I need marital help!!!?

Question

Ok, here it is, I have been married for 5long years, and we have three kids together. Sheis always accusing me of cheating on her, shetold me today that she cheated on me, howdo i know??? was she saying it bcuz she is mad?? Howcan i findout? I havenever cheated on her nore have i ever wanted to. ButI'm scared ofdivorce, what aboutmy kids? Whogets them??I want them!! They are mine! What do I do?? [e-mail]

sorry about all of the spelling and a few spaces missing where needed, my space bar is messed up on my computer and I was running late for work. And by the way, I'm not in third grade, I am in fact in college for medical. Secondly, I want to thank you all for you wonderful answers and taking the time to help me out in my time of need, she did in fact tell me that she was just made and made it all up. I want to thank you all, it is very hard for me to pick a best answer, but i will do my best. Thanks everyone!! Jimmy

Answer 1

First off, 5 years is not long. You both need to sit, talk and decide what you want to do from this point on. If there is no way of saving your marriage, then divorce it must be. You can file for joint custody. It can be a long haul for dads as traditionally custody is given to the mother with the dad getting visitation. The children are the responsibility of both of you. No one parent deserves them more than the other. If you go through divorce, when dealing with the children, put aside your anger for each other and work out a plan that takes care of your children in the best way you can. Your kids did not ask for you two to mess up your marriage. Don't make them pawns.

Answer 2

You need to have a serious talk, first about why she thinks you're cheating on her. Even if it sounds ridiculous, don't make fun of her feelings, or downplay them in any way. If she says she thinks that b/c you answer the phone, and don't tell her who it is, it may sound silly to you, but it's real to her, so volunteer who you're talking to in the future, etc.
Once you have some resolve in the area of her accusations, she'll prolly be more willing to tell you the truth about an affair or not. She may have said it b/c she was mad, or wanted to appear less hurt than she was, or to make you mad enough to talk about yours.
However, if she did, know that, w/ some help, you can work through that as well. This is the point I'd highly recommend a counselor. I'm not hearing her perspective, but if you're both willing, you can make marriage work.
This initial conversation should be when you're both calm, not agitated, and don't rush. Don't get engaged in an argument....let her air her grievances....

Answer 3

Marriage, under the best of circumstances is tough work.But I was taken aback by your description as "5 long years". It suggests that your marriage has not been a very happy one or has been very rocky.This may seem to indicate that your wife was speaking the truth and has in fact been unfaithful to you.Since you say you don't want a divorce, it would appear that your only other alternative is to try to resolve the problems in your marriage ;perhaps with some professional help.All of this assumes that your wife regrets the "mistake" and wants to keep your marriage going and is willing to go for help as well. If not ,then you will have no choice but to speak to an attorney about divorce and child custody issues.Laws vary from state to state so don't hesitate to seek legal advice to protect your interests.My best wishes are with you during this difficult time in your life.

Answer 4

Do you two spend time alone together? Do you actually communicate with her? Women are funny, we need to be told that we are loved. We need to talk about our problems and feel like our partners are not only listening, but care what we have to say. When we don't feel we are connecting with our spouse, we sometimes have doubts. Did you tell her you have never wanted to be with someone else, that she was the only woman for you?

As far as her cheating, when she is not mad, sit down with her and have a heart to heart and tell her you want your marriage to work and your family to stay together. Communication is the key. If you are not getting what you need from her, talk to her, not with accusations, but to share. Ask her what you can do to make her more secure in the marraige. If you cannot communicate with her, your marriage will crumble.

Answer 5

Oh wow! Calm down!!!
Have you ever given her any reason to not trust you or back up her accusations? Talk to her, and ask if she really did cheat or is making it up, because that's a very serious thing to lie about. As for the kids, that's great you feel that way about the kids, but that will be decided on by the court system.

Calm down and the two of you talk about what's going on.

Answer 6

You both need to go to a marriage counselor. You sound very inexperienced. If you divorce she will get the children unless you can prove she is an unfit mother. Which is hard to do. Make the best of your situation as divorce will be rather costly. If you are causing her to mistrust you stop it.

Answer 7

You have a confusing array of questions, both on this posting and the other item in your list......, so I don't know if this is a joke, or not, but if this is true, a session or two of counseling may help your marriage.... your each appear to have trust issues.... find out what's at the bottom....

Answer 8

Tell her if she did cheat, her problems are just beginning. Tell her she will find out that you have zero tolerance for this and she will find out how far you're willing to go to boot her out of your life.

Answer 9

She sounds very immature. You need to make an appointment with a counselor and demand that she go with you.

Answer 10

wow do ya think you could use spell check? I can only doubt your so called questions here because you type like you're in third grade.