so i'm having problems with my husband of 3 years. (see other ?s) basically we're 27, he's going out every wkend and i'm staying home with our daughter for the most part. even when we get a sitter, there's no "us" time. i feel like 6 years of being together we are in a routine. wake up, go to work, come home, eat supper, go to bed-do it all over again. we talk-like we're best friends, and laugh. i feel like we've been married for 40 years and there's just no lust, no passion. is this what i'm in store for for years and years to come? should i be happy with this?
2007-07-20 14:36:33 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
ok, maybe i worded wrong. no lust, no passion (other than the 1 min/night) i guess i should say....i feel like he avoids me when he's home, til bed. now....any tips
2007-07-20 14:45:23 · update #1
No you should not be happy with this or satisfied with it. It is time to fall in love again.
Try making a date with your spouse and keep the date. Dress like you would if you were going out for the first time and don't be shy if you want to make a pass at your spouse do so.
Feel free to enjoy a new type of relationship the one of maturity, love all over again if you can't remember why you fell in love the first time find new things to love about him all over again.
2007-07-20 14:46:54 · answer #1 · answered by bonita_cooper2002 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow, you could be me talking about 9 years ago. I was in the exact same place. All of the answer's I've read so far are pretty much on target. It's very easy for life to get in a routine. It's time to shake things up. Lots of people have given you sex advice and that's great and yes you should do it. I'm going to go in a different direction. I think you are going through what many women do around the age of 30. The "is this it?" syndrome. Yes, that's it IF you've stopped dreaming and growing together. I'll tell you what worked for us. We take a trip every year, usually a long weekend. We plan something fun but also plan a little time to dream and set goals. Not only for us as a couple but for our family and as individuals. We treat it almost like a working business trip for our life. Sometimes getting out of the day to day routine and sending the kids off to grandma's can really be uplifting. This gives you time to not be distracted by friends and family. Go to a quiet place where it's only you and him. Encourage him to dream big as well. Are you happy? What do you like about your life? What do you want to change? Question EVERYTHING! Take notes and make lists. Where do you want to be in 5 years? Ten years?? If you don't know where you are headed together you'll have no idea when you get there. This is a great way to get excited about life again. Get on the same page. It always helps us feel closer to each other and through the year, we're accomplishing goals and patting each other on the back. Get out of the rut and back into the business of planning your life together. It really means something when you know what he wants and he knows what you want and you both go there together. This has been something that keeps the passion up in our marriage. We are a team. We support each other. Together we can do anything! I have a feeling you guys can too! Good luck :)
2007-07-20 18:40:53 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
okay, let me start with this... if you can get a sitter, why is he going out without you?????(red flag!!!!) I am somewhat in the same boat except we have been together for 9 years or so, married for 6, are both 27, and have 2 kids....5 and 2 years old. he goes out for a beer after work sometimes.. and i haven't been out without him since we have been married. somehow he's excited to go to the bar or whatever when his friends ask.. but when we have the opportunity to go out, we do the simple stuff like dinner or a movie, no bar, lounge, club stuff. why? i could not tell you... i complain about it to the high heavens, but at the end of the day, if thats all he is willing to take me to, i guess, some outting is better than no outting at all. can this relationship be fixed or improved? of course it can. so can yours. how, you ask? i have no freaking clue, i tell you!!!!! all i know is at the end of the day, i would rather have this life, than the life of a single woman with no one to come home to. the routine we are in, is something that some people would kill for. its what they call "comfort" and its unfortunate that we take it for granted. the only part that i can comment on is him going out everyweekend alone. i would definitely put my foot down, and basically let him know how you feel about that. and if that doesn't work, i say you let him stay with the baby and you go out, at least unil he understands how it feels to be home and feel like life is passing you by while your other half is living it up..... good luck.....
2007-07-20 14:53:07 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your in a rut. Plain and simple. What you have to do is create your ideal marriage. It's not as simple as just waiting for it to happen. Get a baby sitter and spend a night out, alone with your hubby. Have a dinner, go dancing maybe a movie together. Have a couple drinks at home while spending real quality time with each other. Create your own ladder to climb out of this rut that the same routine has placed you in. Good luck to you.
2007-07-20 15:37:53 · answer #4 · answered by pappysgotitgoinon 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh, He** no, honey. You have got to shake things up!! You have to keep it alive!! Next time he is getting ready to go out try this - make sitter arrangements ahead of time, but don't leave the house until after he does. Wear something super sexy under a coat, go to the bar or club he is at and seek him out. Timing is crucial! Walk up to him and give him a peek at what is under the coat, lean in and whisper what you would like to do to him. Don't wait for a reaction - turn and walk out. Once outside, wait a few minutes and see if he follows you. If not, walk back in and find someone else (just kidding!!!)!! Seriously, when he does come out walk to your car really sexy, turn around and make out with him. Then gently push him away and drive home and be ready wherever in your house you want! If that doesn't do it - then maybe you should consider a divorce. Have fun!!!
2007-07-20 14:51:53 · answer #5 · answered by raininonsunday 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you talked about this?
Its hard when you get into a comfort zone. I feel that way at times. Hubby is tired when he gets home so he usually does his own thing then comes to bed late.
To make him last longer try different positions or different ideas. Spice it up in that way. Keep him on edge.
Its good that you have a laugh together and talk. Start to tell him that you want to have more passion. That you want to feel desired. This is something I am working on atm.
I wish you the best.
2007-07-20 15:42:18 · answer #6 · answered by fishcan'tseewater 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Jess, I have been married for 17 years and I hear your pain sweetheart. It happens to the best of us. What I do to freshen things up, I change my routine. I am not there, when he is expecting me to be. I am with my friends shopping for sexy lingerie. When he is complaining about absent dinner that night, I am serving take out in my new teddy and sexy stilettos. Make plans for a true old fashioned seduction. Arrange the babysitter. Shop for a new perfume and look up some new sex games on Internet. Flirt, tease and remind your man just how much he loves you and needs you. Don't get depressed sweetheart, your man just needs a little push in a right direction. Good luck in your new sexual adventures.
2007-07-20 14:55:07 · answer #7 · answered by ms.sophisticate 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love waxes and wanes, the excitement and lust that comes inthe first few years of marriage can't be sustained at that early stage of excitement and discovery. That is why people go from one marriage to another and the same thing happens. You have to find your way back to eachother and enjoy what grows with wisdom and grace. You have entered the world of adulthood. Now do you understand why your parents cautioned you not to go there so fast? Unfortunately, we don't get to go back once we leave childhood.Now you know why.
2007-07-20 15:34:22 · answer #8 · answered by Mama Mia 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
im 29 and my wife is 28 we have been married for 12 years..yes we married young. we have six kids together as well. i think that once you have been with someone so long and you get in a routine its hard to snap out of that. but there is always time for change. you both need to sit down and talk things through. you need the same amount of time with just you and him as well as family time. as for him going out with the guys hey once in a while is fine but no not every weekend.. nothing is going to change if you dont make the change..your going to end in a divorce because of how unhappy you are its not right. talk things through and hope for the best. marriage is a special thing not many people get to live through. dont let your end in a divorce work through all the hard times and the great times will be all worth it.
2007-07-20 14:43:35 · answer #9 · answered by adrik c 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
For better or worse.
Sounds like your feeling your marriage is bland. Be creative! Have you guys thought about counseling?
Is he faithful? A good provider? Intimate?
You mentioned that you talk like you guys are best friends. Well sweety, thats a good thang. For some couples, they would like to "feel" that they married their best friend rather than feel like they're just another possession of his.
Theres hope. Don't give up, k?
Hang in there and best wishes.
2007-07-20 14:46:27 · answer #10 · answered by ellen 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋