We have been in a monagomous (well i have) relationship for15 yrs 4 yrs ago my mother had a stroke and he got a new job in a new state. Myself and my daughter went to my mothers and took care of her for 2 yrs. During that time he was relocating for a new career. We had a month or two of long distance discourse. Otherwise he came every wknd and holiday to be with us. however when we moved here he had not gotton a place ( he was living w/mommy again) His parents and all his coworkers had no idea we were together muchless that id been there for years nor did anyone know about our daughter. Ok i know some are curious, im well educated( coll. GPA 3.87) ex-model for mead,and at 40 i still have 20yrs young man telling me how hot I am. My downside luekemia, and reaccuring manic depression that comes with it. I work openly and honestly with my doctors to keep both under controll. 98% of people who know me would describe me as upbeat even, not sad or gloomy. i feel my times running out
2007-07-21 15:56:13 · 31 answers · asked by sxzartease 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's because you gave him EVERYTHING without commitment. Why get married if he has a woman who sleeps with him, cooks and cleans for him? Who even gave birth to a daughter from him? Let me ask you this, are you sure you want THIS marriage? He doesn't seem to want it and I don't think you should love him more than you love yourself. Have you tried talking to him by the way about this issue? How about confronting him and knowing what he thinks about it. You can always start another life WITHOUT him. Even married couples divorce and start a new life sometimes after 20 years of marriage. Good luck darling and remember to learn to love yourself, otherwise no one is gonna love you.
2007-07-21 16:17:04 · answer #1 · answered by Noona 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately the fact you have a daughter together does not make him feel obligated enough to marry you. When you live together you give the impression that you are satisfied with the relationship as is. You are playing the role of being married without the obligation. You know the old saying, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free? It appears that is his way of thinking.
You sound like a woman who has her act together. It also sounds like you deserve much more than what you are receiving from this relationship. You could try to push the issue of marriage with the understanding that he may reject your request. But would you really be worse off? I think you could do much better. Why would you want to stay in a relationship where you feel your time is running out?
I wish you the best of luck!
2007-07-21 16:12:18 · answer #2 · answered by Colleen G 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I believe that your guy of 15 years may be involved with another person or living a double life by not wanting the most important people other than you or daughter to know you even existed.
Your time is never up until you give up on life. Let me tell you this that I'm 44 years of age and found my life partner whom is 38 years old. I'm african/american and filopino and he's east indian and we view each other as a gift from God.
I think you should have long ago got answers to doubts you might of have had about your relationship with your guy of 15 years because what's happening now is the result of him not respecting you or being honest with you and the life you've thus far have shared with him or what life he's actually leading.
You need to analyze how you want your life to be for now and the future that includes yourself and daughter without this guy until he comes clean and really has respect for you and your daughter.
It doesn't matter what you've accomplish e.g. obtain a degree, financial success, or professional status. What is significant here are matter of the mind, soul and heart. Anyone can be decieve to believe one thing or another when were blind by so-called love. I will pray for strength, wisdom, patience, forgiveness, peace and love in your life. God Bless
2007-07-21 16:48:55 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The person you should be asking why he won't marry you is your boyfriend who seems like he doesn't want to marry you. Your time feels like it is running out because deep down inside you know he has been wasting your time. The real indicator there is a problem is his parents and all his coworkers has no idea that you too are together. I am not really concerned about your GPA in college, all you need is common sense. Your leukemia and manic depression should be a new lease on life. You must remember to live your life to the fullest. You sound like you recognize your positive attributes, so work them to your best advantage. Find someone that appreciates you and want the same things you want out of life. Good luck.
2007-07-21 16:07:47 · answer #4 · answered by Delicious 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel you might have a shortened life due to your lukemia, wouldn't you rather spend it with someone who FULLY loves you and gives you the commitment you so desire? Obviously the 2 of you must have very different views of marriage, which is a problem in and of itself. I would have left a long time ago but I understand you have a daughter. But how good an example do you think you're settinng for her? Now, I'm not slamming those couples who, TOGETHER, choose to not marry - there's nothing at all wrong with cohabitating. But it's only ok if BOTH people are ok with it!! It's NOT ok if one partner clearly wants to get married.
2007-07-21 16:06:57 · answer #5 · answered by bestadvicechick 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ever heard of the expression "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" That is why he won't marry you. Although if you have lived together for 15 years, I would assume that you are a common law wife.
It shocks me to know that after being together for 15 years and having a daughter, that no one had any idea that you and your daughter existed. That makes me wonder if he has a wife somewhere else. If I were you, I would get a PI and have him investigated.
If I were you, I would move on and find someone else who can love you, support you and make your relationship legal.
2007-07-21 17:00:04 · answer #6 · answered by janetrmi 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He won't marry you because you allowed him to live with you together and have a child without the benefit of marriage. Wow! He kept you a well hidden secret for 15 years? What a guy....such a prize you have. You have been deceived and to be quite honest, you allowed it to happen. Now I don't believe he will ever marry you. Why should he, as I said before you gave him a "common law wife" and a "wife" without him having to committ or sign a legal paper saying so. You are a better person than he, and with your illness of lukemia, you should be now thinking of your future and if he will committ. I would discuss this seriously with him whether he will marry you. If he tries to weasle out of it, I would really think of breaking off the relationship and moving on. But before you do that, remember you are married common law in the eyes of the law, and are entitled to income and your daughter is entitled to support from him, so he will not get away scott free. It is up to you. Personally I think you deserve better and should make a turnabout in your life now. It is funny...well educated, GPA 4.87, ex model but in choosing a man, you failed and had blinders on. You've got to find out why this man kept you and his daughter a secret, and if he is ready to marry you. If not...move on before it is too late.
2007-07-21 16:45:47 · answer #7 · answered by cardgirl2 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I spent 20 yrs waiting on my "soul mate". I finally realized its never gonna happen. Tell him how you feel, if you threaten to leave, you have to do what you say. Some people are meant to be in our life for only a season.(which I didn't realize until much later,) Sounds like you have been through alot, you can make it on your own. If he knows you want to get married and he has been giving you excuses, then he's not going to marry you (sorry), my grandmother always said why buy the cow, when you get the milk for free, I truly believe there is someone for everyone, and how will you find him if you're still waiting on this joker. Sounds like his season is over, its time to move on.
2007-07-21 16:17:43 · answer #8 · answered by superloanlady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that's the real question, I think it's why are you with a man, and have had a baby with one, without the benefit and commitment of marriage. Usually a man of good character will see after dating a woman for two or three years, if there is something there for marriage. If he didn't, then that was the time for you to move on...
2007-07-22 03:22:37 · answer #9 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you said his parents !? did not know about you or your daughter? how could you have not noticed that? marry you? you said he lives with his parents. it sounds like he just sees you on the weekend to get away from them. and sorta considers you a girlfriend. if after a couple months of dating, much less 15 years and a kid, if you dont know his parents that was your first clue. and on from there. so you have had leukemia and you have mood issues. and you think your time is running out, do you mean your lifespan or your time with him. clearly he is not going to marry you. sounds like he cant take care of himself. why, if he has a woman and a daughter does he not live with them, well, the answer is that they are not his primary relationship. whatever you have is what he is comfy with. and the fact that you did not demand marriage long ago, means that it long ago stopped being a consideration for him, if it ever was. i have compassion for you because you have these health issues. do you still see him every weekend? that may be the extent of what you have. do you want more, or are you content with this ? perhaps ask him directly what is going on. directly. ask him what you and your daughter mean to him and to his future. tell him you love him and need him. tell him you need marriage with him. be loving and direct. if he just says he likes it the way it is, it is possible to be happy with this. very happy. you already have a lot invested here. i assume everyone accepts you? then just enjoy that. i am going to say this gently, if you feel that your health issues are delicate and you are not up to doing what it would take to get a new man stay with what you have. does he pay child support? , above all, keep taking care of yourself and your daughter. you have a boyfriend who you say sees you often and now everyone does know about you. what if, if he says marriage is not going to happen but he cares for you the way things are, you just took marriage off the table? and lived happily ever after the way things are now anyway? it could happen. if you feel your health is going to be an issue in the future, i myself would just resolve to be very content in my situation and !!! devote myself to taking care of myself and my daughter.
2007-07-21 17:07:13 · answer #10 · answered by jaded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋