I am a mom of 4 kids..age 2, 18, 24 and 25. My husband stays at work long hours. When he gets home, he takes a shower and goes to bed. I sleep in a recliner frequently because of his snoaring. There has been no intimacy between us in over a year. He has gained a lot of weight so it might be a physical problem. But I still miss the affection. On our wedding anniversary a few weeks ago, I mentioned how much has happened..and looked to the future. He seems to think he will be dead in a few years. He is older that both his brother and father when they died. He is only 45. He says genetics is the most important thing and will not diet. He says he is going to enjoy food with the time he has left. My 18 year old also has a weight problem and I am trying desperately to prepare healthy low fat, and low calorie good foods. I am exhausted from taking care of a 2 year old. My father is elderly and I clean his house weekly. I have lots of friends ...but something is missing. Suggestions??
2007-07-20 10:52:39 · 15 answers · asked by rcpaden 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am not a cheater. I am a Jew and have a very close relationship with God. I have entered into counseling with a very close friend of mine that is Christian. We are able to respect each others religious differences. Cheating I feel would add to the problems...not help them.
2007-07-20 11:03:13 · update #1
And we had 4 miscarriages between the 18 year old and the 2 year old. This is my 2nd husband. The 18 year old and the two year old are his. We have been married 19 years. And its not so much sex I crave(but that would be nice) but romance, love, intimacy or affection. I get a quick kiss before he goes to work each day and that is the most affection I get.
2007-07-20 11:06:37 · update #2
The reason I mentioned being a Jew, was because someone asked if I had a relationship with God. So I responded and mentioned being Jewish so I wouldn't get a bunch of Christian scripture. I mean to be respectful to Christians, but I am not one. I am just hoping for ideas to help me with this situation. I am not a cheater. That won't solve anything.
2007-07-20 11:40:41 · update #3
ok first about your husband he needs to understand that his decision is not only affecting him but you and the kids and you need him to be around as long as possible just because he has experienced personal tragedy within his family does not mean he is going to die early what you are doing with the healthy food and cooking is great, keep t up, for your sex life try putting on sexy lingerie or just go and go for it if you no what i mean hopefully he won't resist you, also try finding a moms club then you can meet and talk to other moms, that might help you, if all fails tell him you need some time alone to figure out if you want to stay with him, maybe try counseling and also for the weight problem go for walks or take your children to the park and play with them, i hope this helps, good luck
2007-07-20 12:24:44 · answer #1 · answered by happygirl31 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have been married for 28 years and have a 26 year old son .My husband works long hours and when he gets home he eats in front of the TV. After he goes in the bedroom and closes the door and is out of it between 9-10 pm. I sleep in a recliner too because of his snoring. If you look at my 360 Page you will see i wrote (are there any other lonely house wives out there) You see you are not alone there are a lot of us here. At our age we should be relaxing with our husbands having fun,going out together just enjoying each other. That's what your miss and don't have. I have to hand it to you i don't no how you can keep up with a two year old. About the sex maybe your husband is afraid you might get pregnant again .
2007-07-20 12:06:13 · answer #2 · answered by Teenie 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
DO YOU KNOW WHATS MISSING? your time- time for you to pamper yourself- hey, your missing motivation- start taking a long bubble bath, soft instrumental music, then go do some walking- exercise makes you sexy and feeling sexy gets you some honey ;-) - you know.
If you really love that man you have to do something to change what you have now- because you'll become old and lonely and will regret not having done something when you had the chance.
Good luck- and go after what you want!! :-) PD- Use your kids(18, 24 and 25) to help you with the 2 year old.
2007-07-20 11:09:56 · answer #3 · answered by Taz 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would read the women are from venus men are from mars book cause there is stuff in there that you can do yourself that doesn't involve him but will change his attitude. Then after you read that there is even a sex and intimacy book that is really good too...The website is kind of good as well it has a romance planner http://www.marsvenus.com/ Word of caution....If his hours have changed in the last year, his intimacy level, and habbits have changed make sure he isn't seeing someone else...Although I would doubt it if he has gained weight cause usually when men are cheating they get this high and start doing the opposit you know working out, tanning dressing different etc...Just read that book it helped me alot....Good luck to you!
2007-07-20 11:01:07 · answer #4 · answered by Knock Knock 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel badly for you. I was in a marriage similar to the one you describe. He refused to go to counseling and just didn't hear me when I tried to talk to him about how unhappy I was. Your husband has basically abandoned you emotionally and intimately and it's time to do something about it. Unless you want to go through the rest of your life miserable. Separation is a start and maybe even divorce eventually. Why don't you check into a life enrichment seminar where you can both go at the same time?
2007-07-20 11:11:14 · answer #5 · answered by Maggie May 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it seems like your in a rut and you need to get out of it i would suggest telling your husband how you feel put the baby with a sitter and take a couple days to your self a weekend trip to the spa if your husband doesn't change stop by your local xxx bookstore and pick you up a friend that will make you happy and don't talk back
2007-07-20 10:59:54 · answer #6 · answered by CHARLES F 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are already there sorry to say. Sounds like your husband has given up on himself too.
Would he even care if you said you were leaving him ? most of your kids are older so you have a support system there.
I think you need to look towards your own happyness and start the process of moving fwd for what is best for you.
2007-07-20 11:08:10 · answer #7 · answered by unpublished critic 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him fine, if that's the way he wants to live the rest of life then make damn sure your name is listed as the beneficiary on the life insurance policy as you have plans to live a long normal life and you're not going to sit around feeling sorry for yourself.
2007-07-20 10:57:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
have a spa day drop the kid off at a daycare go shopping pick up hobby scarpbooking,needlepoint etc..but find something for u to do just for u.
2007-07-20 11:11:37 · answer #9 · answered by dlrswalsh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue doing what you have been doing. It's not such a bad life. Eat less. Get some new hobbies.
2007-07-20 15:16:31 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋