wife does not want sex?

Question

I have been married for 5 months and have not had sex for the last 3, every time i ask she is too tired so on and so forth.
any ideas what to do

I have been married for 5 months and have not had sex for the last 3, every time i ask she is too tired so on and so forth.
any ideas what to do.

hasbeen i have tried talking to her and the reason i am asking strangers is to get advice of people who are not going to take sides and the benefit of their experience

no, not pregnant.

Answer 1

There could be a number of reasons.
First, you have to find out whether she is taking balance diet and whether she is indeed too tired.
Second, she might have seen something in her childhood or in her family related to sex that has turned her off.
It is just that you don't evoke enough interest in her to participate in the act.
Are you keeping yourself in good shape?
Do you have enough orgasm?
Do you have premature ejaculation?
Do you have erectile dysfunction?
These are some of the things that could turn her off.
If she knew and felt sex was enjoyable and she would be satisfied with you, then she would definitely participate in it.

Answer 2

I think that you should feel safe in the knowledge that you can come to people who are not going to 'take sides'.
I sympathise & empathise with u on this issue. Unfortunately my marriage went thru this & I was married for only 2 & a half years when it broke down completely. NOT that this will necessarily happen to u...
I wonder whether ur wife may be depressed? My husband was on anti-depressants & this had an effect on our sex life, there was nothing wrong with me. I spent the last year of our marriage worrying that it was me & it wasn't! Don't be disheartened there must be some explanation...
Set aside time to 'chat' together about your feelings. There is also something u could try if she agreed with you, for the first week touch only (no genitals); second week you explore eachother with solely your tongue (again no genitals); third week kiss but no oral sex; fourth week you may do anything you have done previously including oral sex; in the fifth week anything goes...!!!
I am not a sex therapist & am not advising you, it's just I have been where you are... Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

Oh, there's obviously something bothering her.
If the first time she had sex was after marriage, then, maybe the pain put her off a bit?
Maybe you could try just some foreplay without a full intercourse, just so that she could enjoy the intimacy and pleasure with you again, without the stress of "having to do it"!
You could also encourage her to see a female doctor to talk about it.
She might be worried about her body or some part of it and don't want you to find out?
Is she afraid of letting you see her naked?
If so, it would do her the world of good to definitely speak to a female doctor, or she could get depressed and you will not still be able to help.
In the meantime, try and reassure her. She probably needs to make sure that you love her just the way she is, and do not fancy other women who are in whichever way different to ther!!!
Good luck.x

Answer 4

It could be a lot of things, have you changed your behavior, has she changed her lifestyle since you got married (new job, new home, new living arrangements compared to prior to marraige, etc), was she in the mood more often before the wedding, are you making a big deal out of sex and making her feel like you just want the sex, she could also have developed a medical/mental problem, like depression or issues with sex from past experiences that suddenly cause her libido to go down. It does not automatically mean she is cheating, however, that is also a possability. Make sure you talk to her and make sure that it is concern that there is a change in behavior that might signal a bigger problem, not just the fact that you are not getting your gratification in bed.

Answer 5

talk to her instead of people on here she can tell you more! Has she always had a low sex drive? is there something wrong? is she loosing her libido? does she have a health worry she isnt sharing with you?
. try and be understanding and patient with her and ignore the sarcastic answers on here. you need to talk to her! or maybe she will/would have spoken to a friend who may enlighten you? will she talk to a gp? do u make her feel loved? does she feel she is being taken for granted?either way you need to find out whats going on.

nlapin if you are going to answer questions at least do the
asker the decency of reading it properly!

too many people look on divorce as an easy way out these days instead of working at their marriage, and 5 months is no time at all.

try setting the scene...
buy her flowers
cook a meal or take her out for a meal with candles
then go and watch a film or take a long romantic walk
talk to her and make her feel special
give her a kiss and cuddle without trying to have sex and make her feel safe and secure you may find she will talk to you then or even have sex with you if thats what was bothering her!

hope this helps

Answer 6

This is how I felt when I was married..now divorced. It seems the guys always start out strong. Doing special things, giving back rubs, spending quality time in the beginning. It is also an infatuation phase, so the sex is good. After some guys get comfortable and they stop doing those special things that attracted us in the beginning, we feel we have lost something. Something is now missing that was suppose to remain. If you have changed your behavior from when you first met, this could be why. I felt like I was special and he was thoughtful in the beginning and then it dropped off. Why should I give up that part of me, when I am no longer getting what you "showed" in the start. Guess it is just the chase and now I have her syndrome - Make sense? And no, we didn't divorce because of that....but it really puts a strain on the sex life when you feel like you are doing all the giving and not getting what you did in the beginning anymore. Gosh, hope this may help...I dunno if this is the problem, but something to think about if it sounds familiar at all. Do you still treat her the same as you did at first? Could be she now feels it was a mistake. Talk to her if you haven't...Best wishes to you!

Answer 7

Tricky one. If you had a successful sexual relationship before marriage, then something has clearly gone wrong. But did you? If this is a new sexual relationship that began at the time of marriage, I'd say that she is not happy with the way things are going and may not be getting any pleasure from the contact. It's difficult to say based on such little information.

Answer 8

ok as a women i will give u my reason when i said it and did those same things to my Husband. 1.I was really tired because of the two kids we had 2. I would work and then come n a be a full time mom ,housekeeper,playmate for d boys,An animal keeper to the Dogs 3 ov them Rottiwellers 3.And last but not least a Personal Dry cleaner so at the end ov the nite dat was the last thing on my mind. seriously!!!! But now on tha other hand Im just gonna put dis out here when and not saying that u are so please dont b offended when he cheated and i found out it wasnt nuthing!!! SEX was the last thing i ever thought about now i had several different excuses not to! Number 1 was im tired no.2. im on my cycle and i told him mines hopped around!!! no.3 i hav female problems. and honestly last but not least i wasnt sexually attracted to him any more seriously. but now also what kind ov person are u ?? ask ur self are u one ov those who like to to go for hours at a time if so it isnt nuthing wrong with dat but from talking to sum ov my married freinds n da past they hav said all dat 2 and 3 hours stuff is sumtimes a turn off!!! sometime some not all and sum may not agree wich is ok. all dat is a turn off !!! sumtime get in there and do ur business and get ghost lol. sumthin is wrong it could be her body, try talking to her and see if she will go to her Doc and talk to him/her and she could hav um um sumthin to do with her libido i think dats it because it could kinda ov be a shock to her mind and body just being married and the stress ov things like dat. hope that works for you.

Answer 9

Sorry, but unless you've been together for llike 30 years already...there is something seriously wrong here. A wife (or husband come to that) doesn't just go off of sex for no reason at all. About time you started to communicate I think, & listen CAREFULLY to what she has to say......that's if you care enough.


Killers of a good sex life; porn; wives generally feel unable to compete with what the porn market has to offer.....not helping to do chores around the house, flirting openly with other women. Not listening PROPERLY. undermining your other half (in this case.......her)

Answer 10

Try talking to her in a really understanding way, don't push her because the more pressure you put on her the more she will not want it, I think alot of women go through this (I have) but as you have only been marriage for such a short time I think there might be something up that's needs discussing