My friend Josephine (15) is caught up in a fantasy world. Her and I have known this guy who goes to our church for about a year and a half, and she has never said a sentence to the guy. But she keeps on obssesing over him, and creating parallel universes. Talking about him for hours. Asking me if I go and she doesn't what he is wearing. Now that she and I have got into a fight she asks our other friend Jim. It's ridiculous because this guy is 4 years older then us and I can tell in no way has tried to get to know her. I don't want her to get hurt but when I try to help she says im jealous. What can I do
2007-07-21 12:57:23 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
Perhaps the best thing to do is to put your feelings and concerns down in writing and place the logic there. This way, she cannot interrupt you and prevent you from bringing up all the valid points that she needs to see.
You should start the letter by letting her know that you are writing this letter because you love her as a friend and you do not want to see this guy (or anybody else) come between your friendship.
You should then reiterate that you are not acting our of jealousy or spite - you are acting out of a desire to keep her from getting hurt.
Then point out the obvious facts as you see fit.
Some of these facts might include:
1) If a 19 year old male is dating a 15 year old female, there is a lot of societal pressure on both of them. The thought is that there is (or will be) sexual activity and that is illegal. Furthermore, if it did happen, the 19 year old would go to jail. It is not fair to put him in that position.
Even if there is no desire for sexual activity at the moment, teenagers (which includes both of you and the guy she likes) are experiencing a major hormonal change in their body and they may be weak and give into the temptations if they present themselves. There is a good chance that the 19 year old guy would have strong sexual feelings for her if they did date and that is not fair to him.
If she was 19, would she be interested in dating a 15 year old male?
2) Peer Pressure. How does she think his friends would react if they learned that he was dating a 15 year old. Would they be accepting of the relationship or would the tease him or criticize him? Wouldn't his closest friends try to talk him out of it for the same reasons you are bringing up? What perception would his friends have of her? They might think that she sleeps around - not a good perception.
3) Parental Pressure. Would her parents approve if she was dating a 19 year old? Would his parents approve if he was dating a 15 year old? What are the chances of hiding this type of relationship for 3 years (until she is 18). Chances are that the parents would find out and cause lots of problems. Why would he stay in a secret relationship where he cannot see his girlfriend anytime he wanted to. He's 19. Wouldn't it be easier for him to date a girl closer to his age where he does not have to keep it secret?
Maturity. She might be the most mature 15 year old on the face of the earth. He might not even give her a change to prove it because she is only 15. He might not believe that she is mature enough. On the flip side, he might be one of the most immature 19 year old men on the planet. What chance is there of a relationship working if he is immature?
A four year age difference means nothing when people are in their mid 20's and older. It is a major problem if one person is an adult and one is a minor. If she doesn't want to believe you, she should ask her parents, clergy, relatives, or other friends. Chances are, they will support everything you are telling her in the letter which will prove that you are not acting out of jealousy of spite. It will prove that you are acting out of love and concern.
Close it out by telling her that you no longer want to fight with her about it. Let her know that you care about her and you value your friendship but you cannot support her desire to be with him because there is just too high of a probability that one or both them will be hurt and you are not willing to support that. Then invite her over for some ice cream or something fun.
Include any other concerns that you have as well and explain why these are concerns for you.
Good luck and all the best to you both!
2007-07-21 13:33:33 · answer #1 · answered by mgctouch 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that she needs help and to get over him and to call you when she does b/c its not worth losing a friend over a guy that doesnt even know who she is or nothing about her!!
2007-07-21 20:04:01 · answer #2 · answered by *Chy` 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to talk to him
2007-07-21 20:04:33 · answer #3 · answered by Nicholais S 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋