When my husband and I was engaged we found out I was 2 months pregnant, we got married a month after. My girl is now 2 months old and he thinks it is a walk in the park to raise a newborn. He works as a kitchen mamager form 10 in the morning until 10 at night. So basically I am a single mom. He doesn't understand why i am frustrated an tired. He probably thinks I sleep all day. He only sees her when she is happy and not crying that is how he thinks she is all the time. He does not see when she is crying 4 hours at a time. I cant afford a nanny so I do all the house work and cooking and shopping and still have to look after her by myself. He does not wake up when I nurs her every four hours at night. He sleeps from 10 int he evening until 10 the morning and still has the odasity to complain he is tired. I am lucky if I get 5 hours sleep a day. And then I am not allowed to complain I am tired. He even asks me where is his cofee when he wakes up. Am I the only one going throug
2007-07-20 21:35:43 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am a guy. Married over 15 years... so here's the deal...
YOU be STRONG!!! Don't get up for him. If he complains, just leave the house with your baby, for a few hours or until he leaves the house.
If he doesn't learn to be sympathetic and considerate of your situation after trying to have him really listen to you, get up before he does, write him a note... tell him that you are taking a day off and that you are leaving the baby with him. F#ck his work. Let him deal with the situation for a day.
Later that day, call him. Let him tell you how right you are. If he calls to ***** at you, hang up on him.
You have to take a chance with him and MAKE him see what it's like what you do. Apparently he is stupid and does not care to understand what you do and who you are.
You have to take a stand NOW, or risk being unhappy for the rest of your life WITH him, or maybe you would be better off leaving him with your baby...
Guys are dumb... I know, 'cause I'm a guy... Until they are put in a situation of learning to appreciate something they won't learn.
Be strong. Do what you gotta do!!!
best to you and your family...
2007-07-20 22:01:21 · answer #1 · answered by james 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hi there no youre not the only one ive been there and he has to have time of at some point so you book youre self into get youre hair done or what ever you fancy and you say to youre hubby you can have some real father daughter time together and leave all the things around the house if youre feeding her youre self .....express some it wont do her any harm to feed from a bottle ........and you go and enjoy a couple of hours of being pampered or going for a long coffee after wards ....and let him find out for him self that looking after a new born baby is no easy task .....they are the only thing on this earth that doesnt come with batteries or a handbook in 12 different languages !!?? i know ive been there after youre day of being of duty he is going to have a lot to say for him self like you took ages and she has done nothing but scream the place down .......that is where you say well this is how my days are like .......soo do youfancy becoming a house husband .....his answer is going to be yes of course ?only joking it will be no ..........but it might make him think ,that he needs to do his bit of helping he was there for the making her bit so he has to do something to help you and as for the coffee ....."its next to the kettle ""god said i was good but not a frigging octupus!!!! that might sort him out !! good luck and take care xx
2007-07-20 22:26:33 · answer #2 · answered by a parent hows been there !! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha, wow you really screwed yourself didn't you?
Why are you doing all the cooking and cleaning and making him coffee in the morning? If my husband asked me where the coffee was, I'd tell him it's in the cupboard and to make it himself. Have some self respect woman! If you want to cook for him, do it, but don't think it's your duty. It's not.
Tell him that you're tired and tell him that for the next couple of evenings he's going to be cooking and you can offer to wash the dishes. Explain to him with a newborn it's important that you get yourself sleep when the baby is sleeping, so if he wants breakfast in the morning and you're getting your sleep, tell him to make it himself.
To make the point clear, get some formula and have him get up in the night to nurse the baby.
2007-07-20 21:41:47 · answer #3 · answered by qwertatious 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that you are just tired. I have 4 children. Each of them I would take care of while my husband slept. You both have a job, his is make sure he keeps a roof over our heads and food on the table. Yours is to take care of the baby. Maybe, you can take the baby to yours or his mothers for a while. Most grandmas will take the baby for a few hours. Then take that time and catch up on your sleep. Talk to them about maybe helping you a little bit. See about you and your husband going out together somewhere. What happen with me and my husband is that we put all of the work into being mom and dad we forgot about being husband and wife.
Good luck and enjoy this special time in your babies life it is so short.
2007-07-20 23:42:08 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs.Crow 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have my empathy...Being a single Mum and feeling unsupported must just be a living nightmare...
He needs to see what is involved, especially regarding sleep deprivation. If you can't face the attitude this guy obviously has to you maybe ask a close friend or save up for a counselling session to act as a neutral third party.
Don't let it go on, stand up and be counted, you are doing a massively important job; training a small human being as to how to live in this world!
He has to do more than just put bread on the table. It took two of you to create her so he has to add his part too.
2007-07-20 21:46:34 · answer #5 · answered by John S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl, I did it with 5 little ones. When the last one was born, my oldest was just 7. I've been a stay at home mom, while hubby goes to work. While you may feel exhausted and feel taken for granted, just stop a second and count your blessings. He is providing for you and your child and that is a good thang. There are actually men who don't do even that. You all have good health I'm assuming, and thats a good thang. Food, water, clothing, working vehicles, electricity? Theres so much to be thankful for.
Remember, men aren't women. Its not wrong or bad, its just how they are wired. You have the privilidge of raising your own child, be thankful!! They don't stay little for long.
2007-07-20 23:05:29 · answer #6 · answered by ellen 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go away for a weekend!
Maybe plan for some "alone" time, or catch up with your friends. Leave instructions if it makes you feel more comfortable, and leave the rest up to him!
I know as a Mom it's hard to leave the baby sometimes, but you will feel so much more refreshed and maybe he will get a clue! You deserve a break, and deserves a lesson!
Good Luck!
2007-07-20 21:52:28 · answer #7 · answered by MoonGoddess 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
So your marriage is based on non communication? Of course your husband doesn't hae a clue what you are going through...YOU DON'T TALK TO HIM! It is up to YOU to sit down and TALK to your husband, TELL him what you are going through instead of expecting him to know everything that goes on during the day when he isn't around. How can he KNOW what is going on when he is not there? If you can't communicate with the man then Why in HELL did you marry him? Obviously you didn't know him or even TALK to him before you spread your legs and allowed him to plant his seed. And NOW you're blaming him for everything that YOU are going through...grow up child and quit your whining. YOU put yourself where you are stop blaming him.
2007-07-20 22:08:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Wait till he has the day off, give him the baby and some formula and tell him you want a coffee in the morning.
2007-07-20 21:57:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
he may not understand how hard you work but working 12 hour days is tough too so neither of you have an easy job
2007-07-20 21:59:04 · answer #10 · answered by Holly Berry 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋