Question for bisexuals...?

Question

Everyone on here knows Jack is bisexual, but in everyday life, I'm much more closeted. I'm more open about it with my gay friends, but even some of them I've not told, because whenever I've admitted it to gay people, I've almost invariably been told I was gay, but in denial. As far as straight friends, few at all know. I always feel like I'm being secretive to one person or another as far as this is concerned.

Does anyone else have the same struggle? Sometimes I feel as though I don't really fit in with any group at all.

This "sleeping on both sides of the bed" question has been brought to you courtesy of Jack

Answer 1

Dude... I am in the same boat. It's too personal for a forum like this, mainly because a lot of gay dudes seem to have as issue with bi-guys..as you say. I usually just settle debate by claiming I'm "sexual".

My oat-inspired answer is courtesy of Italo-Americano trade relations.

Answer 2

Well, I'm not bisexual, but I do want to comment. As a gay man, I do not think you're in denial. I very much believe people can be bisexual. I've met several in my life. What really matters is that in my contacts with you and your posts, you have been pleasant, friendly and respectful and you ask interesting and clever questions.

Answer 3

I suppose you and my friend have the same issue here.She's facing the same struggle too.She's a bi-sexual too.

She's never open to girls bout this.Because Most of them find people like her type abnormal.And she told me that she's more free when she's with her Bi friends.Because she can open up to them easily.She's struggling as she finds that she fits nowhere.In general people think that she's straight.Whereas,on the other hand she can't really fit into the Bi-group.

So,you're not alone.At least my friend is also in such a fix.

Answer 4

Perhaps the reason you don't fit in with any group is that you don't totally belong to any one group. You may be able to function sexually with both men and women, but chances are that you do have a preference for men or women but don't want to label yourself. As long as you refuse to label yourself you will remain apart from the groups. I wish you the best of luck----

Answer 5

I'm a married bisexual, which makes me a bit of an odd duckling, I suppose. Now that I am married and technically off the market, I find it easier to let people assume I'm straight, or asexual, or nonsexual, or whatever they assume married people are. I'm a sex educator and counselor, too, which makes it all the more scary, because I don't want to become overly identified as a sexual creature, to avoid projection. Been there, done that, and it wasn't good.

When I was single, though, I always found that being bisexual was unnecessarily political. You're completely right in that each "side" wants define you as something. It's been my experience as a bisexual woman that lesbians always thought I was just a confused lesbian, and men always thought I was just a confused straight woman. I was never confused, except when I thought I only wanted one gender or another.

I really never got the concept of fitting into a group. I suppose I was lucky because I was always something of an outsider. I moved around a lot, and was always racially and culturally a bit outside (long story), so the concept of trying to fit in was never really that important to me. I grew up in a very conformist society (Japan), where I had no hope of ever conforming because of factors out of my control (I was only half-Japanese), so I just never tried. Likewise, it never occurred to me to try to fit into the mold of being straight or gay, or even bisexual.

I think perspective helps, though. I'm a lot older now than I was when I was more "actively bisexual" (i.e. not with my husband). When I was younger, I felt like I had to prove things to other people in a way I don't now. Now, either because I'm in an established relationship (an issue in itself, because it requires chosing one gender, and commitment), or because I'm older and more mature, the need to prove things to others is less salient.

I don't need to out myself to people anymore, in terms of it being a big "issue." Yes, since I'm married now, a lot of people will assume I'm straight, and I guess I don't care. When I was in a long term relationship with a woman before, they assumed I was lesbian. I also didn't care about that. Most people I'm close to either know and understand, or know and don't understand but also lack the capacity to understand. In practical terms, there's only so much about your sexuality you need to explain to your parents, grandparents, cousins, etc. If you were straight, you probably wouldn't be filling their ears with every single detail of all your relationships, either - or if you would, that would be an issue all its own.

Good luck with your struggles. I think it's not all that uncommon. A lot of my bisexual male friends find it very uncomfortable to have gay male friends for the very reason you state, by the way. I have one bisexual male friend who absolutely hates gay men, because they are so intolerant of the fact that he is currently in a relationship with a woman.

I heartily agree with the poster who answered with the simple comment that "sex is sex." Ultimately, sexuality doesn't fall under easy labels. Most of us find that it's frustrating to try to live up to a label, and much easier to simply go on and be who we are, realizing that labels are just a quick way of organizing ideas and not a definition of our being.

Answer 6

I'm not bisexual, I'm lesbian, but my daughter is.

I explained to my daughter the very struggle you explained so well. It's understandable and very unfortunate, because nobody, the gays, the straights, nobody understands bisexuals and nobody accepts them. I know so many gay people who won't date someone bi, even I have been guilty of that. I think OUR community should get over it, gain better understanding, and become a better support for bisexuals.

After all, we want to be understood and we face the same problems, just on different levels.

Answer 7

Even if you claim to be versatile in our society, you would have the same struggle. I see and understand Bi sexual. When you think about it, Sex is Sex! Yes, we all have things we like! but it really is the same physical motions be it with, a girl, a boy or even yourself.

Answer 8

When I meet most straight people I tell them I am gay. It is easier than explaining that I have only met two women in my life that I was attracted to.

I am more open with my gay or bi friends though.

Answer 9

at first it was like that with me then i started not caring what people thought of me and not i am happy and out in the open about it

Answer 10

yea i feel the same way.....but in my case everyone thinks im only saying im bi to be "cool".....