When making love to my husband their are things that he wants to do to me. (oral, kissing certian places etc...) The problem is that some of these things do not turn me on. And Even though i tell my husband that does not turn me on he wants to do it anyway. He has told me that performing oral turns him on. I think he should want to do things that turn me on regarldess if they turn him on or not. When I stop him from doing something that I don't like he gets upset with me. I want our love making to be about him wanting to please me, but i feel that its just about HIM wanting to do whatever turns HIM on. Why does my husband want to continue performing oral sex (or any sexual act) on me if it does not turn me on?
2007-07-21 07:34:05 · 27 answers · asked by ilih2006 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I tell my husband what turns me on, but he says "What turns YOU on does not turn me on."
So again, it looks like its about him.
2007-07-21 07:41:41 · update #1
Sounds like a man.
On the other hand, if you had premarital sex, why didn't you set the boundaries then so that your sexual compatibility was clear.
If you didn't have premarital sex.. here's another vote for it.
2007-07-21 07:38:23 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 3⤋
I've never enjoyed giving or receiving oral sex. But I enjoy things that other women might find objectionable. My husband enjoys receiving oral. I feel degraded every time I do it. I don't do it often. Maybe once a year for his birthday. I've given him a choice. Let me decide, or I can throw up on him...that's how it makes me feel. Your husband is being selfish. If he's doing something to you that you don't like, he is violating your body. Make him stop...if he pouts, tell him to grow up! Just because some of these guys see porn films and read magazines that have women "enjoying" this stuff, they seem to think we are all the same. NOT SO.
2007-07-21 16:09:08 · answer #2 · answered by janice 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you both have a selfish attitude... Just read what you wrote. He does things that turns him on and you want him to do things that turn you on. Love Making is not a selfish act, but it is about doing things that turn each other on, about satisfying each other.
You both need to talk about what your likes and dislikes are and then perform the likes on each other. It is about compromising. If oral does not turn you on, but turns your husband on, let him do it ones in a while. In return ask him to do things that turns you on. The concept, give a little to receive a little applies in the bed room also. Good luck.
2007-07-21 14:51:29 · answer #3 · answered by jimmy.parker06 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Sex and marriage are not mutually exclusive.
If you want the sex in your marriage to be good, you need to be able to express yourself freely. In that, it also means that your spouse should be able to explore his fantasies too.
There is of course a boundary or limit to what is acceptable to each person. It isn't necessary what the other person likes. But just something that perhaps doesn't offend.
Oral sex is a turn on for some people, others not. It is not about what the other person wants as much as a balance on how not to offend.
For example: My husband loves bondage to some degree. Do I love it? Not particularly. An hour handcuffed isn't great. Sometimes it is rather uncomfortable actually. But .....he respects my limits. If i say it hurts, he stops what he is doing. But I don't tell him it doesn't turn me on. In fact, I let him get his jollies. Why not? I like to tie him up and tickle him. He hates being tickled and won't tolerate it at all unless I tie him up. It is something that we both do to make the other happy.
Marriage is about exploration and love. When you love someone you let them be happy. Explore. Think about it....sex is about happiness for both people. I
Sex is about balance. Perhaps your problem isn't about oral sex as much as the fact that he is getting mad at you for not liking it. Tell him you aren't comfortable but learn to let him like it....the same goes for him. If it doesn't hurt, try to enjoy it. Afterall, you might (just might) like it....if you didn't feel forced.
It has worked for me...and believe me, I am not always in the mood. We just balance it out.
2007-07-21 14:46:14 · answer #4 · answered by kishoti 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think maybe you don't realize you are doing the exact same thing he is....you say "I want our love making to be about him wanting to please me" and "I think he should want to do things that turn me on regarldess if they turn him on or not". Do you realize that these statements reflect exactly what you are complaining about him doing to you? This is a two way street and you should want to please him as much as he should want to please you. Be the bigger person and take the first step, do things that turn him on and then you can tell him that its his turn to do the same for you. That way you can both get what you need not just one or the other. Compromise is the key here just as it is in any other part of your relationship.
2007-07-21 14:42:37 · answer #5 · answered by CalamityJane 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You both should be trying to satisfy each other and respect the others wishes when told no. If necessary it may be wise for the pair of you to seek the assistance of a sexual counsellor in order to learn how to honour each other when making love, and not just practicing the sex act.
2007-07-21 14:41:15 · answer #6 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sometimes even if you don't like it you have to think of him. Think about that everytime he does something you don't like you stop him so he doesn't get turned on. You are being a little selfish so just let him do it to make him happy even if it doesn't turn you on. He is your husband so you should try to turn him on as well as he should turn you on. Be considerate and know he really wants to, good luck!
2007-07-21 14:40:39 · answer #7 · answered by Foryou42 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Are you both leo??? you too need to change the way how you think. It is not asking another to turn you-self on, is to perform what other like and by the way your-self can have sexual fun.
2007-07-21 15:09:41 · answer #8 · answered by 24 years o natural Philosophier 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the more you turn him down, the more he wants it hun-You both need to talk about what your likes and dislikes are and then perform the likes on each other.
If he refuses then dont let him do anything until he can learn to please you as well -
it shouldnt be all about him all the time!
2007-07-21 14:52:30 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Sabre♥ 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The bozo is selfish. Don't give him any if it is always all about him.
Who cares if he gets upset with you? Tell him to get over himself or he can take care of his problems in the shower.
It is disrespectful for a man to touch you in any way that makes you feel uncomfortable. Don't tolerate it.
I'm glad that you respect yourself enough to stand up to sexual abuse. That's exactly what it is. He is forcing you to tolerate sexual things that probably disgust you. By getting upset at you, he is trying to manipulate you into giving him his own way by making you feel guilty about denying him his little squirts. What a self-centered idiot he is.
I am so angry right now about how he is treating you, I want to slug him right in the mouth. He needs to get a clue. Your sexual experience needs to be enjoyable to both of you.
2007-07-21 14:55:47 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Ask him what he wants you to do to him. take turns pleasing each other at what you like. Don't do anything that you don't feel comfortable with.It is not fair for sex to be one sided
2007-07-21 15:11:42 · answer #11 · answered by Ms. Wrinkle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋