Please help..... he's confused?
My fiance & bf of 11 years says he is "confused" and doesn't know what he wants. Says he's not happy. We have some problems but what couple doesn't? I told him to leave and that I don't want him back unless he is 100% sure he wants to marry me and be with me forever. As HARD as it may be I'm promising myself I will not call him. I love him and don't want to lose him. But I only want him here if he truly wants to be. Does he just need space? Will he come back? Has this ever happened to any of you? Pls I need advice. Thanks.
Well it's the next day and I had an awful sleep. I want him to come home and be with me and be SURE about our future together. If I call him what should I say??? Pls help. I need advice from someone who's been there and knows what they're talking about. Thanks.
2007-07-21 02:59:33 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would just give him more time.
I know it's going to kill you.
But I wouldn't want him to come back to me unless he was d*** sure he wanted to be with me.
And he might not be sure, but time will tell.
I was in a similar situation.
I broke things off because I wanted him to go decide what he wanted.
I kept telling him..."I want someone that knows they want to be with me".
It took a month in a half (me crying every day) but it was worth it because he took the time he needed and as soon as he thought I moved on, then he knew he didn't want to be without me.
That was 8 years ago and we're still together.
Never had another doubt since then (or so he says) ;)
I did call him about once a week during that time.
Because I was afraid of "out of sight, out of mind".
And I just let him know that I was still giving him time, but that I missed him.
And when it's true love, I believe it's not "out of sight, out of mind".
I believe it's"
"Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder"
2007-07-21 03:17:05 · answer #1 · answered by MommaBear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You and him have been together for 11 years? That is a marriage all in itself. Why weren't you married earlier? If after 11 years he doesn't know what he wants I wouldn't call him. HE needs to figure it out. As much as I'm sure you love him, hes not so sure about you and the relationship. Give him space, DON'T call him, and if you don't hear from him then you already know.
Good Luck. If it doesn't work out there are plenty of fish in the sea and you will find someone that does want to marry you, be with you, and knows what he wants.
As much as it will hurt, especially after 11 years, TIME HEALS, don't forget that.
2007-07-21 03:10:38 · answer #2 · answered by Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he does not know after 11 years, then he really does not want this relationship right now.
You do not want him there if he doesn't want to be. You both will be miserable.
Why would he want to get married if you have been living together, living as if you are married, going on vacations, etc.? He is already in the marriage rut and HE IS TELLING YOU THIS.
You need to go to counseling with or without him. You need to talk this out with him to get a resolution. DO NOT WHINE, BEG OR CRY. Be a strong, independent woman.
You can survive with a man!!!
2007-07-21 03:10:25 · answer #3 · answered by mbpowell1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When I went through this it was way to hard to cut off all contact and I really cannot say for sure she would have seen things from my perspective if I had not contacted her. And lastly I never wanted to "get over" her because things would probably never be able to be the same if I had.
So i recommend that you at least let him know that you love him and miss him in the least confrontational way possible.
2007-07-21 03:12:50 · answer #4 · answered by luckyman 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've taken a very difficult step, but I think it's probably the right one. Stick to your guns. This is a rather large leap of faith you're taking. I hope it all works out for you. Good luck.
2007-07-21 03:05:57 · answer #5 · answered by rtanys 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont bother him.let him think about it. he either has found some one else attractive and doesnt want to be tied down,or he wants to see if hes ready to be tied down.let him know that your out having fun and going on.by letting him know ,i mean let him or a friend of his see you.just walk by them and say hi and keep on going.let him see that he could loose you.if you mean as much to him as he does you,then he will call you.
2007-07-21 03:11:16 · answer #6 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you 2 for sure need to sit down and open cards on table to descuss what realy problem is
that way you will find out the truth
2007-07-21 03:07:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
dont call give him some room and let him think about it. If he stays with u just because of the pressure its worse for you in the future
2007-07-21 03:03:37 · answer #8 · answered by brazilsfinest0921 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do not call him. That's the worst thing you could do. He will come home when, and if, he chooses to. Anything less is NOT beneficial to you.
2007-07-21 03:08:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I bet he is going threw the same thing and he is waiting for you to call as you are waiting for him to call.I would call him and ask what he has decided. If he says he dunno then your fears are answered.If he says he wants to be with you take him back. And I would give him his space.
2007-07-21 03:04:33 · answer #10 · answered by ognoteman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋