I have been happily married 16 yrs but 10 yrs ago i cheated on hubby it only happened 1 time never before that and it never happened again and never will..I told hubby the next day he forgave me and since that day we have never talked about it again but sometimes i think about it and feel so bad about what i did cause he is such a great guy and didnt deserve that..I know this is no excuse but back then our sex life wasnt that great and i felt unwanted now its a lot better..I would never cheat again cause i love hubby more then anything and would never hurt him like that again..How do forget this and forgive myself?
2007-07-20 11:02:05 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I dont wanna bring up the past to him cause i dont want him to remember the hurt.
2007-07-20 11:08:12 · update #1
I would talk to my husband. Find out how he was able to forgive you and tell him that you are still struggling with it. Then don't keep beating yourself up because he isn't doing it for you. Even if you don't mean to I'm sure you might be slightly distant from him as a result. Just remember that you were given another chance and to relish it not take it for granted.
2007-07-20 11:06:48 · answer #1 · answered by indydst8 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hi, I am on the other side. My husband of 16 years cheated on me 1 x sexually and 1 x an emotional affair. It's been 6 months since he told me and he's been fighting for us to sell our home and for ME to file for a separation. He says he cannot ever forgive himself for cheating on me and can not look at me in the face ever again. We have two kids that are 10 yo. I have forgiven him and want him to work our problems out but he refuses saying we must separate. I just don't understand. I can only believe he doesn't really love me if he doesn't want to work things out and would rather just sell and separate. I am really having a hard time accepting his decision. I just want your perspective from those on the other side that cheated and could not stay with their spouse.
2014-06-22 12:18:31 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Stop dwelling on the past.
Every choice you made was what you thought was the best at the time, even the affair. I assume the since you have been together for so long that it was in fact a wake up call to work on your marriage more. So try to see how thing are now and not the past.
2007-07-20 12:00:52 · answer #3 · answered by snack_daddy10 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you still beating yourself up for something that happened a long time ago, and your husband forgave you?
Let it go, we all make mistakes. You learned from it and that is all that matters. You marriage is even better now.....start looking at the positive things.
When you get tired enough of beating yourself up over something you can never change....you'll let it stay in the past.
2007-07-20 16:50:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband forgave you and you must do the same for yourself. . It sounds like you are having a big problem letting it go. You have never done it since and that's great. Its time now to leave it in the past and move on. You might want to seek out a therapist to help you let go of the guilt and to forgive yourself. It might help a lot.
2007-07-20 11:09:47 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
you know, i'm kinda in a situation like you were in the past, our sex life is not the best, but for whatever reason, i know that i wont and will never cheat for sex, the guilt is just too much. it may be hard to fully forgive yourself but be aware that it will never happen again and forget about it, it should be your husband who cant get over it, but if he can then you should too. thinking about it, you cant really do anything anymore.
2007-07-20 12:09:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
one day at a time .thats all you can do,is live one day at a time.it will never go away ,it will always be something you remember.in a way its better to not forget,that way you will remember the hurt you caused and it will be your reminder if you ever even feel tempted as to why you wont take it one step future.just remind your self every day that you know today will be better than yesterday,it will keep you and your relationship stronger.isnt it funny when something good happens ,sometimes we forget ,but when something bad happens we can remember every detail of it.
2007-07-20 14:06:43 · answer #7 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to understand, if he has forgiven you, then do so yourself as well. There is no good in lingering in the past, if things have been solved, you were honest and he forgave you, then count your blessings and close that chapter once and for all. Don't risk a marriage over something that has been buried in the past by the party most affected.
Go to counseling if you can't deal with it, chances are you got more issues than you realize.
2007-07-20 11:08:38 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 1⤋
The only thing real about the past is what you keep alive. Let it go. If you cannot.... get some help from a therapist. You and your husband both deserve better than your guilt.
2007-07-20 11:33:26 · answer #9 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I assure you he has not forgotten.No man would just forget if his wife cheated and came clean about it.He should have drilled you with questions back then instead of just putting it in the back of his mind.He should have ran you for tests to see what kind of nasty std's you could have came up with.You should kiss this mans @$$ everyday for not putting you to the curb where trash belongs.You should feel guilty about what you did.
2007-07-20 11:20:54 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋