My husband is white and he acts as if he is ashamed of me. I am african american. We have been married for 12 years and he is yet to introduce me to his friends, nor does he wear a wedding ring. He is a truck driver and says he is afraid the ring will get caught up and he could lose a finger while hooking up the truck to the trailers. I think he is just a rotten scoundrel.
2007-07-21 08:30:38 · 23 answers · asked by Wanda 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yes Ma'am he is! And a possible cheater. Pull the same stunts he has. Lose the ring/ don't bring him around friends.
2007-07-21 08:35:16 · answer #1 · answered by Mekia 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you get the feeling that your husband is ashamed of you, you are probably feeling that way for a reason. Women have great intutution. However, there are many things that could be the target of this shame, other than black versus white.
It could be a gender issue, which is very common from my experience. There are always societal norms that set the stage for lots of problems in a marriage, based on the "man's" or the "woman's" role in the family.
Do you really think he would have married you if he was ashamed of your race? That's a pretty big step to take with someone you are ashamed of. . . The only thing you can do to really understand is discuss things with him. If not, you will always feel it eating at your heart.
I don't know that I have been of much help. I hope it all works out for you.
2007-07-21 08:41:25 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wanda...
You do have a serious problem that appears growing worse and you could be part of the problem as well...
First...about that ring. I know nothing about the dangers of coupling semi connections but must say that there are many vocations that present a danger if wearing a ring...allow him that much as he certainly knows what is safe for himself...
However, on those days / nights off and he is home, he should wear his ring as it was his sacred vow 12 years earlier. Ask him about that...forgetting to take it off when going back to work is NOT an optional excuse...!
If he is hiding you from his friends, he very well may be ashamed of you and that is a real serious problem. Forget about his friends for now and search for the real problem...
You have had 12 years together and certainly have lived with various comment of a black / white relationship both negative and positive which would seem not an issue with him...
Ask yourself what has changed in your relationship since 12 years ago...perhaps you have changed. Your other question asked indicates you have thoughts to leave him. Is that your answer to solving problems, Wanda...? If so, you are being very selfish and expect too much from him... He works and makes things possible to have a marriage and a home...what is your contribution...? Do you care for yourself and your home in a manner that keeps him pleased...? Do you support his ideas and make him feel proud of what he does...? If you do not give him incentive to want more for both of you then he surely will look elsewhere to have more for himself...
If you have children then be sure they feel discomfort also and it will grow worse, especially if you leave...
It's every mans' duty to go home to his spouse, Wanda, but it's every womans' duty to make him want to go home...!
You have had 12 years...don't throw it away...look further...look deeper...! No one here can do that for you...
2007-07-21 09:03:25 · answer #3 · answered by farplaces 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Truck Driver- NO RINGS, seriously more than just hooking up trailers to that job.
12 years and never met his friends- sounds fishy, but you were fine with it yesterday and the yesterday of 10 years ago.
Is he cheating- Well he is a truck driver
Old Guy
2007-07-21 08:37:20 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, 12 years. I'd wonder about that too, unless of course he doesn't have any friends to introduce you to. If he's a truck driver, chances are his friends are other truckers from different parts of the country. Is he at home long enough to make friends in your neighborhood? Just come right out and ask him why, that's the only way you will find out.
2007-07-21 08:34:59 · answer #5 · answered by foodieNY 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
The ring part is true. I almost lost my finger a couple of times. I now sometime ware it and sometime not. Friends well even if he has no friends like my he should still have acquaintances and you would meet them by now. You never asked him in the 12 years. Take him out and then surprise him stop at one of his truck stops se what he does then?
Carl
2007-07-21 08:43:47 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Something is not right here the only thing he does by hand is to raise the legs of the trailer with a handle and hook up the airlines, do not know how you can lose a finger with that. 12 Years and still has not introduced you? Girl sorry to say this is not a marriage, please excuse the rudeness here but it sounds more like you are a kept woman, not a wife. My condolences to you.
2007-07-21 08:36:15 · answer #7 · answered by Pengy 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Trust your instincts. How dare he treat you this way. What an idiot. I hope you dump his a** and find someone who loves and respects you.
As for not wearing his wedding band because he is a truck driver. . . he is insulting your intelligence. I know many truck drivers who wear their wedding bands. He is a lying, disrespectful jerk.
Go to school & learn to do something that pays enough for you to survive on and then dump the low-life.
2007-07-21 08:40:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
have to tried talking to your hubby about your concerns,i dont know what you look like,but you seem like a beautiful person on the inside,all i can tell u is when your in a relationship,it is supposed to make you feel even more fufilled then you were before,if you dont feel happy,then leave,and get a man that will kiss the ground you walk on,thats the way its supposed to be,and you deserve it.
2007-07-21 08:59:47 · answer #9 · answered by marie e 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why he doesn't wear the ring, a lot of men that work don't wear there ring because it gets in the way of whatg they have to do.
About him not introducing you to his friends, that's not right.
2007-07-21 08:34:48 · answer #10 · answered by Lilliand 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋