottom line is "Help your son"

Answer 4

Well, is he happy with the futon? if he's happy with it, don't feel guilty about not being able to give him a bed. If he constantly complains about it, then maybe it might be time to give him a bed. Don't dwell on the past, he has the things he needs now, he goes to COLLEGE! He's gotten FAR! Hey, if he likes the futon, more power to him! And some people actually do think the floor is preferable to a couch or bed, weirdly enough. If he wants a bed, then he should get one. if he's fine with the futon, then don't worry about it!

Answer 5

I wouldn't worry about it. We have a futon downstairs and it is one of the most comfortable beds I have ever slept on. If he is working full time and going to school part time, he is probably so tired he could sleep on anything. Sometimes being raised on a tight budget makes you a stronger and wiser person and it doesn't "damage" you. Maybe you should just give him cash for his birthday present and let him buy what he wants with it? You sound like a caring mother, and I think he is fortunate to have someone love and care for him like you do. God Bless.

Answer 6

Yes, But not for $600 thats just Nuts Garage Sales have Nice Beds that are Just as good as the $600 ones, Whatever Bed you get it will be an improvment from the Futon.

Answer 7

Sounds like he's really trying hard to get on his feet, and he does sound appreciative. I think it would be a lovely thing to do, unless it would really hurt you financially. You don't have to feel guilty for his childhood: sometimes kids that come from a poor background are more driven. Again, the bed is a great idea. At least you're not thinking you should get him a huge tv to make up for something. Ya know?

Answer 8

Helping out your son is not bad...as long as he is not depending on you and is using you....you know the situation far better then any of us.
You have to remember, YOU are paying for his college tuition and helping him out with other bills.....that is in its self a great gift of love. Don't over due it because of your guilt of a poverty situation you may not have had control of when he was a child. He is an adult now and needs to stand on his own two feet.....quit baling him out of all of his payment jams. I know it is hard to let go...but, sometimes that is best in the long run.
I know...been there, done that...but, still love my son....even if he says things that hurt.....it is just because I have babied him for to long, before letting go.

Answer 9

Yes, get him a bed if you can afford it. Sounds like he deserves it, he is working, and sounds like a good son to. Don't worry about the past, you can't change it, and it only makes us stronger. If anything, he appreciates money and working more then other children might! Be proud, many parents have their children still at home, and not working or doing anything with their life!

Answer 10

Ask him how hes resting sleeping like he is. Ask him if HE wants you to buy him a bed an matress set, that will show that you care about him.
You can't blame your self for the past an can't make up for it by giveing to him the rest of your life.