I have NO urge to make LOVE to my husband or at all for that matter?

Question

Ever since my son was born 2 years ago I have no thoughts or feelings to want to make love , but I love my husband oh so dearly ! He says that I must not love him because I dont give him any attention, not even hug or kiss that much cause it leads to a fight because he starts making moves and I shut him down because Im just so tired. I work full time with a 7 and 2 yr old , and my 2 yr stil wakes at night therefore I havent had a full nights sleep in 2 years , my husband tries to help [once every 2 to 3 weeks maybe] but I still wake up like clock work...and the only thing running through my head is getting through the day so I can get to bed ... Please help .Hes so mad at me and I truly think hes getting ready to leave me , and I dont want that to happen at all , What is wrong with me , why dont I want to make love anymore??????!!! Thanks for at least reading even if you cant answer ...Have a great DAY:}

Answer 1

I caught that you said "ever since your son was born", which leads me to wonder if it might be a hormone problem. That may very well be it...but the thing that concerns me most is the fact that you are running on sooo little sleep and he is only helping you once every 2 to 3 weeks. That's just not right!

If he is wanting to be close to you that bad, then why isn't he doing more to help you so you won't lose so much sleep. Then, you might be much more in the mood, ya know? I believe you that you love your husband dearly, but wouldn't you be a whole lot more attracted to him if he were helping you out a little more?

I guess my thought here is that you probably have hormonal things going on which makes you not care to much about the "physical"part of intimacy. PLUS, you have a husband who is blaming YOU for him not being with you enough...AND he is wanting you to still get up with the 2 yr old for the most part. I suspect this makes you not care to much about the "emotional" part of intimacy.

My advice? It's time to get angry. You are being too hard on yourself and are getting pressured from him...and putting on added pressure on yourself to be with him. You are putting a lot of emphasis on why you don't want to make love with him. This is where I say you need to just allow yourself to be angry and tell him point blank...that you know what is needs are and it bothers you every day, but you also know what your needs are...and that involves more help around the house and with the 2 yr old. You may have to give him specifics..say, can you get up with him every other night? Also, can you put away the dishes on the nights when you aren't having to watch him? Tell him that if he starts helping, it may help your desire a whole lot more. I truly believe it will.

I know you love him, but I say shame on him for even thinking about leaving when you are going through such a rough time with the little one. I remember those days. I have a daughter that is 15 and a son that is 8....and I remember how hard it is to take care of a little one. It really, really zaps the energy.

I hope this helps. I just think he isn't thinking enough of you and your needs. Here you are all worried that he might leave you, and all he is worried about is not getting what he wants physically. Good luck to you. Hope things work out okay.

I am not saying that his needs aren't important...just that he needs to be thinking about you too. Wanted to make sure that was clear. I understand that he wants more hugging and all. I just wonder if subconsciously you might really resent the fact that he isn't helping out enough around the house. Just thought I had better clear this up. Once again, good luck.

Answer 2

The very first thing that you need to do is to go see a doctor and have that hormone level checked. Could be such a thing as a simple injection process. Next from the sounds of it, you need a little down time as you are over stressed. Is daycare a possibility? How about a babysitter? Take 1-2 days a week off for the reason of relaxation. Things should get better for you after a while. Once however, you do everything that can be done and you still want nothing to do with your husband? I would question your relationship as I'm sure that it very well could end badly for you. You do know that at one time this was considered a very real reason for divorce? It's just naturally something expected within a marriage. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

It sounds like depression and stress to me. You should check with your doctor. Sometimes your hormones don't go back to the way they were, and sometimes there is something they can do about it.

It also sounds like you are tired. Set up an evening once a week for your husband to take the kids out of the house (and every other saturday) and just spend time by yourself. Take a nap. Clean an area you don't get to when people are around. Read a book. whatever you need to make it work.

Also, sometimes making love is its own aphrodesiac. If you can get someone else (mom or his mom or a friend) to take the kids once a week or month, this may help out too.

Answer 4

Honey, first, emergency intervention.. can you call in sick one day (hubby too) take the kids wherever they usually go or call a babysitter and just spend a day relaxing, loving, and laughing.. without the couple, the family falls apart... dress up, and go out on the town for the day to do something fun, or stay home, lay in bed, hand the hubby a bottle of lotion and just relax.. rent 9 1/2 weeks the uncensored version.. and watch together - not porn, but don't know how any woman can not feel frisky after watching that... (or man for that matter)..

Then, take a night once a week for just the two of you.. don't feel pressured to have sex, but intimacy.. hold hands, take a walk, lay on a blanket in the backyard after the kids have gone to sleep..

and tell that husband of yours to help out more at home so you won't be too tired to "love" him..

Answer 5

I think that you should try sitting down and talking about how you feel. Suggest maybe a essay question about your relationship every other night and write a letter to each other answering that question. Try weekend dates, even if its just for one night take the kids to a sisters or mothers house someone you can rely on to make sure your kids will be safe, then just go out on a date and relax and enjoy your peaceful night together. Maybe plan some games for the night....good luck

Answer 6

Is it possible for you to get away for a night or 2?
Speak to your husband about how you are feeling and that you are just too tired and that foreplay takes all day. Ask him to help out a bit more, maybe freeing you up for an hour to yourself. He says he thinks you don't love him, that is like you saying "You don't love me cos I need help"
I have found the more my husband helps around the house the more I want to be with him.

Answer 7

Explain to your husband that you are always so tired and you would feel like having sex more often if he would lend a hand with the children and let you have some down time.

let him take care of the kids while you go pamper yourself....shop for new clothes, get a manicure, etc.

If you can wake up like clock work for your children, then you can wake up for a few minutes to give your husband the attention he needs.

Answer 8

Try seeing your doctor. You said this started up right after your son was born. Chances are it's just a hormonal imbalance that has caused your sex drive to plummet. And really, for your husband's sake, even if you don't feel like making love, try to...and do him and yourself a favor by seeing a doctor. Maybe it's something a daily little pill would completely take care of!:) Good luck:)

Answer 9

what you need to do is tell your husband exactly the same thing you wrote on here. then you need to find someone who will watch your kids for a day or two and you and hubby go to a hotel and take a few days off. whey you go back home then make sure you and hubby set at least one night every couple of weeks alone without the kids. even moms need a break once in a while!!!

Answer 10

Well he needs to understand that you do love him and with 2 children and a house I know how hard and how tired you get I have 5 children.But I had that problem too.I was depressed and had no idea that I had post pardon depression and yes it can last for years and you never even know it.Just take some time for you and see a doc and ask him to give you some time.Take care.