I think my husband is having an affair does anyone know of any signs that I should be looking for?

Answer 1

New underwear, is he suddenly more interested in his cell phone than usual? Track the money. be aware of his paycheck (hours worked, how much spent etc...) Check credit card bills and go through his wallet once in a while. Also, they say take notice and see if he suddenly likes new kinds of music. If you feel suspicious there may be a reason.

I hope you are wrong. Good luck.

Answer 2

Most men who cheat are NOT so unhappy with their marriage or sex life at home. Most do not want to lose their wife. Those are superficial excuses. I've been involved with people dealing with recovery from the damage of affairs for 7 years now. Most have wives at home who are NOT prudes and have been active partners with their husbands. It's usually more about the ego of the cheating spouse. A wife cannot be "new" or have the excitement of that new relationship energy that is only temporary. Then, add the excitement of the forbidden!

Following are a number of things. Not that they mean that there is an affair, but these are common things that people report after finding out there was an affair. Hindsight is really clear. If you are having these problems, then something is wrong and you need to start really working on the relationship.

IT JUST DOESN'T FEEL RIGHT. Trust you gut and follow up.
The wayward spouse will deny and tell you it is all in your head.

Excessive use of internet/email, increased request for privacy.

Working late, or even going in early when that was not a regular part of their job before, with no increase in income.
A change in routine.

Unaccountable time loss. Or, even more attentive than usual, they need to keep track of your activities.

Restlessness or increased irritability at home. It takes a lot of effort and energy to keep up a secret life. Picking arguments, it helps them feel less guilty. Increased critical or sarcastic comments.

Protective of cell phone, bills, bank statements. Hang up phone calls if you answer. Deleting phone logs and messages. Unexplained charges or cash withdrawals.

Increased mileage on the car.

Making excuses to leave home, picking arguments in order to leave. Saying they "need space", even talking of separation.

New friends that they keep from you. Friends of the opposite sex that they spend lots of time with or confide in, especially if they are keeping secrets from you. "Just Friends" is a common way to describe an affair partner! Making reasons to be alone with the coworker, such as business trips, lunches, etc.

Sudden increased interest in appearance, clothing, exercise.

Change in sex life, either increased or decreased, new techniques.

Stopped wearing wedding ring, lots of excuses.

Find birth control that you don't usually use.

A yahoo group site that has many helpful articles in FILES. Even some with suggestions on things to look for. This is your marriage and you need to protect yourself.

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/affairstal...

Answer 3

I sure do. Sudden weight loss, improved appearance, extremely conscious of grooming and how he comes across, new circle of friends, perhaps a promotion putting him in with a whole new circle of people, suddenly very impressed with himself, new exercise program, away from home more without a good reason, spending less time with you, trying to pick fights with you for no particular reason, more distant from you and the family while he is home, look for things that are new that woudn't be the type of things he would buy himself i.e. gifts, and a new hobby that takes him out of the home during the weekends or week nights. If he has taken up bowling, casually find out where and show up to "watch him bowl - to surprise him". If it is only one or two of these things it doesn't mean he is having an affair, but the classic sign is most all of these combined. Also, if he listens to music at home, keep an ear out for the lyrics of the particular stuff he is listening to now. If he is listening to sad love songs or love songs in general, that may also be a sign. Also, look for him on the phone at odd hours or stepping out to use his cell phone. If all this stuff is going on, ask him point blank. Don't be angry, accusatory, or wishy-washy - just very matter-of-fact. Don't lead up to it, catch him off-guard.

Answer 4

I just found out my husband was having an affair when our son was two weeks old. The signs he showed were not coming home when he said he would be home, being distant and very short with me, saying he was just tired when he seamed to be in a bad mood, and not doing the things he used to do like make breakfast, hold me on the couch, take a shower with me, etc. Then I started checking up on him and found an email from his mistress.

Answer 5

He all of a sudden wants new under ware.Wares that cologne you aunt gave him Xmas 5 yrs ago. Worried about his appearance,and thinning hair. Goes on a diet and joins a gym.Acts guilty a lot. Suddenly is a lot nicer to you.even more sex. he feels sorry,but not enough to make him stop.Missing money from your checking account.Be sure to smell him,when he comes home late.Check his car,for hair and any thing else you can find. and there could be a switch in the kind of music he is listens to. That pretty much covers it.No man is that careful so you will find out in time. Keep your eyes peeled.Nose open and check ALL his clothes.

Answer 6

Your gut feeling is a really good sign. If you feel that your relationship has changed and you go to confront it and he strays off and tries to avoid the whole conversation That is a really big indication there. All of the other comments are absolutely right on signs but quit realistically it comes do to how well you know your man and his behavior with you. Also, even if the signs are there you aren't going to believe it until you catch him. Good luck! I hope you both are just going through a rough patch and it hasn't gone down that route.

Answer 7

Unfortunately I am going through this with my wife. I found out by intercepting e-mails. I have been seeing the signs for a while now. She would become more argumentative over little things and would distance herself from family functions. In this case I would try to put together a camping trip or something for us and the kids and she would bow out at the last minute. You now, I don't feel well. she would not attend church or holiday functions with me or the kids. Oh, and she would almost always mention divorce in our arguments. For me this was a good indication since we agreed to never mention the word during an argument. Also look out for the trip out of town with the "girls" or in your case the "guys". I hope this helped. I have more but I don't want to get carried away.

Answer 8

Talk with him. Tell him about your concerns. Tell him you have this feeling and can he help. Consider asking him to join you in counseling...if you are really concerned. Affairs can be something long-term or a short fling but either way, they can be very hurtful. Certainly they can destroy a marriage. So ask him of he feels what he is doing is worth more than his marriage. Ask him if he loves you or someone else and if he loves you, then you need some reassurance and help from him. He obviously isn't providing you with a feeling of security. That's necessary in any relationship.

Answer 9

Home less?
Asks you not to call him, he will call you?
Less interested in you?
Secretive about things?
Has new interests all of a sudden?
Has friends that you haven't met?

If you suspect that he is cheating, he probably is. We know our spouses very well and if you have reason to suspect this, then it's pretty probable that he is having an affair. Find out for sure before you make any rash decisions.

Answer 10

It's your gut feeling. If you feel it, make sure you stay on top of it. Most of the time, guys know how to hide it, if their good. Check his email, phone calls, and his reactions when you're talking to him. Most of the time, his affair does not complicate things at the house. He keeps it very discreet, because he wants to have his cake n eat it too. So, just watch how he reacts. good luck.