How long will I endure unhappy marriage?

Question

got married 8 years ago. My wife dont work and dont want to. She keep on saying she is sick and each time she visit doctor, all test run on her, the results are negative. The more I work to get out financial stress the more she drag me into poverty. I sit down to talk with her and three day later things starts going backwards. I work two job plus online schooling. She accuse me being lazy. When I come home, I have to clean, cook, wash dishes and do laundry while she is there watching tv with the kids. I talk her that its not fair, she turn to give and my kids orders. Now I look upon myself as a slave in my family. She left me five times but for the sake of kids she came back. She kept on asking for divorce and I finally made up my mind that she has to go. But it now turning that she is fighting to keep her marriage despite that I had assured her that I will not come back to her. She claim that she never knew how much she hurted me yet still thing are steady going backwards. what next?

Answer 1

I would contact an attorney and see exactly what my rights are if I get a divorce. Once you know what your right are and if you can get your children or have to pay child support, etc. Once you know exactly where you stand, then you can decide whether you want to follow through with a divorce or if you want to seek counseling.

From what you say, it sounds like you're headed for a bottomless pit, so it may be time to bail. Or a third option is to get a legal separation if you're not positive what you want.

The first step is to talk to a competent attorney and see what your rights are in this situation. They you have the information to make a wise choice. Good luck!

Answer 2

I think that you should consider your kids in your decision. If you are unhappy and the marriage is stressing you out and your wife just leaves you and decides to come back then it is not healthy for your children to be put through all the strain, and stress that is between you two. Personally after she left the second time she wouldn't have been able to come back into my house, only so that she can repeat the same stunt three more times. She sounds manipulative and spoiled. It could be that she realized that she hurt you, but only time can tell if that was a lie or not. If you believe that she is trustworthy enough to be given a sixth chance then go ahead. But like the saying goes "Fool me once, shame on you, but Fool me twice shame on me." How many times are you going to make a mockery out of you? Maybe separation is the best key before you make up your mind about divorce something that is so permanent. I wish you the best.

Answer 3

I was very uncertain whether I was ready to be married, move across the country and put my new husband through grad school. I even had dinner with an old boyfriend the week before my marriage and he begged me to call off the wedding. But I knew my husband was a good man who would always be there for me, so I went ahead with the wedding. The first two years were very tough and we've had some rocky spots in the marriage, but our marriage is better than ever now after more than 25 years together. Every marriage is going to have disagreements, disappointments, and major issues to deal with -- things like infertility, miscarriage, job loss, cheating, money problems, in-law problems, kid problems -- but if you are both committed to working things out, you'll find a way. The mistake is going into marriage thinking it's going to be all sunshine and roses. I also think it's a mistake to live together before marriage -- it takes some of the specialness out of finally being able to live together after marriage and some relationships don't survive the live-in.

Answer 4

Marriage is a committment. You alone must decide what gives you the right to break the committment. Marrying a lazy b***h is a real drag, but does it give you the right to break your marriage committment?

That does not mean if you stay married you have to be a doormat! That, too, is your choice. You have no control over her, but you do have control over you. With the info at hand, it sounds like you need to change. You are allowing her to get away with murder, with no consequences attached. I can't guarantee if you stand up for your marriage that she will straighten up--however, I can guarantee you that if you don't she will keep trampling you!

Here's the deal if you two stay together. YOU need to change. You need to set some rules and limits that she must respect, and you must clearly spell out the consequences if they are not followed. Sound easy. Here's the hard part. YOU MUST CONSISTANTLY ACT ON THE CONSEQUENCES IF SHE DOES NOT RESPECT THE LIMITS YOU SET.

If you tell her she needs to get a job, then you need to tell her how long she has, and what will happen if she does not. If you tell her she will be shut off financially, then split your finances and shut her down on the day she was to have a job. If you tell her she must share the chores, tell her what chores, and what wil be the consequence if she does not. Whatever you tell her will happen, must happen without hesitation.

Set limits about speaking respectfully to one another. Telling you that you are lazy is not respectful. There are rules for arguing fairly. Set rules and limits, and tell her the consequence if she does not follow them. Then act on the consequences.

If she really wants things to work out, she will be willing to participate in setting the rules, and she will also respect them. But she is also used to you letting her walk all over you, so don't expect instant results. That's why you have to be consistant. She has to know you are serious about changing about how you deal with her. Then she has to decide what she will do next--you will not be asking what you should do next!

So make up your mind how much you will tolerate. Lay down the law, with our without her co-operation. Spell out the consequences and "just do it". Don't be a doormat. If nothing else, it is a terrible example for the kids. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 5

Hi,

Ok, you need to leave this woman. She is a leech! And she is not sorry at all. She just doesn't want to give up her meal ticket and free ride. She is working you into an early grave.

Also, if you can...take the kids with you! You seem to be the stable one. They need that. If you can't...share custody and make sure to always be there for them and support them in every way. Not just financial.

Also, if you have to stay for a while. Just do your laundry and the kid's laundry. Leave her in her filth.

Life is too short my friend. Get out and love your kiddies...but let your wife drain the life out of some other guy!

Good luck!

Answer 6

She sounds like a horrible wife. There is no reason she should have treated you like that. If you are working and she is at home with the children, she should be cleaning, cooking and caring for the household as part of doing her share.

She sounds like she is lazy, cruel and you should NOT stay with her a moment longer. Actually, I think you should also seek custody of the children because she is a bad influence on them and her behavior will not improve nor will she offer them a stable life.

As far as finances, make sure she does not have access to your bank account, your credit cards or any other finances. Close any shared accounts and reopen them in your sole name.

Answer 7

First go to counciling and discuss everything. Second, she has to get a job to help bail out the financial problems she created. Discuss this at counciling, so the point is talked about and a third party can help with the discussion. Think of what is best for the kids. It doesn't matter how bad it is, but will leaving make it worse for the kids. If it does, then you must stay and try to give them a better life.

Answer 8

You can do bad by yourself. She has left you 5 times. She should have not came back after the 2nd time. If you want to keep her put the rules down like she must work etc.. get some counseling if you really want this to work. But as for me I would have been gone 7 years ago. Life is too short to put up with immature people that want to keep you down.

Answer 9

This is a big question... I would keep her for a bit longer and see if she does anything to make up for her mistakes. If she continues to be lazy, call your lawyer and file the divorce.

I personally thing she just realized right before you made your move that her whole life depended on your work apparently. Whether it's for her own personal reasons or for yours, you won't know. Good luck with your dilemma.

Answer 10

file for divorce but do realize (depending on your state) you may be entitled to pay her alimony (whether temporary or permanent) during/after the divorce since she is not working. don't leave the house if you want custody of your kids that's a sure way of not winning a custody battle. if she wants to leave let her and it will be harder for her to win the kids but if she leaves don't let her leave with the kids. if she does leave without the kids file for divorce and make sure she can't change the domicile of the kids adn then when you win the kids she'll have to pay you child support and if she doens't have a job they base it on minimum wage so she has to pay. the courts presume anyone in america can at least get a job for min wage