I've been married 6 years and been together for 9. We have 2 kids. From the beginning I have never had a sexual attraction and have never enjoyed sex with him. But we got along great and developed our relationship from that. I do love him because of everything we have been through, but I'm not sure that I made the right decision in the beginning. I am comfortable with him and he loves me like no man will probably ever love me, but we have our issues, and this one is becoming big for me. I have tried telling him exactly what I want in bed but it doesn't help. I have never had an orgasm with him in all this time. I feel extremely selfish for feeling this way. Should I stay in a marriage that is comfortable and forget about this?
2007-07-21 06:41:25 · 22 answers · asked by Dish29 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
1) YOu need to determine the causes of your non-ogasmic nature. If it is pohysiological, something can be done; if it is psychological, something can be done.
2) This is the important consideration: does it matter to you? I am currently is a passionless, sexless marriage and there is NOTHING I can do that will change the situation.
So, why do I stay? There is more than sex to a marriage and I am not ready to call it quits
3) Perhaps counseling that will assist in finding a middle ground of comfort
2007-07-21 07:15:17 · answer #1 · answered by Experto Credo 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a question only you can answer. However, do not be too hasty. Since he loves you like no other man could.. then there is hope.
When you tell your husband what you want or need in bed.. is it a discussion outside of the act?
Can you find movies or books that show or tell about the moves you need to be satisfied?
Is it something he is uncomfortable with or things is too kinky?
Dont give up...
I am in a sexless marriage.. and i dont know how long it will last.. nothing that i have tried in the passed two years has worked..
Try therapist.. whether marriage or sex therapist.. this could work for you before the time for divorce papers.
2007-07-21 07:31:59 · answer #2 · answered by well since you asked. 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dish29, I personally believe that there are only the three A's that should be responsible for ending a relationship. These are Abuse, Addiction and Adultery. It doesn't sound like your relationship woes fit into any of these categories so I would suggest that you two seek out the help of a relationship or marriage counsellor in order to try and put things back on the path. It's great that you are able to communicate your feelings so openly with your partner and like all relationships growth can and should occur within relationships when there are problems. Good luck to you and I truly wish for you and yours a happy ending to this story.
2007-07-21 06:56:56 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is one tough question. If it is becoming more of a problem, try working with a marriage therapist. If that doesn't work you should think about moving on. Life is too short and you should both be happy. Wouldn't you rather have your kids see you and their father happy, even if it means being with other people in the future? I'm not saying divorce is the answer, either. I would try everything you can to resolve the issue first before considering other options. Good luck, I really hope it works out for you!
2007-07-21 06:49:28 · answer #4 · answered by Lexi 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Hell, YES! Sex is not as important as people try to make it. Lack of sex, or lack of enjoyment of sex is NO reason to end a marriage. . . . . especially to someone who loves you so much.
He does need to take the time & energy to satisfy you though. If he doesn't, he is just selfish and only interested in fulfilling his own needs.
If he really loves you like you think he does, he would be more willing to want to see you pleased as well. It can't always be all about him.
I would tell him that there will be no sex until he becomes less self-centered. That should encourage him a little bit. He has no right to treat you like a prostitute.
2007-07-21 06:57:11 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
make some counseling, talk to him also but not like you are acusing or blaming him for it - it will only make him do even less, and lower his self estime. maybe you should make some changes too about yourself and your sexual behaviour. if you decide to divorce, think good - you have 2 children and life with separated parents is not easy, i lived this myself. you deserve a good sexual life, but he also dosent deserve to leave him, because he loves you so much. did you ever have sex with anyone except for him? if you haven't, you can't even tell if it's because of him, did you ever had an orgasm before him?
and one more thing, if you are so focused on getting an orgasm you may indeed not have it - focus on making him happy, he will feel and he will try to do the same for you, but with all his heart and not because you force his hand.
you are not being selfish, but this problem has many faces, so think really good.
2007-07-21 06:50:58 · answer #6 · answered by larissa 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should stay.
If you wanted hot and heavy in the bedroom you would have ended up unhappy for OTHER reasons, no doubt. (the grass is always greener....)
You married this wonderful man and had children with him and you KNEW before you did so that you weren't sexually attracted...and now you want to use that AGAINST HIM????
How unfair is that???
You have a wonderful marriage in many ways; you DO NOT throw it away because it's not perfect in one or two places. Get into marital counseling if you want to try to improve the sex life, and keep your vows, and your children's family intact.
2007-07-21 06:56:17 · answer #7 · answered by lady_phoenix39 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. The fact that youv'e never had an orgasm with him and you've held out this long is mind-boggling. And in your shoes, I could not forget about it. It's a basic human need for both sexes. I would see if he was open to counseling before I made any decisions though.
2007-07-21 06:47:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
REMEMBER SEX IS ONLY WHAT YOU MAKE IT TO BE.....AND TO HAVE AN ORGASM YOU NEED TO LET A LIL BIT OF THE TIGER OUT AND GUIDE HIM TO THE POINT OF UR SEXUAL PEAK.show him and teach him how you enjoy it...the touch and the love and the orgasm will come......you know how too touch urself so show him how gentle and soft to be and the arousel that it brings him will be new and lead his mind to open a lil...and his eyes to new paths of intamacy....good luck...hope u get what u need soon...
2007-07-21 12:17:42 · answer #9 · answered by bigdscurrytx 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How sad! I wouldn't give up too hastily on such a great relationship. You say it doesn't help when you tell him what you want? Do you mean he doesn't do anything different or better, or it just doesn't please you no matter what he does? Have you suggested Viagra? Also, is he going down on you?? Cause if he is, and you're still not getting pleasure, then,either he is extremely incompetent, or there IS something wrong with you. Talk with your gyno. about this. There are things available thay may help you as well. Good luck
2007-07-21 06:55:43 · answer #10 · answered by Jenintn 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋