Okay this guy I know name Ron, placed a date add on line and where it said material status he said he was a widow/wider. I was like ok, I feel so sorry for him. We dated 6 months. During this time I asked about his ex wife. He told me that they DIVORCED BEFORE SHE DIED. I was like what? Then I told him to his face that he wasn't a widow/widower that you have to be married to her when she died in order to become one and since they were divorced at the time of her death that he was not one. He said, that he just puts that up there because of her. and that he is.
He has just updated his yahoo profile and he placed it there too. HMMMMM Is this guy nuts are trying to use this as a way to get women to feel sorry for him so that they will date him?
My next question is who is right him or me and why?
Thanks for your answers
2007-07-21 14:59:57 · 11 answers · asked by Msbearr 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have lost an ex by death but we were not married. When he died I knew not to label myself as widow/widower. I know it is hard to let go sometimes. That is understandable. but to lie about it is not right.
2007-07-21 15:26:23 · update #1
I understand when she died that he lost her and maybe their friendship and that is a hard pill to sallow, but my point is this. I know he is lying to himself, me and others on line and I don't think it is right for him to lie about it. He confessed to me that it was a lie, so why continue to go and tell it? As I said I think he is using it to get woman and that isn't right it is misleading.
I do feel sorry for him and I know the pain. I just think it is wrong for him to lie about it.
2007-07-21 15:34:10 · update #2
You are right. You are either single, married , divorced or widowed. The dictionary states a widow/ widower is someone that has lost his wife/husband to death and not remarrried.
2007-07-21 15:15:05 · answer #1 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This is an interesting question - yes and no. If someone is married to the person for a long time, they have built a life with this person spanning over many years. In this case, they may feel like a widow/widower even if there had been a divorce. The divorce can happen for many reasons which would probably also have some bearing on this. What I am saying is that if you have a life with someone for a long time, you don't just shut the feelings off and when they die, you grieve much more than you would for a casual acquaintance. Some people might also refer to themselves as a widower when they meet you because they are ashamed that they are divorced for whatever reason.
HOWEVER, for the purpose of an Internet profile, if you are divorced from the person and they die you are not a widower. You can feel like one, but the reality is that you are a divorcee. I think that he is a snake who found it easier to get dates with women who felt sorry for him. If you have an opportunity to post a warning to other women and plaster it all over the place, you would be a friend to many women to do so.
2007-07-21 22:32:01 · answer #2 · answered by Mrs. Goddess 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree that you have to be with the person when they pass in order to be a widow/widower. Otherwise your divorced and your ex passed away.....The only thing I can think of is maybe now that she has died he wishes they hadn't divorced in the first place and maybe he feels like he should have been a widower....Or he's trying to play the sympathy card. Either way he was married to this woman so he did lose a friend but I agree he's divorced not widowed....
2007-07-21 22:09:18 · answer #3 · answered by Tiffany 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are right. A widower is a man whose wife has died and has not remarried. As Ron's ex-wife was not married at the time of her death, she could not leave a widower behind.
It is possible that he is doing this with the ill intended motives that you mention. I suppose it might be possible that he never really accepted the divorce. Either way, I'd find someone else to date.
2007-07-21 22:28:37 · answer #4 · answered by Tom K 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you divorce someone, it really isn't the same person you married.... but each of you go on your own way. If you divorced civilly, then tho you each admitted that your marriage was over, your friendship perhaps was not. In fact, it is not uncommon to remain friends, and even to share with each other the difficulties of again getting back into the dating scene. After all, these two may have lived together for decades. Then one dies, or is killed, and all of the memories of what they were like long ago are the ones that are remember. For sure that person is dead, and for sure the marriage is over, not necessarily in that order. Most in that position regard themselves as divorced, but as well widowed. Those who have moved on regard themselves as divorced, those who are still trying to let go, of both their friend and their old marriage may regard themselves as widowed at times, and divorced at others.... If you cannot see that, then it may be best you not bother with a person who had a nice marriage at least part of the time that they were married.... It takes a mature person to realize the difficulty the one left faces daily, even tho they would never again wish to be married to that former spouse......
2007-07-21 22:18:08 · answer #5 · answered by April 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well, I know three guys in similar situations. Two were divorced prior to their wives dying and one was separated. Both consider themselves to be widowers. Go figure.
2007-07-21 22:08:44 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, a person is not. You are divorced as your marital status.
But about the usage of words -- similarly, it's how women put they are 'single' moms, when in fact they are 'divorced' moms - they should be truthful, but maybe don't want the stigma.
2007-07-22 10:38:10 · answer #7 · answered by Lydia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No. You can only be a widow/widower if they died while you were married.
2007-07-21 22:06:17 · answer #8 · answered by endo_chic 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
you have to be married to them to be widowed from them. he is divorced and using that to get women to feel sorry for him to get them in bed.
2007-07-21 22:34:52 · answer #9 · answered by princessfionafantasy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My vote goes to pity party.
2007-07-21 22:19:56 · answer #10 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋