Perfect city in body , not your mind. Care to interpret?

Question

As the room turns dark
Stars losing its spark
Dreams begin to decade
Slowly they too begin to fade
Surroundings not withstanding
They too are fading
People are quickly forgotten
From a bright world they have come
Into a void they have gone
Hatreds are brewed
Discontent is abound
All the care in the world
Has gone aground
Confusion is abundant
But answers are redundant
Here he stood
Looking from the outside
At the inside
What has gone wrong
In this terrible room
Knowing Joy and laughter
Peace and tranquility
How can this be a possibility
Yet seeing this monstrosity
He wondered
How can this room have existed
In his perfect city


My second practice poem. Depends on how you look at it: someone losing so much they don’t see themselves anymore.

Answer 1

Here's a word for you: Malapropism...your poem is full of them. Neither dreams, nor anything else for that matter, "decades"...
they "decay". Same goes for "discontent is abound". Wrong words used. Edit to correct.

The rhymed words are "okay", but they need to fit and it would help if there were a pattern to the meter. As it stands, it's herky-jerky and doesn't seem to flow.

You seem to have a good ear, have someone read this to you out loud so you can hear how people read it and hear it in their minds when "they" read it. Don't correct the reader, just listen and you'll hear the hard spots. It's much easier to fix that way. You may also think of other words as your brain tries to fill the next word with one of its own.

It's not bad, but you could make it a lot better with a little work.

keep writing.

Answer 2

first of all, particular I believe the Bible, i know honestly interior. God is actual omnipresence. God has allowed me to renowned that i'm reincarnated. My brother became pals with my "spirit" formerly I have been born. i'm able to thoroughly believe eternal life. it is not a concept, in simple terms like God isn't a concept. area of me does not die.Technically i did not stay formerly, yet area of me did. That area of me is eternal, that area is of area of God. Like I mentioned, God is actual omnipresence. As I see it, a individual's life is made out of three issues in life. A physique, a techniques, and a soul. The techniques is the culmination of the physique and the soul. character is a factor of the techniques. Soul or spirit are synonymous. The Bible refers to it because of the fact the Holy spirit of God. the only sin which could by no ability be forgiven is blasphemy of the Holy Spirit. This i know ok. God is actual omnipresence. physique is the flesh. it relatively is importance is to help the techniques and spirit in life. If my spirit presented himself to my brother, which area do you think of is maximum considered necessary? Which area is eternal? how are you able to nurture that eternal area of your self? If the spirit can bear in mind his previous,does not the techniques carry importance for how forward for the spirit? people will probable thumbs down this. regardless of the undeniable fact that, it won't be able to alter my fact.

Answer 3

Wow, Thats really good. And it has so much meaning it can be interpreted in so many ways. I cant even begin to think. When you know poetry like that you don't need to practice.

Answer 4

"Stars losing its spark as the room turns dark"
hhm is it about murder? someother person died that was close to this poetic character?
interesting, and thoughtful.

Answer 5

Anymore? are you kidding? that sound so greats!