Question for non drug users only - relationship advice. I'm having a problem with my boyfriend!?

Question

We met about 2 years ago & everything was great.The only thing is he smoked pot when we met.He said I was all the high he needed & that he would quit if we were together.We have a 5 month old now.I want him 2 grow up.He's 25 years old & because of his habit I have no respect for him & basically think he's an idiot.I hate feelin like this becuz I do love him.I just want him 2 stop.He's been tellin me for 2 years,I'll quit by myself when I'm ready.No change.He told me he's only been doin it about once a month.So I got ahold of his drug dealer who I found out was one of our mutual friends & squeezed out of him that he's been spendin about $40/week on it and buyin it once or twice a week.I told him it was the drugs or me & he said u know where the door is!I'm tryin 2 figure out what Im doing.He keeps cryin & gettin upset & askin me 2 stay.He says he wants me here becuz he loves me so much but he wants 2 do whatever he wants.I don't want my baby thinkin my dad is a loser.she deserves better

I didn't realize I cold keep adding! That's why my typing looked so dumb! I just need help. I don't think he'll ever change and I can't deal with this forever. I'm not into to guys on drugs. A real big turn-off for me. I was a clean straight guy. And I don't want to take my daughter away from him. It's not like that. I just want her to have a dad she can be proud of, not one she'll grow up looking down on the way I did with my step father. I just want him to grow up and be a man. Any advice would be wonderful. I'm open to constructive criticism. Should I try to deal or get out now? I think get out now, but I'd like some opinions! Thanks!

Molly USA - I really appreciate you answer. It feels good to hear from someone who has been thru it and knows where I'm coming from. I will be taking your advice.
And to the guy who said he is like my stepdad u r so right!

Answer 1

You won't like my answer. You have to split. He will not change until he is ready and that may be never. I heard the exact same things from my ex. I stuck around because I believed in him and I loved him too, although now I can't remember why. I lost respect for him as well and thought he was a moron. Eventually I couldn't stand the sight of him because he was wasting a promising life and trying to take me with him.

Baby comes first now; she can't grow up in an environment where drugs are ok, esp since they are not okay with you. If he uses around the baby, it will hurt her development. She will grow up watching the both of you and learn that it is okay for her to be in a relationship where she and what she wants is not respected. There is also the chance that if he gets busted you'll go down with him. An over-eager social worker could take the baby. I'm not trying to scare you, you just have to think of the consequences.

This is going to sound quite harsh, but he loves the drugs more than he loves you or the baby. No matter how many tears he sheds, that's the truth. He's got to go. He will know you are serious when you split. If he doesn't decide to change by then, you and the baby are not enough incentive to make him want to change.

No matter how much you love him he won't change until he is ready, which may be never. I heard that from every professional I talked to. I didn't want to believe them because I thought my ex could be one of those people who succeeded in getting clean, but he didn't want to. After I left, I was amazed at how many people told me how great and how happy I looked. They asked what I did and I told them I left my husband.

You can do this. You and the baby deserve to be in a safe and loving and happy home. It's not that he doesn't love you or the baby enough. He just doesn't love himself.

Answer 2

Couple of things. I don't do drugs, biggest drug I do is alcohol, and I was a late bloomer, so I'm not big on drugs as a personal choice, if it's against the law, there's a good reason. Breaking the law is crossing a line that's questionable. Now if they change the law and alcohol is illegal once again, I might have problems. LOL. That aside, pot is not a heavy drug, as in most people can continue to go about their daily life, responsibilities etc and it doesn't consume them and make them do horrible things like some other drug addictions. So bascially, what you are dealing with is the principal of the thing....and you should know that to expect someone to change just because they are married, well it hardly ever happens. He's only going to change when or if he feels like it's important. So he likes pot, it helps him relax or whatever. All tha said, do you think you can compromise? Is he a great husband and Dad otherwise? Ask him if he's willing to do the pot only at certain times, so that YOU know when, and you can make sure baby is safe etc....if it's scheduled and the kid is properly safe, then that's a compromise that hopefully the two of you can work around. If you really are completely against it, then now is the time to separate, because the older the child gets, the harder a split to his family will be. Good Luck, hope something I said helped.

Answer 3

the foolish one in the relationship is you. If you married him thinking he would change, well, shame on you. When you marry someone you accept them as they are. You obviously didn't do that. It's obvious he isn't going to change or grow up until he is good and ready to do so, nothing you say or do is going to change that. You have a daughter to be concerned about now, another foolish mistake in my opinion as obviously neither you or he were ready for the responsibility, but be that as it may, she has to be your first concern. Growing up with a drug addict is NOT a good life. Get out now, take her with you.

Answer 4

First of all when it comes to an addict they will only quit if they want to there is nothing you can do or anyone can do tomake them quit. They have to want to quit for themselves. Your child doesnt need to be around that if he cant quit then leave him. I know its hard but when he told you to leave he told his chil to leave. Your child is more important. Put your love aside and think about your child. What if the cops find him and he has that on him.

Answer 5

It looks like you got together with someone that is just like dear old DAD, sheeesh!! That always happens. One thing you might consider is look at the GEEEKESS person you can find and he will make you happy because he will be the opposite of dear old DAD.

Answer 6

Bail out, unless u use too. otherwise keep being a sponge.