how do you be assertive with people who intimidate you, with people who you feel intimidated by?

Question

especially if youve been bullied and victimised all your life and have borderline personality disorder. im 30...
plus how do you be assertive with people who are physically stronger than you that make you feel afraid to be assertive?
plus if youve been bullied and victimised its going to make you afraid of being assertive and standing up for yourself, so how do you overcome this?

Answer 1

Well I am 54 a widow and weigh 136 lbs. I am of petite frame and not too many people intimidate me. If they do you get right in their face and ask them what the hell was that all about. And don't even think about it just do it. You will see them whither a bit, especially if you are standing up for yourself in front of others, don't wait until the moment has passed because I have learned that you may agonize over something for days while the other person who caused it has completly forgotten about the incident.

If you've been bullied all your life its time for you to change that, you were a child then you are a man now.

This does give you the advantage to recognize the "bully" and his tactics. Call him up on it. The thing bullies hate most is to be recognized this is why most bullyin is done in "pretend fun" while they are really laughing and ridiculing you. It don't feel too funny.

If you go by a school yard and hear a child bullying another do you do something about it? Don't you wish someone did for you? Doing is a great healer and you have to heal from your negative experiences of your childhood. You need to share in other words, please don't think you are the only one, because statisticly there are many.

A "no tolerance bullying" policy is great but you have to catch the bullies first right. The communities we live in have to get involved when it comes to children and youth,s current behavior or we will all suffer inthe future, we must stop the bullies because they won't there will always be one who will try to overpower the weakest.

You have to know that you are worth more than what you feel around people who intimidate you, question why they intimidate you and then examine it, do you know that you could very well be intimidating yourself without knowing it.

Is it because you think they are smarter than you, where is the proof? You see you have to analyse your way of thinking, you have to literaly sit down and break down every negative thought. It is exhausting but worth the while, because you may not realize just how negative you are being. Look at your question, "You fell intimidated by the people, it is your feeling therefore analyse it, don't just say it is because I was always bullied, there are reasons why you feel a certain way.

Standing up for yourself will come from knowing yourself better. Start there. Know who you are, how much joking is ok, and when do people cross borders that you won't allow. Set borders for yourself if someone steps over one let them know. Hey, I'm not like that... you see?

Your age is the age of wondermant, when you start to wonder about life, the meaning of it, don't block this search and seek your reality. God bless

Answer 2

Changing from passive behaviour to assertive takes time and a lot of effort on your part.Get some books and subliminal Cd's on assertiveness and work at it.If you stick with it you will change.Best of luck on your journey.

Answer 3

You can work on your body language. I have been reading a book on body language and i find it really helpful. Try reading a book on that, You can learn how to use your body language with people who intimidate you and how can you intimidate others. Trust me would be really helpful for you.

Answer 4

"GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE!" I had this manager when I first got into sales. For years my manager drilled into my head, "Get out of your comfort zone!" He kept saying I was too passive. He said I wasn't assertive. He said I needed have more confidence in myself. His challenge to me was to do something I normally never would do. He challenged me to "jump out of myself" and be someone I am not and do something I normally wouldn't do. I forced myself to do exactly this. It takes time. There will be bumps and backfires, but you must force yourself to push ahead. KEEP jumping out of yourself and do stuff you normally wouldn't do. It is so difficult at first but you will get used to it. People will respect you. Good luck!

Answer 5

don't ask what your country can do for you but ask what can you do for your country.

you are the country by the way in this analogy.