MEN ONLY PLEASE, I need you opinion on open marriages and infidelity.?

Question

I have asked this before, but want to add details to the scenerio and question. Why would a man who gets sex anytime he wants ALSO want to sex outside of marriage? We've been together 5 years and I do a lot to spice up or sex life. We have sex all over the house; I wear all kinds of lingerie, sexy costumes and 4 inch heels. Yet he says he wishes I would be OK with him getting a little action on the side. To that I say "if I am not enough for U then why'd U marry me?" He says I am more than enough for him but it’s the excitement of being with other women from time to time. He swears that if I don't give him permission he will never cheat but I don't believe it. If he desires women now when he can have me anytime he wants then what will happen when I have an infant and am too tired to have sex when he wants?

He would also SOOOO love to be with me and another woman. I told him that I found some women attractive and off he went. I don't want to have sex with women, I just find some women attractive, and some times they do excite me, but that's it. It's a curiosity and he went off thinking how wonderful it would be if I would explore my sexuality and he and I could have threesomes. I feel that’s just his way of being able to have sex with other women without fear of loosing me. That's why he keeps asking permission. He wants to know that if his hormones ever get the best of him and something happens that he will not have to fear loosing me. ." But that would never happen unless he put himself in a situation that he should not be in.

He tells me that I am. "The best thing that has ever happened to him." In addition, my husband is a porn junky. He pays for sex sites on a regular basis. Has previously downloaded and saved 100s of pictures and videos on his PC. Why would he need that when he can have me? Shouldn't this come AFTER the honeymoon phase? We've only been married 10 months and he's been heavily into porn since way before we even met! He's told me that he's cheated on other women who have told him he could not look at porn. He says he just wants the "variety" in his life. He has said to me that he is unsure if he can be faithful to me if I were to force him to not be able to look at porn. So the question again is, why do men want to have sex outside of marriage when they have plenty at home. Do all men think this way as my husband says ALL OF THE TIME!

I have already asked him how he would feel if went out and had sex with other men. His response was "As long as you don't form a relationship with any one guy and you don't want to have sex with him and not me, then I'd be OK with it." So that is not the solution. He NEVER gave me any indication before our wedding day that he wanted to be in an open relationship. And I never thought to ask him. Did your wives ask you that question? I don't think that is one of the standard things you ask the person you are getting to know and planning to marry. I just need to hear that not all men think this way as that is ALWAYS what he says.

Answer 1

Let him go around the world with you a couple of times and let him know you welcome Greek...he will not desire another woman after that.

Answer 2

You are being too easy for him. Do not allow him to bring a third person into your marriage. Just you writing this long question tells me this is not okay for you. This man has the problem of needing "something different" all the time, that is why the porn. He lives in fantasy in his mind. There is nothing you will ever do to change this, it is his "vice". I know from personal experience that if a woman has any doubts then do not go into an open marriage scene. It is very difficult and lacks the intimacy for a long-lasting marriage to grow. Yes, all men do look at other women always, this is true, but some men have that look in their eye like they want to undress the woman and take her right there and later in bed they relive this fantasy with their wife or whoever they are with. Other men have more of an appreciation for a good-looking woman, they look, think damn she is good-looking, then they go back to their life and that is the end of it. You need to be less accessible to him so he can be fantasizing over you. You do not want other men, and no matter what he says he would hate that you were with other men, he is only telling you he wouldn't mind because he is fooling himself to be able to get you not to mind about other women. You two can make an honest go at a monogomous relationship. Get rid of the porn too, maybe only a little at a time but it would be good to get rid of all of it. It will take time, strategy, and him admitting his problem and that should help but doing this open marriage thing, bad idea.

Answer 3

You shouldn't get married if you want an "open marriage". A marriage is suppose to consist of two people that love each other and you share everything between each other. Nothing else, I guess it depends on what you expect out of a relationship, No one can tell you how to lead your life. But an open marriage doesn't seem like such a great idea, maybe marriage isn't the answer if it's degraded like that. There's no trust, no foundation. You need to have that to build something stronger. Best Wishes! Hope it helps!

Answer 4

Sounds like he wants all the benefits of being married but the ability to be a "PLAYER" in his own rite.
More than naught it's falling in the lines of a business proposition to him than anything. Could also fall along the lines of this.

There are women out there whom are attracted to the married man cause they know this guy is taken and won't want anything more than just sex. So he his playing that card to it's fullest. Some women find married men more appealing than a single guy. Some one not so needy or looking for a relationship.

Watch out this could back fire, cause if you land someone or more than one and he gets a streak of denials he will turn the tables and make it look bad on you.

Answer 5

Well, let's see... um.. no!!! not all men think this way. I think you should do whatever your heart tells you to. but in my opinion, if he wants to have sex with other women, then he shouldn't have gotten married in the first place. The right thing to do is for you to get a divorce before it's too late. He will cheat on you! especially when he says, if you don't let him watch porn or always wanting to have sex with other women... and that he can't say he won't cheat on you... sigh!!! and how long have you been together??? it's not worth all the trouble. there are men out there who are not like this... But it's always easy to give advices... and as I said, do what your heart tells you to... if you truly believe that he loves you and that you love him... well, i think you should see some sort of a marriage counseling.... but don't think for one second, that all men are like this... THAT'S A LOAD OF BS!!! and who to say, he hasn't done that already.... maybe he is just trying to justify what he has done... that, well my wife said it was alright... so it was cheating... no?

Answer 6

For him, sex is not something like 'having it'. It means the thoughts that are the products of the pictures, movies, ideas, images, stories. She is not enjoying anything as he is so much carried away by the three letter word. Word is creating a problem for him. He is not trying to see things beyond the word. The word gives him the pleasure as it is attached to all the thoughts he had nurtured backed by the pictures. You are a lovely wife but he does not count you as a part of that activity. To him the thought is much more important than the activity. He needs immediate counselling by someone who would just show him the difference of the act and the thought of the act. I do not know if I can help you...it would have been better if he could send a message to me. He wont do that as he is so engrossed in the thought that he feels the thoughts are important and actions are not.

Answer 7

i'm againt open relationships. while i admit, being able to have sex with other women is interesting, it isn't something i want to do. so faar, i've never cheated, again, not that i have considered it, i just feel that it's the wrong thing to do, people always get hurt and it just leads to ongoing lies and is more of a mess than i care to put up with. watching pron just degrades women, and adds nothing to a relationship. besides in porn, peple are only interetsed in getting off sexually, there isn't any love, caring, emotional support given. it's just sex, i would think that a number of guys who are into porn have a hard time expressing themselves sexually and emotionally. they want the fast cheap climax. you have a choice, get these issues resloved or move on. that is unless you want a husband who doesn't care about your emotional needs and havin a husband who only wants sex fro you and others. hope you can work this out

Answer 8

Personally, I would love to be in an open marriage....but thats because the Mrs is so not interested in sex. Twice a month is a good month. Now, if she were to be more like you, I seriously doubt I would be out there looking to have my needs met else where. Paying for porn is disturbing. I admit I look, but only the free teaser shots. Thats enough for me. Open arrangements do work, but only if there is absolute honesty and communication and BOTH parties have to want it. Good luck.

Answer 9

recommend leaving while you have the chance. If I were him and the way you described all of the different things you have tried I would not even think about an open relationship. Yes allot of men (and yes women ) have the fantasy of watching the other spouse being with someone else and also the fantasy of two woman at the same time but it is just that also sounds something of an addiction and try to have your husband have a psychological exam maybe something from his past

Answer 10

I'm sry I kno u asked 4 guys only but I'm gonna say u should kick him to the curb if ur not the one and only and he consistently asks permission for nasty sh*t like that then u need to take a break 4rm him it's not fair to u n 4rm wat I can tell u care a lot about himm too =((


ok good luck

Answer 11

ideally men NEVER pay for porn
so your guy is not too bright..... that's one strike....
if you are giving it to him in all ways possible and every way possible and he still wants more he never should have gotten married, he takes you for granted,,,, that's strike 2
the fact thay he would ok for you to swing and him to independant is another big risk... strike 3. if he says he is not cheating he is lying
he is cheating
he is seeing someone now
he should not be in a commitment like that
i also bet both of you are very young
hence you willingness to try to please him and his insatiable lust for women
as you get older
you will get more narrow in what you clearly want from a man and what you will and will not tolerate
you have married a lustful boy
he is not a man
and by the same token
you are not yet a full women
but a young girl trying to make him happy at all costs ( including your own peace of mind ).
your best bet would be to divorce him
10 months or not
it's only going to get worse
much worse
and he WILL cheat ( if he is not all ready doing it now )
if you think you do not deserve better or deserve to have a better man,,,
then stay with your poor excuse of a husband
if not go and find a better man who has better core values
and is relationship oriented