Reader's/Answerer's Poll:
Long Time Married Men:
Is it possible to have the perfect marriage, know that you love your wife and family intensely, but still fall in love with another woman? Have you gone through this?
Is it always a "mid-life crisis" if a married man falls for a younger woman?
What have you done or what would you do in this circumstance?
Is it best to cut off a relationship like this (if neither party appear psycho, and are content), or is it kosher in modern society to have a private plutonic (or not), very much 'in love' relationship with someone outside of the marriage?
If this has ever happened to you, or is happening to you, were you happy with your choice? Do you think it could have been different?
2007-07-20 14:24:09 · 14 answers · asked by Jules Dixon 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When it happens you've crossed a very dangerous line:
What is emotional cheating?
This type of affair is often characterized by:
Inappropriate emotional intimacy. The partner being unfaithful may spend inappropriate or excessive time with someone of the opposite or same gender (time not shared with the faithful partner). He or she may confide more in their new “friend” than in their partner and may share more intimate emotional feelings and secrets with their new partner than with their existing spouse. Any time that an individual invests more emotionally into a relationship with someone besides their partner the existing partnership may suffer.
Deception and secrecy. Those involved may not tell their partners about the amount of time they spend with each other. An individual involved in this type of affair may, for example, tell his or her spouse that they are doing other activities when they are really meeting with someone else. Or the unfaithful spouse may exclude any mention of the other person while discussing the day’s activities to conceal the rendezvous. Even if no physical intimacy occurs, the deception clearly shows that those involved believe they are doing something wrong that undermines the existing relationship. In other words, if there was really no harm in meeting with a friend, both parties would feel comfortable telling their partners the truth about where they are meeting and what they are discussing.
An emotional triangle. One that may only be known to the unfaithful, who then struggles to keep the other two from knowing of the impact of one upon the other. Denial will likely characterize the unfaithful person's response to an invitation by their spouse to reflect on the competing demands of the relationship with the other person.
Sexual and emotional chemistry. Emotional affairs may not always lead to physical intimacy, but some do. The time between the first meeting and a first kiss can often be very lengthy, but the time between the first kiss and sexual intercourse may be very short. In most of these affairs, however, an unspoken attraction exists. A partner may spend extra time getting ready before seeing this "friend" or may buy new clothing or change their appearance in order to seem attractive to them. They may obsess anticipating phone calls, emails or text messages.
Denial. Denial of the presence of sexual behavior, sexuality or even of an atom of limerence. "Limerence is an involuntary cognitive and emotional state in which a person feels an intense romantic desire for another person. It is characterized by intrusive thinking and pronounced sensitivity to external events that reflect the disposition of the limerent object towards the individual."
Betrayal. There is an implicit betrayal of beliefs, believed to have been shared, about the sanctity of being in love, of a soulmate and of being faithful to values of intimacy perceived by the spouse not involved in the affair to be a core of their committed relationship.
2007-07-20 15:20:08 · answer #1 · answered by wc2ketey 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am not a man but i'll answer this. first, i think there is no perfect marriage. so deep inside some people's heart, there is always something missing. whether it's major or minor, it varies to each person. and i think whether you have a perfect marriage has nothing to do with the possiblity of falling in love with others. your heart can swing, your mind can be weak, your past can interfere, your maturity can be in check, and the attraction may be fatal. there are billions of reasons that you can fall in love with someone else outside your marriage. it's more of a matter whether you are strong and rational enough to hold your heart back and consider for others. hope you find the answers you want!
2007-07-20 15:12:03 · answer #2 · answered by xyz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
As a married man happily for over20yrs, and even
though my marriage is not perfect as nothing is
perfect, my wife and I are committed to each other
and we love each other and that is all it takes for
us to be togeather. Neither she or I would fall in
love with another because we have built our
foundation in our marriage rock solid and no-one
from the outside can get in. When a married man
truly loves his wife, is responsible, and committed
to her, no other Woman can get in the way. I have
had opportunities because women are always
looking for what someone else has but for the
respect and love I have for my wife I quickly put
them in their place respectfully. That is to say any
married man can do that or woman for that case,
and good marriages do exist and do last. My par-
ents were married for 55yrs and I plan to surpass
that if God willing. Hope this answers your ques-
tion and good luck.
2007-07-20 15:18:17 · answer #3 · answered by RudiA 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Long time love should also mean long time responsibility,
not just infatuation.
Dude, why would you want it to go that far: fully knowing
it leads to a lot of questions and the potential for multiple
woes and unhappiness.
Do you really think it is greener in the next pasture?
If your answer is "Yes," then trouble awaits.
Once you get the "other woman" on your mind, then
the lust process accelerates.
Seeing we tend to be selfish creatures and enjoy our
pleasures, then a summary is in order.
Unless you violently turn the other way, you are headed
for trouble and an affair. It always ends up messy and
grievous.
2007-07-20 14:34:15 · answer #4 · answered by Randy 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You made a commitment when you said your wedding vows. You do not have a perfect marriage because you are not a man of your word and have already broken your vows in your mind. Any woman who would consider being a home wrecker has serious problems...and if you have children she is really messed up to get involved with you. Don't be stupid!
2007-07-20 15:32:13 · answer #5 · answered by QuantumB 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Married men still fall in love with another, but they must dominate their passions.
2007-07-20 14:45:00 · answer #6 · answered by josephthuyen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no
as if you did have the perfect marriage by definition
you would be happy in love and thus would not seek outside attention with another
so in effect you are living a lie in such a false perfect marriage
2007-07-20 14:30:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
my wife and i have been married for 12 years and we both feel we have a perfect married and family. people often tell us they envy us. i nor she would ever think of falling in love with another person. when you marry its for life, yes some people tend to get a divorce but thats only because they weren't really sure to start off. (in my opinion that is) to me the vows you take are meant to stay true your supposed to marry your best friend the one person who knows you better then herself/himself. why go off and try to find someone else when you have that great person right in front of you. for those who do wonder off in the world seeking someone else to love to find that friendship with i think they are just doing it for the thrill of things. not really knowing what pain it could cause to their loved ones.
2007-07-20 14:39:15 · answer #8 · answered by adrik c 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
not a man but me and my husband are both in agreement, that it shouldn't even happen in a marriage because you should never allow yourself the opportunity to get close to someone else in that way.
If you do, then yeah obviously it would be possable to fall for that other person, its easy to cheat on somoene its a lot harder to be faithful. don't even put yourself in that situation
2007-07-20 14:28:26 · answer #9 · answered by Chads Wife 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋
yes it is possible. I believe we can love more than one person at a time. Two people can give us very different things in our life, be very different people, but we can love them both..it is a painful thing to live with. At one point you have to make a choice, especially if you are married
2007-07-20 15:05:11 · answer #10 · answered by Billie 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋