Married couples only please?

Question

(Disreguard if you are a newly-wed)

In your relationship, what do you think has gotten you through the good and bad times together? Has their ever been a case of unfaithfulness, how did you get past it and have a trusting relationship? Have you ever thought you were close to getting a divorce or doubt the strength of the relationship?


To those of you who may have already gotten a divorce, do you think there were any signs early on that maybe this wasnt the relationship for you?

Answer 1

I am an old Married Woman, as they say, who has been Married to the same guy for 49 years, and who has gone through some tough times during her Married Life. I am not implying that my Husband was a two timer during our Married Life, awe the contraire, the problems we had were of, first mine, than his, Health. When we had four kids, I took ill and we did not know what it was so, I was hospitalized and it turn out that I had an infection on one of my Kidneys, which took a year to cure. After that when I had my youngest daughter, during labor I had a heart Murmur, and it took some time for me to get well, all through that my Husband was by my side, and it seemed that this made us stronger as a couple. Did we have disagreements on anything I would say yes, but what couple can you tell me does not agree with their Mate, during their Married Life? We would always talk out our differences, and we always made up, if we did not we could not sleep a wink, until we came to an agreement on what ever it was we did not agree on. we have never been apart from each other, the only time I can remember would be when they sent my Husband out of town to some in -service from his place of work, and as he later told me "if they are going to sent me to another one of those conferences I would rather not go, if they do not agree that you have to come alone." That made me Laugh about it. We have never said anything about divorce, to us that is a foreign language.We have never doubted that we had a good stable marriage, thanks, to our Lord, I am a Woman of 65 years young, and my Husband is 67 years young also, we have Seven Kids all married with Family of their own, and Fifteen Grand kids, and a great grandaughter, who they all have all our Love, no distinction from anyone of them.

Answer 2

Unconditional love is a hard thing to find. Trust would have to be the biggest thing in a relationship.( But not always the Savior)...The weird thing is this, if there is an unfaithful partner in the relationship it creates and a very big divide . that is very hard to over come. ( back too unconditional love ). Number 1 & 2 for divorces are adultry and finances... and both bring a marraige too the brink .....Only suggestions that I can of is he or you must earn that trust back and work through the diffrences. Counsling sometimes works but get a good one you both agree on they tend too become intwinded on your entire life history and they tend too make things worse before it gets better. You'll find things out about each other that you have never even of dreamed of.....good luck

Answer 3

Everyone answers the questions with Love... well, yes, that is the reason you got married in the first place. But I say the biggest thing in any marriage is communication. I have been married for almost 3 years and whenever I feel something is going on, my husband and I sit down and talk to each other. Yes, the subject of divorce has come up, but we quickly remember the vows we took and the promises we made to each other. We talk about everything. Communication is the key to a happy marriage/relationship.

Answer 4

There were a TON of warning signs that signalled that my first husband and I were a bad match. I didn't ignore them, but I didn't comprehend their importance either. These were the biggest:

1. He had almost no friends, and the two he had were substance abusers.

2. He had extreme views about money -- either he wanted the most expensive version of a thing money could buy, or he would deprive himself of the thing altogether -- there was no compromising. Also, when he wanted a thing, he had to have it NOW or NEVER -- there was no such thing as saving up for something.

3. He and his family were either lovey-dovey with each other, or screaming full volume at each other. Rarely anything in between.

4. At the age of 27, before me, he had never been in a relationship of longer than a year.

5. In ALL of his previous relationships, he had been the breaker-upper.

Lessons learned. I was much more careful and wise in picking husband #2.

Answer 5

The love we have for each other has gotten us through our financial tough times. We've never been unfaithful to each other, though its normal to have some thoughts, they should never actually take place. Just thinking i could lose everything i have, and for what...just a fling. I have doubted the strength of our relationship but through it all, i know i cannot stand being away from my husband. He is the most loyal, and understanding man on the face of the earth, and i do not want to lose this perfect person.

Answer 6

No. We may have gotten really mad and thought we might should have waited a few more years since reaching our goals had become much more difficult. The goals have taken longer, but we are being supportive of each other. We seem to have to be apart in order to get the goals done, so that's why we almost figure we should have just waited even more(we knew each other 5 years, young ages). Just gotta have lots of patience and hear each other's point of view. He sometimes gets really mad when I keep pushing something and has to leave for the moment to cool off. Things are better when he gets back. I just have to allow him to cool down, but then he must remember to 'work with me' when he gets back. We never got so angry to the point of divorce. We really love each other and know we have to work it out, just up in our face annoying at the time. We barley if at all even remember what we argued about days or week later. So, just need to work together. Remember you love this person and they love you. You are each other's side, and not supposed to be against them. So, stop fighting and get back on each other's side. The world has too many things to worry about, so team up and not be against each other. We also trust one another, so affair/adultry is not an issue. It when you watch too much TV or crap that keeps talking about it that you bein to worry about the strength of your marriage. Hope some of this helped.

Answer 7

No unfaithfulness but to get through the good and the bad times we have had to have open communication. Sometimes it hurts to hear the truth but you have to take it as constructive criticism. It also helps to think back to how happy you were when you got married or shortly before you did. If you were that happy then you can still be that happy with your spouse. You just have to routinely work on the relationship. Also setting aside one day every week to talk about what's going on and what you can do to improve your marriage is key I think.

Answer 8

I'm almost 30, divorced with 2 children. Of course there were signs. Major changes in behavior is a huge sign. Lack of interest in sex can be another. Secrecy, loss communitcation, testy and alot of times a cheater will accuse the innocent of what they, themselves are guilty of.

My situation was a bit different because drugs were a huge factor. Hard to have a relationship with someone who's about the high, not the family.

If you can make it work, do. But if the situation is unhealthy, sometimes Divorce can be a good thing. I know it was in my case. My ex eventually sobered and we are able to be friendly and communicate on behalf of our children.

Answer 9

Sometimes you stay out of love. Sometimes sheer stubbornness. Maybe you don't want to fail again. (My second marriage) When I want to leave I try to remember what was so great about being single and was I happier then or now. Most always I can say I am happier with this man then not. I think most people look at marriage as a "stay till you are not happy anymore" kind of thing. I look at it as a commitment and promise I made to him, myself and God. I remember that I said for better or worse, and you have to really mean it and be strong to actually stay thru the worst. I have wanted to leave and most times what kept me here was the sheer determination to make this work. If you don't have that in you for this other person, you need to look at whether this is the person you want to be tied to permanently.
There were signs in my first and failed marriage. We stopped talking and we never fought anymore because nothing was worth it anymore to him. He wanted out and as his third wife I should have known he was not a guy who kept his commitments. I would probably be with him still if he had not left me and our 3 year old son. I am not the leaving kind I guess. When I make a promise I keep it. I don't lie and I don't cheat so even when he did those things I stayed. I thought counseling would save our marriage but he was not interested. He wanted out and so he left. I am better off for it,but I probably would not have left my marriage.

Answer 10

Bottom line.. Communication is the key to a healthy marriage. There is no perfect relationship. When you have a problem, you should always sit down in a comfortable setting and talk it out. No yelling, just talking until your both under a mutual understanding. Trust also comes with communication and along with that respect for your husband/wife. My husband and I are 21 and have happily made it through out first year!