My husband of one year just recently found out that he may have a 3-yr old daughter. The mother of the child seems very willing to work out child support, and custody arrangements between the two of them, if paternity comes back positive. She even is willing to go to court and have the arrangements set in stone... I guess my question is... Is this normal? Or maybe the quiet before the storm? I hear so many stories, and terrible things that happen in these situations. Has anyone been in this situation? Any bad or good stories? I would love any feedback you may have. Thank you.
2007-07-21 15:28:31 · 17 answers · asked by Natalie 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It depends on the person - there is no blanket answer. Problems will arise if your husband and the mother have different opinions about how to raise the child, etc... Good luck - it can get rough if the mother is manipulative and vindictful. Maybe you'll get lucky and it won't be his daughter.
2007-07-21 15:33:51 · answer #1 · answered by Be me 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Where parents are willing to put the best interests of the child first, large drama need not occur. It's when the child becomes a club with which to beat on the other parent that things turn sour-- which is always bad news for the child.
One thing to note, however-- in most states, there is no such thing as having child custody and support arrangements "set in stone." In most states, those arrangements can be reopened at any time by either party-- or even by the state, if it becomes concerned about teh welfare of the child.
In my state, for example (PA), the formula for child support is set by the state and depends strictly on what the parents involved make. And as far as the court is concerned, that changes as income changes and is non-negotiable.
2007-07-21 15:35:30 · answer #2 · answered by palan57 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would love nothing more then my kids to see their dad it would get them off my case about him..also it would allow me a little free time to myself..there isn't always a need for drama and life can be so easy if each parent takes responsibility for their child...also any good mother would realize how important a dad is in their childs life,as long as the father is doing right by the child and keeps up the regular access and support of the child(not the mother but the childs needs)
2007-07-21 22:09:14 · answer #3 · answered by cheeky_baby76 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number one make sure the DNA testing is positive before doing anything in court.Actually she doesnt have to go to court,at least in Ohio you dont.Im guessing the mother went to an agency like child support collection.And thet ordered the DNA testing,If test comes back positive at least in my case,they set up a meeting with that agency to figure out child support .I actually never sat in a court room or before a judge.Everything was done right in their office.Like I mentioned this was in Ohio and this can vary I quess from state to state.But the agency is a Government ran dept.Icant figure why she thinks she must go to the courts to get a settlement,unless she figures she can get more money.They will also work with both parents on cusody and visitation .In my case my child support is deducted from my pay check and is sent in by my comp.to tje chid support agency.Visitation will be up to you and your husband and how you want to try to set it up.But in my case they were so concerned about the support payment that I had to remind them several times.Hopefully you will have more caring and concerned agents.Before closing it just occured to me ,was there any indication that the mother wanted to give your husband full custody.If this is what she is after and yea! that would have to go before the courts.This to me is what she may be wanting to do.That phrase (set in stone)just seems odd to me.If child support is due and ordered thats a legal court document and order,nothing else should need to be done.Good luck and hope all turns out well with you and your husband.
2007-07-21 16:01:27 · answer #4 · answered by mr.mcscrofe 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is as much drama as the mother of the child wants there to be. She can make your life a living hell, but it really sounds like she doesn't want to, which really is a good thing. If it turns out that he really is the dad, just be patient and nice to the mother, and hopefully everything will be worked out in court as far as visits child support, and it will run smoothly.
My fiance's step-dad has been going through this kind of drama for over 8 years now with his ex-wife, and it seems only to be getting worse. Try to make friends with this woman, or be as friendly as you can, and remember that this will be a (step) daughter to you also. Good luck in your situation!!
2007-07-21 15:35:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It can only be terrible if people make it that way. Why it took her 3 years to do anything is a question. All you have to do is be willing to accept a child that your husband had with another woman and pay support, and I would imagine have visitation. It could be very positive if you help make it that way. I wouldn't make a problem if there isn't one to start with. Your husband will love you even more if you stand beside him and help make this as easy as possible.
2007-07-21 15:43:00 · answer #6 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First you need the conformation of the DNA test to 100% confirm paterninty. Yes it needs to be worked out in court. You never know in the future how things will be. If your husband makes more money in the future she can request a raise in support, that goes for the revers too. Do not be bitter over this money that will go to the child. It will be this way until she is 18. So relax, enjoy your life.
2007-07-21 15:38:09 · answer #7 · answered by Cinnamon 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
most woman have sense and the best interest of the child at heart, its probable like this because they were not in a relationship it seems like. So kudos to the mother of the child and to your husband for stepping up and take care of his responsibilites to the child. Now you need to lie low and let them handle this because its new to all involved, so put your jeolousy, insecure or all/any other negitive feelings that you maybe feeling aside, and allow your husband to be the man he is. Remember he is your husband, he married you not anyone else. Stay positive and I will be praying for you and the family and the maybe new found member. God Bless
2007-07-21 16:20:08 · answer #8 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in my case i have been with my husband for 14 years and i have endured 14 years on drama. from child support increases to sending child protective serves to my home. she has done it all to make things difficult for us. she has even began calling and hanging up on me. it has been a constant struggle. now she has turned my step daughter against me.
but i do believe that there are mothers that care more about thier kids than about all of the drama. so i would give her the benefit of the doubt until she shows you other wise. it can be a tough road but no matter what you have to remain adult and do the right things.
i wish you all the luck, you may need it.
2007-07-21 15:40:02 · answer #9 · answered by miss lady 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not all single moms are crazy, especially if their was never a relationship (maybe to much to drink one night?) I'd say take your good luck and run with it. Some moms realize that the whole situation should be worked out in the best interest of the child. Count your blessings!
2007-07-21 15:41:29 · answer #10 · answered by JWilridge 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋