I left my ex almost 2 years ago because i was miserable. the divorce still isn't final due to lots of reasons and we have both had serious relationships since eachother...but i can't stop missing him. i hate who he is now...and i remember how unhappy i was but i still love him so much! he hates me for leaving him and he met someone else almost immediately and he is still with her and it makes me feel like i was worthless. i just don't know how to move on.
2007-07-20 18:51:11 · 17 answers · asked by savigrl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
there have been quite a few insightful answers but i figured i would add some comments...1) i have decent self esteem, i can act like a girl and be insecure once in awhile but i am actually very proud of who i am and proud that i had the courage to leave when things were bad. 2) i have moved on and i don't want to go back to him, i just get random moments of weakness where i miss how in love we were. 3) i don't need to write to people in prison
4) i have a lot of guilt because even though i told him i wouldn't be there when he got back months before hand...i didn't officially leave my husband until he was in iraq. and its hard to forgive myself for that
5) one of the reasons i left was because i wanted to go back to college and i did and i am very happy with where my life is headed.
ok..i could go on so i will stop rambling for now.
2007-07-20 19:13:31 · update #1
Well time makes you forget the reasons why you left...like you remember the good and not alot of the bad...and you think you remember the love, but what it is...is the fact that he moved on so quick...almost like who cares she is out of the picture..but you have to remember that he moved on because of him...not because of you...he was feeling hurt when you left...he grabbed onto the first thing he could and isnt about to let go...he feels the same that you feel...he comes off like he hates you but really if you just told him you was sorry or something he would probably appoligize too...he is wanting your forgiveness, acceptance...whatever it is...
2007-07-20 19:00:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are feeling the way you are is because he's has someone and you don't yet and that's what makes the worthless part come in. But he may hate you for leaving but at least you got out of a relationship you weren't happy in. Alot of people stay in crappy relationships because they don't like change or they just settle and for many other reasons and they remain miserable.You are going to miss that person because you two were together for a long time I'm assuming and feelings were once there. The more time that you are alone you are going to miss him because he was all you knew. Try going out with friends and get out and meet people. You might not end up with the first guy you meet but the right one will come along and pretty soon you'll see that your not missing him anymore. If you stay home all the time you are going to keep continuing to miss him and that's no way to live. So just take baby steps in getting out and mingling with people. You'll have fun and your mind won't constantly be about him. I wish you the best with this.
2007-07-21 02:04:25 · answer #2 · answered by babieshay27 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how you feel.. been there.. but, you've allowed yourself to move on.. sorta.. so just keep moving. I think the thing that's bothering you the most is that, he hates you... or says that he hates you.. and that you see a man that you loved and still do love and... you just don't know him anymore and you can't understand why.. you don't know if he changed or if he was always like that and you just couldn't see it...
It's a hard situation to deal with your feelings and you shouldn't try to not love him cause you always will, you were married. You just need to come to grips with that and don't turn back.. stop thinking about the goods time when he loved you and when things were great and remember why the two of you didn't last.. Easier said than done... I know from experience...But, You'll be o.k.
2007-07-21 01:59:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man I know that hurts!! My situation sounds very similar to you except I am the woman what met a man after a divorce that he had before meeting me and we have been together for 1.5 years. I think that you are feeling regretful like you made a terrible mistake and that's what hindsight will do to all of us. My man has said that his ex has told him that she now knows how good of a man he is since she has had a chance to see what is out there. I am sorry that you are going through this. You have to let it go though because he has moved on and he is not going to come back. You will always love him, that is normal, but it's time to let the past be the past. All you have is the now.
2007-07-21 02:05:04 · answer #4 · answered by atlantaluxe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The first thing you have to do is come to terms with the fact that it is over. Understand that you will always have some type of love for him. Ask yourself do you just have love for him or are you still in love with him. If you answer for him you are taking the first step to move on. If you answer with him then you are not really ready for things to be over. The biggest step in moving on is coming to terms with yourself. I have been there before. It is not an easy road to travel but eventually the path does get smoother. You will progress once you are ready don't rush it or else you will end up a wreck. Take the time to heal and rediscover who you are and what you want.
2007-07-21 02:11:10 · answer #5 · answered by Tina E 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do not confuse loving him for loving the idea of him. I would hazard a guess that if you think of him it is upsetting, but if you think of the relationship and the enjoyable parts of what you had with him, then you miss it. Just imagine the situation you had but create an ideal guy to put in his place. How do you feel? Now, think of being stranded on a desert island with him. How do you feel? Which one did you like better? You move on by deciding to. Replace thought of him with something else. Repeat to yourself that it is better now and you are make you life happy. And get busy moving on. You can get old being happy, and you can get old being miserable. But in either case you still get old. It's your choice.
2007-07-21 02:24:02 · answer #6 · answered by sm427hr 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, its pretty simple. Since you don't have self esteem and obvious gravitate towards men who don't appreciate you and will just use you, my suggestion is to start a pen pal with men/women in prison. Theyre emotional cut off from society, so any contact from a new person would be grateful. You can have a meaningful and useless relationship communicating with the convict and then, when he/she get released, they can leech off you until you get upset and leave them too, only to recycle the process again. I figure this way, you can do this method for 10 to 15 years at which point, you might get tired and eventually become the "old crazy cat woman". MEOW!
2007-07-21 02:02:21 · answer #7 · answered by Jason B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Most likely, you are still attatched to the idea of who he was. It is also natural to feel pain when we see someone who was once ours with someone else-- it's an ingrained "I want that back!" instinct that stems from childhood. For now, the best things to do are: Remember he does NOT define you. Remember things WILL heal, time eases heartache. Involve yourself in new activities, not neccessarily to meet new people, but to build a life outside of him, a life that YOU control and gives you self-attained happiness. Good Luck!
2007-07-21 01:57:05 · answer #8 · answered by Annie N 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because a marriage is supposed to be forever, until death were you supposed to part.
"Because I was miserable" is not a valid reason for divorce, and I want to outlaw divorce on those grounds. Being unfaithful IS the only valid reason for a divorce, and it appears you have both succeeded in that regard -Congratulations.
2007-07-21 01:53:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to go see a counsler. He did not make you YOU and if you were not happy then you don't need him. He was not good for you and you need to find yourself and love yourself before you can move on.You need to choose to not be sad anymore and don't let him bring you down .Make your life the best you can for YOU and you will find the right person when you do that. Stop LETTING him make you feel worthless...choose happiness......and then you can move on...good luck!!
2007-07-21 02:00:11 · answer #10 · answered by lillorikay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋