Is being alone all the time that bad?

Question

I spend all my time indoors, apart from when I feel like i can manage facing people at the gym, or when i go and work for a few hours at my Mums store.

Part of the reason I'm always inside is because I don't personally feel like i have friends, just a few acquintances that prefer each others company to my own.
[They're always out together and i never recieve an invite]

My Mum keeps pushing me to go out, and says that not socialising with people is bad for me, but I'm not good with people.
She also thinks i'm developing a phobia of people, because I won't go anywhere if I know large amounts of people will be there, particularly people my age [I'm 16].

I've come to accept that i spend all my time alone, but my Mum keeps pushing. Is there something wrong with the way I'm living?

The last thing i wanted was to sound whiney. If i did, I apologise.

Answer 1

Sounds like an exact description of myself. I like the way I live, but no-one else seems to. I'm happy to settle, but people keep constantly pushing me to aim for more, which only ends up frustrating me.. Who are they to decide what's 'more', and that you're unhappy because you live the way you do?

..Something like that?

Personally, I don't believe there's anything wrong with your doing, and if you feel comfortable you should keep to it.
Anything else wouldn't really be yourself, which is, in my opinion, even worse.

Sorry if I made that sound too much about me.

Answer 2

Lot's of people are content with their own company, I love spending time on my own, I can be me and I feel comfortable with my own company, I also like being with friends, ask many people and they will tell you they have Lot's of acquaintances and only a handful of friends.
If you would like to make friends, what do you like doing, or what would you like to learn, identify that and join a small group at college or a society, that way you all have something in common and you may make a friend or two out of it.

Your Mum will want the best for you... that's all.
There is nothing wrong with the way you are living, but if you would like friends, then you will find them.
Good Luck

Answer 3

Try making a list of activities or subjects that interest you. Then look for clubs,organizations,groups etc... of the same sort. Your local Library or your school can help you. You can't help but feel comfortable with people of your own realm. Your mum is right. You need to get out there. Don't accept being alone or that's just how you'll end up.

Answer 4

im exactly the same as you. ive never been able to mix with people and ive developed a phobia overtime, i even have panic attacks sometimes just from being in public. i prefer staying indoors on my own out the way, i hate getting attention so i always hope people forget about me and dont mention why im always at home. it is hard but you can change it if you put your mind to it. i have to admit i get a bit more confident if ive been drinking lol..so ive resorted to having a bit to drink before i leave the house to give me some courage. i dont know where my life is going i dont even know if this will change, i just live everyday the same hoping that one day things will be different but right now im lost! but i can relate to what youre going through so if you ever need to chat let me know. i hope things improve for you soon. (im 18)

Answer 5

Hello,

(ANS) I would ask you if you like your own company? spending a lot of time alone is a choice your making (I'm not judging you here) but you may like your own company more than other people do. Being alone is NOT necessarily a negative thing.

NOTE: Being alone or on your own is one thing & can be a positive experience, however its "very different from" feeling lonely, isolated, disconnected from others which is NOT a good experience.

**I like my own company and great deal & I recognize that I'm lucky in this regard, & I can relate too your situation because I too don't enjoy large social events, with crowds of people or large groups. But thats just me, thats just how I am and rarely feel lonely although I am extraordinarily alone much of the time.

**The question for you is more about how you make relationships with others, how you make friendships with others, what happens for you inside when you meet with others, may be your still learning how to make friendships & relationships we all have to start somewhere, no! its NOT easy but that doesn't mean there is anything wrong or bad inside you. It just means you don't feel comfortable in a social situation or haven't had enough practice in social situations.

**Relationships are about having something in common with another person, something you share or enjoy doing together. It can be anything from bird watching through to chess games to formula one to astronomy,etc.

**Relationships involve being vulnerable ( we each need each other) & are also about allowing others to see who you really are, to see your good sides & talents and your bad sides such as what upsets you or makes you angry and so forth. The more we know someone the more you can just be yourself with them, in their company.

**Relating to others is about being seen and seeing into others, listening and knowing when to talk, relating is the pleasure that comes from a mutual dialog from interaction, its a kind of give and take.

**No! I don't hear you complaining or being whiny but I do sense your worrying about this matter. I don't think there is anything wrong with you at all, only that you haven't found a way to socialize that you feel comfortable with yet.

**Feeling very alone & lonely can be a normal part of being a teenager and a part of growing up through the teenager years, the teens can be a very difficult time of life. I remember it well.

Kind Regards Ivan

Answer 6

You shgouldnt have to feel uncomfortable with any of those situations. nor should you have to be in them if you dont want to.

I was once very similar in many ways. infact I still am - I just dont feel as such uncomfortable with any kiind of social situation anymore and dont avoid it. but then to 'cure' that against my familys better judgement I went to work as a door to door salesman (trial by fire somewhat).

your perception of others, seems to suggest you consider friends to have a stronger connection than what you seem to find. your 'problem' is confidence - not a lacking but a possesing of it I'd hazard, some people find an inner strength rather than a persistant out display in such a way that they dont seem to want to spend time so much, or perhaps have an expection of you pushing your self into everything (still trying to sus it myself). personally I beleive in quality against quantity of friends - good friends are better than mates that you cant count on.

* I say you seem confident in a quiet, or inner way because of how you describe others - you havent put any down. none of how things work seems to affect you other than wher you are being pushed to do that which you have no desire to do. and you seek to understnad rather than getting angry or irritatedd as such.

you seem to be very polite, not wanting to seem whiney :)
I very much like the qualities you display as person.

dont allow this to knock your confidence. dont second guess yourself. come to understand why you feel the ways you do, people will be less able to knock you (tho I suspect you already do pretty much).

your not doing anything - there is nothing wrong. never assume your doing anything wrong, try perhaps if you must, to view in terms of there are just diffrent ways and some fo those ways may be better. but not wrong or right. when a person starts to feel they being wrong (for not doing anything really wrong) it can be such a downer, that can cause problems.

Answer 7

There's nothing wrong with the way you're living, if you're happy with it.
If you're not happy, then there is something wrong, either with the way you're living, or maybe because you feel you're not doing what society expects of you, and you fell you're failing as a result.
We are all expected to have friends, be sociable and enjoy it. Look at Facebook, everyone desperately trying to get more friends. Who cares?
I don't!
I like working with people with learning disabilities (autism). People like this aren't really concerned about social acceptance. Spending time with them is quite refreshing. Maybe you could look out for something to do in that line of work, even if it is voluntary to start with. It is very rewarding.

Answer 8

I don’t think it is healthy spending all your time alone because I believe it stunts your socialization skills. If you have friends who never invite you functions, pull one of them aside and ask them why. However be prepared for the answer.

I suggest you join a group that interests you. This way you are entering an environment with others who share your interests. There is nothing wrong with spending time alone, but you don’t want to isolate yourself from others.

I would also suggest you start attending outdoor functions if only for a few minutes. After a few attempts and each time staying longer and longer you will begin to feel a bit more ease around people.

Usually when people isolate themselves from others it is usually because they don’t feel comfortable with themselves and probably think others are constantly judging them. And most of the time, this self-judgement is all in their heads...

Answer 9

I think it is very positive that you enjoy your own company and feel at ease spending time alone, you are not relying on people to boost your self esteem, there is nothing wrong with that.

Your 16 and your still changing, mentally and physically and I went through a very similar stage at your age. You will start going out more when you feel ready, if you feel it is a problem then start setting yourself goals just to go out every now and again with friends but I wouldn't rush into going to nightclubs everynight.

Don't worry, you sound like a very sensible woman, go out more when you feel ready.

Answer 10

You have to be who you want to be, and some people are more sociable than others.

That having been said, it is good to have people you can spend time with if you get bored or lonely. It is probably in your best interests to try and make friends. Have a go at turning those 'acquaintances' into mates - i did the same over the last week and the new people have said i can hang out with them whenever i want. i got three new people on msn in two days! Trust me, if i can do it you can. You said you arent good with people - not many humans are. But there is at least one friend out there for everyone :)

I think your mum is being abit extreme, but im sure you can see why. She wants you to be happy, and have people to look out for you and make you smile. Good luck!