What do u do if you are desperate to start a family (so much so that you cry to yourself about it everyday) but your partner isnt ready & has no idea when he will be. Do u stay or do u leave? This is very important to be so please only serious answers. Thanks.
2007-07-20 12:25:37 · 8 answers · asked by Gilly Bean 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
also we have been together for 6 years a long 6 years and we lost twin girls Feb 28, 2006.
2007-07-20 12:36:06 · update #1
he claims that he does what a family w/ me one day but doesnt know when and that our loss has nothing to do with y he isnt ready.
He say that he wants to finish some of this job training first and I completely understand that and am willing to wait but he than tell me that when he is done with that there is still the chance that he wont be ready.
2007-07-20 13:18:18 · update #2
You and he are not on the same level. The question is, are you patient enough to wait for him to be ready? What if he is never ready? Did you go into this relationship knowing this?
If I wanted children and my husband told me yes before we got married, then said no after we were married, that would constitute fraud. But if he was up front with you, then you are in a bind and have some thinking to do. Sometimes people grow in different ways, he may be going a different direction then you. Then that can make you no longer compatible.
If you feel he has committed fraud, leave him. If he tells you he never wants kids, then you have to seriously consider finding a partner that wants the same things as you. You could end up resenting this guy if you stay with him.
It's tough to know if you should leave him when he says "I dunno". If he cares enough for you, he should be able to give you some sort of idea when you can have children.
2007-07-20 12:44:59 · answer #1 · answered by Jennifer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you have the answer to this question. It is my opinion that you are both still grieving the loss of your twins. Your wanting to start a family is quite a normal reaction to try and fill the void inside you from losing your twins. Your partner's reaction is also quite normal. He cannot answer your question because he genuinely does not know when he will be ready to start a family. It is possible he does not want to start a family because he does not want to risk losing another child/ren.
When we experience the loss of a child/ren we lose our hopes and dreams with them as well and the pain of this loss never really goes away. You were both meant to be busy with raising two children instead you both have an 'empty' nest.
Have you both considered or had grief and loss counselling with regards to the loss of your twins? There are support groups you can contact who can help you as well. You are both grieving the same loss in different ways and need to talk with each other about it. If he does not want to go to counselling, or support group you can still go.
I am sorry for both of you and it is not unusual for couples to break up after the loss of a child/ren. Try counselling/support group first so you can make a sound decision that you will not regret later.
2007-07-20 20:06:04 · answer #2 · answered by sag_kat2chat 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your only reason for staying is to start a family, then leave.
However, unhealthy relationships are seldom just one problem, maybe get some help.
Help yourself by removing the desperation factor.
Desperation for one feels like a trap or ticking time
bomb to another.
Not a good start for a family situation.
2007-07-20 19:59:15 · answer #3 · answered by Randy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If having a family means that much to you, then you need to weigh the pros's and con's of staying or leaving. But if he only thinks of what he wants , Do you really want to be in a relationship with person.And if you try and talk them into it, and they aren't ready , Would they make a good parent ? Good Luck
2007-07-20 19:50:24 · answer #4 · answered by Joan f 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
maybe he is afraid. If it is really that important to you , then you need to be with someone who will have the same desire as you. if you talk to your man you'll probably find he just needs more time to get over the loss. I am so sorry. I don't know how people ever get over that.good luck
2007-07-20 19:44:58 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yoy leave and find someone and create a positive home enviroment then have a child
2007-07-20 19:28:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Find another partner that is not so selfish. Selfless people are out there.
2007-07-20 19:32:59 · answer #7 · answered by box of rain 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stay with him
2007-07-20 19:53:44 · answer #8 · answered by maymay 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋