Do you forgive or not?

Question

Do you think you could forgive a spouse who has cheated on you or do you automatically give up the marriage as 'all over?'


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Answer 1

Easy to forgive hard to forget.

You can say it to hear it but your heart will never agree.

Answer 2

You will never fully get over it, I'm sorry to say. Everything may be going well for a year or two-- and then that one night he is out "with the boys" or "working late" it will all come back to you. The insecurity, the images in your head...

To answer your question, you have to make a decision to either love your husband or not.

If you are going to love your husband, you have to stop thinking about the affair. I know it's easier said than done, but you just have to stop yourself whenever those thoughts creep over you. It is in the PAST, just like, say, a relationship you had with an ex-boyfriend before you got married-- it has no bearing on what your life is TODAY.

If you realize that you cannot love your husband anymore, then you have a different decision to make: Do you want to stay married to him anyway? (Maybe you have children, religious issues, etc.?) If you choose this path, you might end up having an affair of your own, in search of your own source of love and affection (and probably some revenge). Does this sound like a satisying way to live your life??

Sometimes, sex is just that-- SEX. It is not love or a soulmate connection or a lasting marriage. It hurts when you learn the other person has had sex with someone else, but if it was only sex and not an involved, romantic relationship, it would seem like there is hope for you to forgive your husband, and for the two of you to rebuild for a happy marriage.

Answer 3

100 % forgive, but that doesn't necessarily save the marriage. Weather or not to save the marriage would depend on the spouses response to their mistake. It would naturally take a long time to rebuild the trust but I've seen marriages survive worse and come out stronger and more blessed because of it. As for forgiveness, absolutely, if you don't it will scar you for life. If you don't forgive it will damage the way you see everyone of the opposite sex and cause you some serious trust issues in the future.

Answer 4

I forgave mine on 3 separate occasions. We are now married. I just look to GOD and know that he forgives me for all of my mistakes as he did the prostitute in the Bible. I wasn't placed on this planet to pass judgment on anyone. I've made my share of mistakes. I just happen to be a very forgiving person. I don't know how long I'd forgive THAT behavior, but I would try to anyway.

I wouldn't give up on the marriage yet. I would try to find out what drove the spouse to cheat in the first place. Was something lacking at home, or were they just looking for some side fun, or were they trying to prove to themselves that they've still "got it"? Then make your decisions after exploring all the avenues as to why.

Answer 5

Interesting story in h.s. my religion teacher ovrheard me say to a friend, if he ever cheats on me I am dumping him no second chance regarding boyfriend. She said my name and said well if that is the way you think about relationships you will be a very unhappy and lonely when you get older.

I was mortified and said so you are saying I should be someones door mat?
She just shrugged and said I was young and naive.
I went home to my mom and rehashed the whole story shocked a woman in an all girls school would support/advocate such traditional cultural subordinate values.
My mom frowned showing dissatisfaction and said maybe she is speaking from her own experience/feelings. However, they should not have been expressed to a teen. I hated that teacher lost respect after that. Telling me to be a doormat .

Would I forgive I honestly, don't know factors of kids etc come into play now. Would it forever change the course of our mariage absolutely. COuld I trust again -no. I don't think it would be something I could get past nor would I expect he if I were the guilty party.

We have known people who cheated in marriages and I asked before we married if you have any doubts, any wild oats to seed we should hold off. He said no and the date was set.

I guess for me it is about respect. You may not love me all the time, their maybe someone beautiful people, tough times etc, but if you respect me.....

Answer 6

At one time, Peter ( Mathew 18:20) came to Jesus and asked Him; how many times can he forgive his brother, and Jesus replied 7 times 70 which is 490 times per day. This obviously meant that when it comes to forgiveness, there is no limitation, and neither did he specify the sins we can forgive each other.

So I would say that I would forgive my spouse whatever sin she or he has committed, after all we are all human beings who are weak in the flesh.

Talk to your spouse and if there is genuine repentance, forgive and continue with your marriage. After all where else can you get a better angel, besides the one you have.

Wish you all the best.

Answer 7

This is a very difficult question. My husband cheated before we had gotten married and I forgave him. I was highly upset, of course but I felt that at least he told me about it instead of me finding out from someone else. BUT... now that we're married, if it happens, again, it's over! I don't want to be like people that I know that keep forgiving their spouse after they've cheated and cheated and probably won't stop cheating: I can't see myself being that person!

Answer 8

Now there's a difference I think. When your in a relationship which is really just an agreement, with man and women to be involve, if one cheat, then yes it's over. In my mental state I would feel like we made a verbal commitment as were we are trying to get to know one another and you want someone else. But, In marriage, to whom you mad vows, it really depends on the situation. Granted, some things happens and, it's not easy in marriage. But, to be excessive about cheating then NO, adultery were it's in god's law grounds for divorce. So basically, cheat once yes, cheat again in marriage, divorce.

Answer 9

I would probably just forget it if my husband ever cheated on me. I know I could never forgive him or forget what he has done. Furthermore, I know I could never trust him again. Without trust I would feel our marriage was useless and over anyways. It would be a tough situation and it would be hard to just walk away from him but I think if he would do something like that then I would better off without him. No one deserves to be cheated on like that and if the marriage meant anything to him I would think he wouldn't do that to me.

Answer 10

Tough question but yes, you can forgive but you will never forget. Some marriages have even become stronger while others of course have ended in divorce. Seek marriage counseling where you will find out alot about each other you never knew existed. Saving a marriage especially when children are involved is well worth it. Good luck!

Answer 11

My husband cheated on me also and I left him for 2 months. I did forgive him. You both need to sit down and talk seriously about it. Find out exactly why he cheated and work from there. I have been married to my husband for 24 years now. If you both truly love each other then things can work out, but it will take both of you to work it out.
I still have a very hard time trusting him after two years of this happening, but we do love each other and our marriage is getting stronger. Yes, there are repeat cheaters, but I found that it takes an awful lot of prayers and trust in each other to make a marriage work.
Good Luck to both of you..