Im 35 weeks along and my husband and I have been on and off. We are both young but have admitted that we are in love with each other and do love each other despite our back and forth relationship. Just last week when we got back together for the 1300th time..he was going to get a tatoo with the babies name and my name and telling me how much he loves me and wants things to work out. we had a fight and now we are broken up again and it seems to me like hes so distant...like he doesnt even care about me like that anymore...he acts like it doesnt bother him that we are broken up and that hes fine with it..hes acted like this the last time we broke up then wanted me back 3 weeks after. how can you be in love and then completely act like ur not? even though we broke up he still wants to be there for the baby but its weird to me how u can say and feel one way one week then the next week act like u dont even care about the person. I dont understand. Im trying to move on.just curious..
2007-07-20 09:38:38 · 19 answers · asked by REGINA p 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
you both are so involved with who is right and who is wrong...you both care way the hell too much about your wants and YOUR needs rather than the needs of the unborn child that will soon dictate your life whether (s)he wants it that way or not...nature happens and it has a way of showing us that we will be responsibile for every action we make..as well as those we DO NOT...
every fight revolves to some degree about both parties having the NEED to be right..and while men care about this...women get all emotionally charged and somehow they have a leg to stand on and leverage to put on their man if they don't get their way...many responses from many people show this...
look...you both can be wrong at the same time as well as both being right at the same time..and YOU BOTH need to pick your battles better, grow the hell up and remember that YOU got pregnant based on a joint consensual decision to GET MARRIED AND HAVE SEX..when you did that..all of the accountability and responsibility fell on both of your shoulders...so now you BOTH have this as a responsibility to take care of this child and your own SELFISH and self absorbed feelings MUST take a back burner when it comes to your children. YOU are about to have a family...with or without this guy of yours...you will have a family...
SUCCESS OUTSIDE THE HOME DOES NOT COMPENSATE FOR FAILURE WITHIN THE HOME!!!
YOU BOTH NEED TO DO 1 OF 2 THINGS...
GET YOUR ACT TOGETHER AND ACT LIKE PEOPLE WHO ARE MARRIED AND LOVE EACH OTHER...GET SOME COUNSELING AND ACTUALLY TRY TO BE SELFLESS AND SACRIFICE YOUR WANTS AND NEEDS FOR THE NEEDS OF YOUR CHILD,,(S)HE IS NOW YOUR GREATEST RESPONSIBILITY...YOUR WHOLE EXISTENCE WILL NOW REVOLVE AROUND THE SUCCESS AND POSITIVE UPBRINGING OF YOUR CHILD!
OR
LEAVE HIM...AND MOVE ON..HINDSIGHT IS ALWAYS 20/20...AND WHETHER YOU WERE RIGHT OR WRONG ABOUT LEAVING HIM..YOU WILL HAVE THAT TO DEAL WITH UNTIL YOU MEET A GUY WHO IS WILLING TO PICK UP YOUR BAGGAGE...EASIER SAID THAN DONE.
2007-07-20 10:00:13 · answer #1 · answered by juanes addicion 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, I hope the fights do not involve physical violence. Congratulations on the pregnancy!... a few more weeks to go.I think you should take it easy emotionally and not worry about so many things. If he wants to be there for the baby, it's ok.
If you are both still together, you could try marriage counselling and reading books about making marriage work. Marriage is not easy, and it's not like dating where you can decide to get up and walk away and see other people. Marriage is a commitment. You both took vows of - for better for worse. You should try and make it work, both of you. It not always sunshine... sometimes it rains and sometimes there are really bad storms - the ups and downs, you've got to take them both.
Believe me, I know it's not easy. I'm in my 2nd year of marriage, got married in my early 30s and I have had verbal fights with my husband, moved out, moved back in, wondered if he cared, told him he didn't care, felt he was cold and distant, told him 100times that I wanted a divorce, fallen out of love, fallen back in love .... the picture you've painted sounds familiar.
Now the way I see it, you've gotten into the "he loves me, he loves me not" pattern, and it does get tiring. You both need to learn to communicate with each other without being so emotional.
Men and women do think differently. Men are not as emotional as women are, at least I know my husband is not as emotional as I am. I also get more emotional when I'm pregnant, and I'm upset more often. My husband can't handle emotions so he walks away from the situation and comes back when he feels I would have calmed down. Doesn't mean he doesn't love me. Just means he shows it differently.
If he's not physically or emotionally abusive to you, then stay with him. Study him and get to understand him. When you do that, he too will learn to understand you. Marriage isn't always 50-50. Sometimes it's 90-10, with you giving 90% and receiving just 10%. And it's not about age or physical maturity. It's about emotional and spiritual maturity. You can't always want... you've got to give too. Give him love even when you feel he doesn't show love.
yes... I did tell my husband a few days ago that I wanted a divorce and laughed, like I was being ridiculous, and I was mad at him. But right now I'm still madly in love with him. ... Give it a try. Marriage takes a lot of work, but if you know you've got a good thing in him, you'll fight very hard to keep it.
2007-07-20 10:55:38 · answer #2 · answered by someonebeautiful 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A back and forth relationship isn't love, it's simply that neither one of you can grow up and move on. You don't want each other but you don't want anyone else to have each other. You're not trying to move on if you keep going back and forth. Ths relationship will never work out so simply end it. File for divorce/child support/custody/visitation and leave it at that.
2007-07-20 09:51:00 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a bunch of B.S.
What a horribly unstable situation. Why on earth would you put up with it?
He keeps playing this game because you keep taking him back. One of you needs to grow up and set some standards, if not for you, for the baby. You both sound very immature and inexperienced. I hope for the child's sake you can find stability - either together or (more likely) apart.
2007-07-20 09:43:02 · answer #4 · answered by Courtney 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to start thinking about what is healthy for the baby and this relationship is not healthy. It's not about you anymore sweety, when you become a mom you take a back seat to the child and do what is in their best interest at any cost.
2007-07-20 09:43:53 · answer #5 · answered by swtlilblonde31 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both are totally messed up. Stay away from each other. Your child is the important issue here. That baby doesn't need TWO parents that are emotionally immature and don't know what love is if it hit them upside the head.
2007-07-20 09:44:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you making this all about her when YOUR husband fukced someone else? He should do the right things by the baby he helped create. DNA testing at birth will resolve any doubts. You get to decide if this is the kind of man you want as a husband and father to your child.
2016-04-01 04:05:29 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You both sound young and immature. Just get it over and try to move on with the rest of your lives. Raise your baby the best that you can.
2007-07-20 09:43:51 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two are like a broken record. It's gotten old, and he's accustomed to it. What's it going to take for you to realize that the two of you just don't get along? And no, it's not love. It's more like neediness, or not wanting to be alone.
2007-07-20 09:43:09 · answer #9 · answered by ron-D 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not even know what to say, other than, too bad you chose to bring a baby into this mess.
Little, innocent kids do not need the chaos of your off & on relationship. The kid needs two parents who will be consistent with raising him/her.
2007-07-20 09:43:36 · answer #10 · answered by Daiquiri Dream 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋