neighbors not talking to me - what to do?

Question

hi-my wife and I had really good relations with my neighbors-we went to eat with them weekly,then all of a sudden one day it stopped, and they haven't said anything to me since except to tell me they are busy-and they came over when the ambulance was here and took me to the hospital last year-my wife died June 18th a year ago.They came to the service and haven't said a word to me since.Even though they are busy I don't buy that is the reason. Obviously my wife's critical illness and health were a problem for them, and then her death, and me being a single man here alone it's just awkward, but they haven't even tried.I obviously can say nothing-but it's tearing me up inside and I'm getting more and more upset about it all the time. I have no idea why they wouldn't want to talk to me,and I have no idea what I may have done to offend them. I'm not a piece of garbage and I'm not a criminal and I hate being treated like one. It's just building and building inside me and I don't want to

lose my temper - I usually never get upset with anyone, but having a situation going on so long with no resolution is just very troubling for me. I'm not that great at letting bad situations go. I keep trying and trying to make them work. I feel terribly disrespected, and I think if I'm going to be treated like a criminal I should at least know what my crime is. I'm not a piece of filth, and I'm really getting sick of being treated this way.

if I could just talk things over it might make it a lot easier for me, but they aren't even comfortable saying hi to me or anything like that, and I have no idea what the problem is. no idea at all.
it's very troubling.

thank you

Answer 1

Regardless as to your social relationship, it sounds like these neighbors really weren't your close friends. Maybe they just liked your wife (and I'm not trying to be cruel or make you feel worse than you already do). It's hard to say why they are acting as they do, but you shouldn't allow their behavior to dictate how you feel about yourself. Don't blame yourself for their actions. Find other people and other activities to enjoy. Life is short, don't waste it obsessing about these neighbors.

Answer 2

Art, I don't claim to have all the answers for you, but I feel that the bitterness that you are feeling for being rejected the way you have been, has to be corrected before you can approach them to determine what has caused this dilemma. I am sure it is not easy for you by no means of the imagination. But what happened to you is not uncommon. When one of the spouses passes on, and leaves the husband by himself it leaves a void not only for the husband but also for couples that are friends. The reason for that is because as couples, you four had something in common. Now, pardon the expression, but you are a third leg, and they feel differently now. The commonalty that you had with them before is gone. I don't think you did a thing wrong it's just that the situation is different now. They don't know how to handle the change. I would really give it a last strong effort to reunite with your friends. Attempt to have a meeting with them, and discuss the matter. If they refuse to have a meeting with you, then I would give up on them. Seek out other friends or neighbors, that you have something in common with. There are widower clubs all over the place. I'm sure you can find the meetings places, and discover some new friends. Try not get so involved with the negativity. It overtakes your common sense. Move on with your life, and you will be much happier person, and have something to look forward to. Again, I will tell you, that you have done no wrong, people cope with losses differently. One never knows until the tragic incidnt takes place. Don't blame yourself, or feel guilty for what took place. I suggest that you stop and think about it, and stop letting it eat you up the way that it is. You are in control of your own actions, and thoughts, so move on and forget about it. Good Luck, I sure hope this helps you, and you change your way of thinking.

Answer 3

They are probably feeling really awkward since the death of your wife.
Honestly, it sounds like you need to forget about them. Find a support group and meet some friends that have experienced the same loss. Surround yourself with family and friends that really do care!

Answer 4

Maybe you could invite them to dinner? You should make the first move. Tell them how much you appreciated their help when you wife was ill. And you'd like to show that appreciation by making or buying them dinner.