My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2 years now, and no matter how much I tell him, show him, even ask him to watch a special on HBO about making love is it so hard for him to actually slow down and make love to me?? I know he loves me and that is not the issue, its just that I would love for him to appreciate me and my body through touching rather then through just sex. I feel that it has no meaning when I ask him to make love to me, and then he does it at that moment. Why can't he just do it on his own accord?
2007-07-20 09:51:21 · 20 answers · asked by Advice25 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is 29 years of age
2007-07-20 09:54:53 · update #1
BECAUSE MEN DO NOT KNOW WHAT INTIMACY IS JUST WHAT SEX IS...THEY HAVE TO LEARN
2007-07-20 09:54:40 · answer #1 · answered by Amanda F 4 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Because some men are true "idiots"...They will go in the kitchen to make a quiche...and come back in 5 minutes with scrambled eggs. I don't have a clue why some men do not "get it" about love making. Take your time, and realize that it's not just stimulating whats between her legs....but stimulating whats between her ears. Romance and passion are just words to some men(and women). Mental maturity, is why some men just don't get it. There is nothing better than watching a woman who is in touch with her sexuality, just squirm all over the bed and fill the room with sounds of pleasure. It's a major turn on for women..(some) to please their men, and if a man(not a boy) learns how to "really" please a woman..."Damn" it's fantastic and love and passion will bloom like a botanic garden. Tell him it's not a race to the orgasm...lol...it's a journey...and a mix of lovemaking and pure raw rough sex can be just as enjoyable...Hang in there!
2007-07-20 10:03:39 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
Perhaps he thinks that you are trying to teach him something from these HBO specials about lovemaking. If he is still young, he may think of himself as a stud and believe that when he is with you that he is pleasing you and/or doing you a favour. As he ages and mellows the natural sensation of making love will become more of a natural instinct.
2007-07-20 09:57:18 · answer #3 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't be screwin your boyfriend in the first place. Didn't your mother tell you "Why buy the cow when he gets the milk for free?" Why would you expect him to romantically ravish your body, if you give it up without even a friggin ring?
He'll eventually want to screw you & treat you more and more like a cheap porn star, then cheat on you because he will get bored & want a new flavor of the month. Or you will get preggo, and you & your kid will live a ghetto life as a single mom or your "fetus" will be tossed in a planned parenthood dumpster.
2007-07-20 10:01:14 · answer #4 · answered by David S 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like he does not want to hear that he may need assistance in this department. Some guys may take it as a blow to his manhood. If you have talked to him about this before and have tried to slow things down, then it is up to him to fix things. Try approaching him from a standpoint of you wanting to enjoy sex with him just as much as he does but in order to make it more enjoyable for both of you he needs to slow down. I hope it works out
2007-07-20 09:59:21 · answer #5 · answered by sportsfanstl1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
because for men, sex is far more a physical act than an emotional one. so for men, the biggest concern is achieving maximum satisfaction, which can be achieved through stimulation of our penis in a set speed and motion.
it's going to be hard for him to slow down or to be more sensual rather than sexual because for men, we're not taught those things are important.
now he may never learn. but if you really want to give it a shot, you have to let him know just how important it is for him to have sex with you in different ways just not the way he does it. you're going to have to tell him why the sex is better if he can slow it down and focus on the sensual part of it. he may never get it, but you got to at least try. and if he doesn't change, then you have to either learn to deal with it or move on to someone else.
sounds harsh but some people just don't change. :/
2007-07-20 09:57:28 · answer #6 · answered by mrtcrownaffair 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is really, really simple... he doesn't enjoy it.
I think your best bet is to take turns... yes, unfortunately a relationship has to be that pragmatic sometimes.
Find out his wildest sexual desires and act on them... the ones that aren't relationship killers. Before you do, tell him that he has to do it YOUR way next time.
Be warned! I tried this and my wife NEVER reciprocated. She wants it her way and only her way... subsequently, we don't have sex anymore. I decided that even as a man, I don't have to do something I don't like exclusively.
For the record, she wants sex to be very emotional and although I enjoy sensual/emotional, it can be like syrup and I can only take so much... I could be happy with 65% her way and 35% my way, but she never follows through with even 5%. I need it to be raw and dirty in addition to sensual... a good variety of styles.
I am VERY good at sensual, but she just won't put the work into doing it my way. She never has the time, energy or creativity...
If he doesn't respond to this, get used to lousy sex or move on... trust me on this one... we have been married 22 years and the sex just sucks!
2007-07-20 10:05:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't have any advice I can just sympathize. I would love to have foreplay for a half hour or more then make love over and over again but my wife just wants to "get it over with" and skip the foreplay.
I think some people just don't care about the sensuality of sex.
2007-07-20 11:31:09 · answer #8 · answered by Zaferus 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's because you like to complain. you are complaining because he hops on does his business and gets off. you like it that way. if you didn't you wouldn't be having sex with him. remember all the "nice" guys that came along and you didn't give them the time of day. quit glorifying your body as a holy temple and realize it isn't to be worshipped. you are a female with a vagina, that's it, all females have one. you want him to see your sensual side, he doeasn't want to see that, it will make him realize you are a lust filled woman that likes sex and it isn't a chore. he doesn't want to see you aching to be taken. some guys believe that women don't enjoy sex and refuse to admit that you may have a burning down below that would make him feel unable to quench your desires. and the truth be known, at one point you did like the hard sex with him but something or someone has enlightened you that there is more. you didn't tell us that now did you? who was/is it? you sound like you are in the comparing mode and looking for an excuse to cheat on him.
2007-07-20 10:32:03 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Send him a copy of your question posted on this site !!!! If he is new to sex, maybe he gets so excited he can't help himself, or he listens to his uneducated friends too much that maybe tell him to impress a woman you really need to ROCK her world in bed by going hard and fast EVERYTIME. Tell him point blank that YOU would like to climax together with him at the same time, or as close to it as possible, and for that to happen, he needs to slow down, engauge in much more forplay, and so on. If you like your breast massaged, then nippled on/ or you enjoy clitoral or anal area teased, then rubbed or gently kissed or lightly sucked on/ or a gentle finger inserted into both openings and slowly rotated to build up pleasure/ or whatever, Tell him....We are not mind readers, but most of us are willing and even WANT to be a good lover. If after you explain your wants and needs to him and he attacks sex like he's operating a jack-hammer, find someone else who wants to take pleasure in GIVING it as well as receiving it. Most of us guys are just one woman who will tell us what they like or want away from being a good lover....Good Luck !!!!
2007-07-20 10:14:29 · answer #10 · answered by Lee B 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Do you masturbate in front of him? My husband absolutely loves this. Not only are you pleasing him but you are also showing him what turns you on. Hopefully, next time he will take the hint and know where to touch you.
2007-07-20 09:55:28 · answer #11 · answered by budgie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋