Would you tell?

Question

Your a friend of this couple and you find out that one of them is cheating, would you tell the other one?

Answer 1

honestly...it wouldnt be any of my business so i wouldnt get into that mess.

Answer 2

This is a really difficult one. I would approach the cheater and tell then that you know (or have heard) that they are cheating. If you're not 100% sure, then approach it in a way that you give them a chance to explain themselves, ie don't make accusations straight away. You could say something like "I've heard some rumours that really concern me ..." so that they have the chance to explain.

If you're either dissatisfied with their explanation, or you're 100% sure that they are cheating, then I'd tell the cheater that you know that it's not really your business but as friends of them both, you're very concerned for the other party's feelings. Ask if the other person knows that they are cheating. Don't say it outright, but imply that if they don't tell the other person, that you'll feel compelled to.

But if the person either denies that they're cheating, or they don't want to tell, I'd think extremely carefully before telling the person being cheated on. If you find it hard to maintain a friendship in the light of your suspicion/knowledge, I think the best course is just to withdraw friendship.

I would find it extremely difficult to NOT tell, but many counsellors whose advice I trust, including Dr Phil, say you should never tell, so I'm going to have to side with them. Dr Phil's reasons are 1) it's not possible (or your role) to fix the world, 2) neither party will thank you and it's very unlikely you'll retain either party's friendship, ie they'll "shoot the messenger", and 3) you don't know how their relationship works, eg maybe they have an open marriage, or maybe they're having trouble and thinking of separating anyway, etc.

A tough one - good luck resolving it.

Answer 3

The old saying "don't kill the messenger" applies in real life here. The person being cheated on will eventually find out and will need you at that time as a friend. If you tell him/her now denial will most likely be the first thing to happen ("No way, he/she couldn't cheat on me"), next the cheater will be confronted and most likely smoothly talk his /her way out of it> Then your couple friends will have to make you the bad guy in order to continue their relationship-if one of them wasn't cheating then you must have a bad motive for stirring up the pot. By the time the whole truth comes out your relationship with both of them will be so strained, you won't be there to help either. This is a sad truth but one I have lived and I do understand why my friends didn't say anything. Have faith that it always comes out in the wash!

Answer 4

I would tell them, because if my friend found my boyfriend cheating on me I want to know from them or my boyfriend. Either way the person who was cheated on has a right to know what had happened.

But if you do tell them you have to be prepared for the possibility that you might lose a friend no matter what you say. In this situation there is no win win just the truth and unfortunately the truth hurts. But if your friends were true they wouldn't let their relationship problems come between your friendship.

I went through this before so I would know. My ex-boyfriend cheated on me with my friend's friend but she never told me. I found out later and of course dumped my boyfriend but what hurt the most was that my friend had known all along but just watched me go on thinking he was being faithful.

Answer 5

no way...this may cause you to lose both of them But if you are better friends with the one that is being cheated on then yeah go ahead. The other person sucks!

Answer 6

Absolutely not! When it's not your business - stay out of it!

Also - the person who is being cheated on probably already has an inkling.

Answer 7

No, I'd stay out of it. But I'd make it clear to the cheater that I find it unacceptable

Answer 8

If you are doing it for the right reasons and you have proof. It can end up back firing on you in either case.

Answer 9

if they are your good friends yes,think of it this way if the roles were reversed would you want your friend to tell you ,

Answer 10

immediately.if your friend finds out that you knew and didn't tell her you will no longer have a Friend