Do i wait to tell?Who do i tell first?

Question

Okay i have been married 2.5 yrs had many problems.My husband cheated on me and we seperated for 3 months.During those 3 months i had a fling with my ex.bf who had been my first bf, kiss, and everything else...We had a number of flings on and off since highschool but generally only if we were both in non-serious relationships or single.Problem is i just found out he fathered my son who is only 1 month old and has an unknown medical problem?My son has been in/out of hospital doctors cant figure out what problem is.Top it off my husband and i got back together after our seperation so i have no clue how to tell him my sons not his?
I also found out my ex.bf’s on and off live in gf was pregnant about same time i was .But their child (daughter) died shortly after birth from unknown complications.I want to tell him he has a son but am unsure how seeing as its probably not a good time?

I feel really guilty and also feel like i probably killed two relationships with one foul swoop.

I already had a rush dna test preformed so i know my son is my ex.bf child

Answer 1

first off think of your child, you have to tell everyone involved so you child can get the treatment he needs.

Answer 2

Wow, what a dilemma. I am sorry for your situation and I hope that you can find a solution, however, I am sure it will not be an easy road no matter which way you go. Your son's father definitely has a right to know about his son and if there is any health information he can give you to possibly save your son from suffering the same fate as his sister, then I would act on telling him as quickly as possible. Was he aware that you were married at the time? If he was, then he will also be aware that this new discovery may end up ruining your marriage.

As for your husband, there is no need to leave him in the dark. First, inform the father about the child and the child's condition so that you can possibly have some tests done to evaluate your son's medical condition. The only problem is that I certainly hope that your husband is not the insurance carrier for this child's medical bills, because the moment he discovers he is not the father, I am sure the medical treatment for your son will end. Also, I hope your husband is not listed on the child's birth certificate even though you may have known he did not father the child.

This will be quite an embarrassment to him when facing his family and friends to let them know he is not his son. You may need to start making arrangements to prepare for the consequence of these actions. I certainly wish the best for your child and hope that the doctors find out what is causin his illness. You definitely need to contact the father in order to possibly save your son's life.

Answer 3

I think first and foremost your main concern should be your son. if your ex had a child with someone else, and his daughter died from unknown complications, then what if your son faces the same dilemma? I think it's important to get a paternity test done, so that you can save your son, and yourself the grief of not known what his illness is. This is just something your husband will have to get over. Explain to him that during your separation you slept with your ex, and the child might not be his. Time is so precious, and wanting to save someones feelings from getting hurt just isn't your priority at the moment. Get the news out fast so that you can save your child's life. The truth needed to come out anyway, and I think the only thing that will hurt your ex is if the child is his he will have to endure more trips to the hospital, but he will at least be a part of his child's life when he needs him the most. Do the right thing, and get this out in the open fast. I pray many blessings on you and your family, and I hope your son will soon be in the best of health. Good Luck

Answer 4

You do have a problem. But, you can solve it by being honest with all involved right now. Honesty is the only way you'll ever get past this. If you don't tell the whole truth now, it will come back and haunt you over and over again. Yes, telling the truth could result in the loss of your marriage and that is a risk. But, not telling the truth will eat at you for the rest of your life and you will be living a lie day after day after day. That's no way to live. Get it out in the open now.

Answer 5

The first priority is the child's health. There may be some genetic issues and they may need some medical info or even testing from him. Ask your Doctor. Secondly, you are entitled to support from him for the child, but he is entitled to know about the son. And of course, this will probably destroy or damage the marriage. There are many children in a happy home, and not all of them are fathered by the "father". Nobody knows but the mother. If everyone is happy, I see nothing wrong with this, because it really is about the child. But the health issues are paramount and take precedence in my mind over the other issues. Ask the doctor. Luck, you will need it.

Answer 6

wow! you could not make up a story like that, Sometimes reality reads stranger than Fiction, well here goes;

Tell your husband why you are divorcing him and be nice to him, don't make the divorce difficult or mean spirited.

Tell the Man you were romping with what the deal is,only after you have a woman to woman talk with his Victim aka Girl Friend, take the DNA proof with you. she will either get out of the way for you or want you to simply allow the child to see the father, once you see where she stands, either way tell him, I just dont think you should shove the child in as a wedge to destroy his relationship with her, for as we all know , he can be a father to your child without losing his relationship with her, even though in your question that seems to be a concern or is that a wish?
Well good luck, Self Sacrafice for the love of our children is the greatest form of love we can gift them.

Answer 7

I would be surprised if your husband hadn't already thought something along those lines...I don't know what husband who was seperated from his wife for 3 mos and whose wife suddenly becomes pregnant wouldn't have at least contemplated the possibility.. I would think he was counting on his fingers when the child was born..

It will be hard to tell the truth and get it in the open.. my heart goes out to you, worrying about your son now and having to deal with all this... You have to put your son before all else, he needs to know who his father is.. His medical condition makes it paramount that the father be notified and consulted in working to find out what is going on with your child...

I know you must be heartbroken and wringing your hands right now, but you have to deal with this, tell everyone involved, and focus on your child.

You should tell your husband first, if you tell the boyfriend first it will just hurt your husband even more.. then, tell the boyfriend...

I hope your son gets the medical treatment that he needs..

Answer 8

My sister in law and I were just talking about this yesterday. In CA if you do not contest paternity within two years of paying child support, too bad for you! You can show a judge the DNA results and they will not care, you will still have to pay! I think passing a kid off on another man instead of making the real father responsible is despicable!(it happened to my brother) Every woman who does this should be thrown in jail. I'm glad I only slept with one man at a time and know who my childrens fathers are! You should be ashamed, stop sleeping around!

Answer 9

Right now your main concern is your child's health. You need to do whatever it takes to find out what is wrong. It is probably genetic and your ex will have to be told no matter what is going on with him. I'm sorry about the loss of his other child, but you still have to tell him and your husband about this. Whatever happens in your relationships with either of these men is not important at this point, your child's health is. If something bad happen, God forbid, could you live with yourself knowing you could have maybe done something, but chose not to? Please, take care of this, NOW!! Good luck and good health to your child!!!

Answer 10

There are really only two ways to approach life ~ as a victim or a gallant fighter ~ and you must decide if you want to act or react, deal your own cards or play with a stacked deck. And if you don't decide which way to play life, it always plays with you.

You have to come clean baby doll....It is the life of your son at stake here!!!

Bite the bullet, and take the medicine, it is time to pay the piper!!

I hope all goes well, any your life gets better. Let go,,,,Let God!!!

Huggs and Kisses,,,,

Lonnie

Answer 11

I think your ex has a right to know he is a father regardless, and I also think your husband has a right to know he is not... As for your son, if it is an unknown medical prolem and his half-sister died from unknown medical causes then perhaps you ex- has a defective gene causing this illness and it may help your son's diagnosis?