My "fiance" and I were together 4 yrs.Some good, mostly bad.He was an 'internet man".Always talking to other women. While we were engaged. While we had a marriage license.He was asking them to marry him.He cheated on me in real life. Three times. I forgave.He would start fights while I was on a heart monitor.I kicked him out.I loved all I could. He wouldn't change.Now he has cancer, from smoking.He blames me for it.I wished it on him. I'm not that kind of person.I made mistakes in relationship also.He is with another woman now, I think. I sent him an e card pleading with him for forgiveness. And I forgave him for all the hurt that he inflicted on me and my daughters.I got no reply. I saw that he picked up the card.No forgiveness for me.He says he's a Christian. He quotes the Bible. I haven't seen him in 3 months...no contact except the card. I wanted to forgive him to help myself.What do I do if he refuses to forgive me???Should I write again?
2007-07-21 10:26:58 · 14 answers · asked by diecast_heart 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
STOP FEELING GUILTY!!!!! if you could wish that kind of stuff on people for real then alot more people would die everyday.... Its not you fault he has cancer its his.... Just know that you have forgave him and you did your part... If he is a TRUE christian then he knows its wrong not to forgive someone...... Good luck and STOP blaming your self sweetie
2007-07-21 10:32:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
What???? Let it go. You're seriously asking him to forgive you for something you didn't do?? His choices are his choices. Did you stand there at gunpoint and force him to smoke?? No. He's manipulating you fantastically and you're falling for it. He doesn't sound like a nice person, sick or not. If he blames you for his smoking, he's obviously beyond reason. Just leave him to wallow in his own self righteousness. When you plead for forgiveness, he eats it up like the attention and drama hog he is. Ignore him. Soon he'll be begging you to forgive him whilst manipulating the poor new woman in his life. People like him are like that. Don't let him manipulate you any more.
2007-07-21 17:32:19 · answer #2 · answered by GollyBeth! 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have done all you can. Do not write again. You have asked for his forgiveness now make peace with yourself that you have done all that is needed. Whether or not he himself forgives you is not important. Being that you're bringing up the Christian thing, rest assured, you yourself have done what is proper from that perspective. Nothing more is needed from you.
2007-07-21 17:43:24 · answer #3 · answered by kadisciples 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
An ex is an ex so leave him alone. Trust me I know how hard it is to feel unloved by a former love but it is over so move on to something better and leave him alone. You dont need his response in order to "forgive" him
2007-07-21 17:33:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's an a------ and he's manipulating you and playing you like a fiddle. Who's fault is it that he has cancer? I thought there was a God and he made the decisions about a man's life. He's no Christian, he's an a------ with cancer. Run baby run!
2007-07-21 17:33:47 · answer #5 · answered by sorri 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to forgive yourself first and foremost. Forgive yourself for putting up with abuse. You story shows that you were not pieces of the puzzle that fit together, and this came from your fingers. So, you need to forgive yourself for trying to make the puzzle piece fit that clearly didn't fit.
Why do you need his forgivness? What you've typed doesn't show you intentionally harming him; out of the fact you saw he didn't fit with you. He's blaming you for smoking ... well, he enjoys watching you take the blame as it was a tool of control he used over you. It's apparent that it still has control over you.
Religiously, I was taught to go to "Reconcilliation" (confession). The first part of this is having a contrite heart ... saying it out loud (to a Priest) ... and making penance. It sounds like you want this man to give you penance ... I would sugest that you go to someone who isn't emotionally involved and ask them for penance (like God who's mercy endures forever).
The whole overall feeling I get from your blurb ... is that what you desire in the depths of your heart is for him to say that he's sorry, and for him to make it up to you. You can ask God to give him a "Contrite Heart" ... but God still lets us exercise our free will on who we will love, respect, and make penance to.
2007-07-21 17:38:57 · answer #6 · answered by Giggly Giraffe 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, he sounds like a total jerk, you should move on and get a guy who really cares about you. Just think about it though, what goes around comes around, and sooner or later he'll realze what he missed out on with you, & you'll be with some really awesome guy who can't get enough of you.
2007-07-21 17:33:03 · answer #7 · answered by Sara Lee 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You did nothing wrong. He is mad because he is dying and wants someone to blame. Let him go in his missery. He cheated, you didn't. You are a good person. He is not. Just pray he finds happiness.
2007-07-21 17:31:30 · answer #8 · answered by RedRabbit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Forget him, you did all you can do, its not like he was prince charming, don't write again, don't ever beg a man to do ANYTHING, just let him be miserable by himself, you've put forth more than enough effort to be forgiven....geez
2007-07-21 17:31:07 · answer #9 · answered by Im Just Me 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Move on. Stop communicating with him. Forgiveness is your choice, not his.
2007-07-21 17:30:26 · answer #10 · answered by Violet Pearl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋