I love her more then anything and we have a 3 yr old son. She knows how much it hurts me, I can't function at work or at home. we have a good life, she stays home with our son, and I have never told her she can't do anything. Our biggest problem is we have had trouble comunicating in the past. I am trying to change, and I believe I have. and I want to go to counceling. any help or Ideas would be great. again she is my world.
2007-07-20 11:03:32 · 12 answers · asked by json 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
IIIIIII'VE BECOME SO NUMB I CANT FEEL YOU THERE.....................
2007-07-20 11:17:00 · answer #1 · answered by Alex B 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
A few suggestions....
First, counseling with a good one does wonders.... she probably is a bit overwhelmed with a child, and is distracted... happens... mother nature makes sure of it.... Eons ago, if she were to get pregnant again before the child was 4 or 5, (able to keep up with the clan by itself) it would be unlikely that either of them would have survived... 2 million years and today, that isn't the case, but agricultural civilization and settled communities have only been around 5000 yrs or so.... so, again try counseling.
Then there is a book you both ought to read... For Each Other by Lonnie Barbach, THE sex therapist in the country today. Now, sweetie, it for sure in unlikely she's much interested in sex... lots of women aren't after a child, and often for a long time afterward -- kids are draining.... but you said you have changed, and are better at communicating. Get this book, cheap anywhere in paperback, yours by Tues from Amazon.
As for communication, try another book... The Assertive Option... an old one, (1980's or so) but the classic and still used in counseling classes today. Some of the examples are outdated, but it gives you hints on how to begin a conversation and how to get your concerns out there without trouncing on the others' ego. It gives you language patterns that are not insulting nor threatening...
2007-07-20 18:20:40 · answer #2 · answered by April 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe it's because her life is revolved around you and your son. I know that some woman feel like they lose their identity when they become a housewife and a stay-at-home mom. Talk to her and see if she'll consider counsiling. Then maybe she could start doing something outside of the home so she can do something that doesn't revolve around the family. I know it seems strange from a man's point of view, but woman need to be social outside the home and some woman start to resent their husband. Many men think because she's at home all day that she has the best life, but it really isn't as easy and fun as you might think. Start with the counsiling and then work on this. Good luck hun!
2007-07-20 18:19:08 · answer #3 · answered by Missy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason that she is "numb" is because she is resentful and has put a wall up to avoid any further emotions. This happens in a marriage, I have gone through it. When you communicate, you have to take a step back from the individual moment, and not react to what she is saying to you. If she says for example, " You never listen to what I am saying." Do not counter-react with ..."well you..." tell her to give you an example, find out why she feels the way she does, ask her what she recommends you do.....Do not try to control the situation, work as a team, maybe take a mini-vacation and have a family member watch the little one.
Seeing a counselor is a great idea. A mediator helps things out. Do not try to push the fix of the marriage, that adds more pressure, let nature take its course again. You can not fix the past, just try to rebuild with what you have and hopefully it will only get better.
Somethings you might want to do is bring home dinner so she doesn't have to cook, get her a gift certificate for a spa day and have a babysitter lined up for her, pamper her a little bit so she can relax and unwind from watching your son and she can focus on trying to figure out her own emotions. As a mother, sometimes you get so caught up in taking care of the emotions and well-being of your child, yours gets pushed aside so much that it gets buried. Does that make since?
Go out as a family once a week, whether it is to a movie, lunch, the park, those types of family places.
Then at least twice a month for a date night for you two.
Also, what is your wife interested in? Does she want to go back to work? Does she want to take classes towards a degree? it sounds to me like maybe she needs something in her life to spark her. She needs a title other than mommy and wife. Does she like art, photography or something that she can learn?Maybe she could enroll in a class that meets once aweek, just for her to get out and do something for herself. Yoga? Aerobics? a Gym?
Also, do things for you too, go out once a month with the guys, have a card night, invite mutual friends over for a couples game night and have them bring their children too. Everyone bring snacks.
Read books, go fishing, camping.
This may take time, but this all combined might help bring some new positive energy to you and your family. It sounds like your wife needs more in your lives.
Good luck!
2007-07-20 18:21:07 · answer #4 · answered by Lissy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her this and then go get some counciling. If she will not go then you go. With a 3 year old son and a household to run she is probably more exhausted than anything else. She needs to go and get checked out by her doctor she sounds like she is fatigued or something. It very well could be a medical reason for her feelings. Good luck
2007-07-20 18:13:07 · answer #5 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Dear father, did you know that most women after birth go thru a type of depression, also giving birth the pain is for reals as us men will never stand it. It think it is a psychological thing in the brain, we experience that. It takes time, alot of special attention shoud be given to your wife, she will need alot of help and love, by doing chores around the house, helping with the child. They need a break to. Remember the mother that drove her car into the lake with her children inside the car.
2007-07-20 18:12:02 · answer #6 · answered by Herman L 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
I am in your situation but on the other side, I am the wife who is not in love with her husband anymore. When I think about leaving him I just cant because I feel that I really will miss him and I probably with fall in love with him again but he has to give me everything. I dont mean material things i mean every emotion. My husband gives me everything i want but I walk all over him and I think I crave the "bad boy" in him. Well I hope my insight helps you... you know spice it up ignore her, seduce her. good luck.
2007-07-20 18:12:48 · answer #7 · answered by lexi91114 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Women want to be with their equal not a "yes man".
Say "no" every now and again and she will respect and love you more.
Loving someone is accepting the good and bad in them.
By not letting you wife accept the bad, you are in fact not letting her love you.
No one wants to be married to Mr/Mrs. Perfect.
2007-07-20 18:56:11 · answer #8 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you said she stays home so I'm guessing she gets bored at home and chats online and possibly is having an emotional affair with some dude 3 states away from her that swears he is her knight in shining armour.make her get a job to occupy her time and go to counseling or simply dump her.
2007-07-20 18:15:08 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Go to counseling and work through this. You'll be glad you did! Maybe she feels like she isn't appreciated. Maybe she feels she isn't contributing because she doesn't work. There could be a number of reasons and a counselor can help you work through them by opening those lines of communication. Good luck!
2007-07-20 18:09:52 · answer #10 · answered by wondering 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
She is bored with a capital B.Let her get out and get a job she will feel like she is contributing.Could she be having a mid-life crisis?
I wish you luck.
2007-07-20 18:12:03 · answer #11 · answered by waterlover 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋