What do you say to someone who has been cheated on?

Question

My Aunt, who has been married for about 25-30 years, recently discovered that her husband, my uncle, was having an affair. I don't see them too often, but i do love my aunt and want her to know I support her. we don't talk frequently and i only really see her on the holidays.

What i want to know if it's appropriate that i say (or email) something, and what should I say? DO you think she would even welcome me discussing it?

My mother (her sister) told me, it wasn't really gossip, but just matter of fact... I'm in my early 20's, she's in her late 50's

Answer 1

i wouldn't Say anything unless she brings it up in person. I you're not that close it could be offensive and saddening for her to explain it to people outside o her tight emotional circle. just a thought?

Answer 2

Her age dictates a need for discretion. Best not to be too personal or judgmental.
How did you find out? Did your Mom tell you?? If your aunt knows you know then you may say to her something along the lines of "I am so sorry about your difficulty with Uncle (Buck?). It was such a shock. Please if there is anything I can do to help, remember I am only a phone call away and I am thinking of you at this time.
love ______

However if she does NOT know that you know say nothing as she will think the entire planet knows and be mortified. In this case just make a noise like a giraffe.

Answer 3

This is tough. My gut instinct, is to let her come to you with it. I'm not saying to pretend it's not going on, but perhaps it'd be best just for you to call her (no email - not personal enough) and ask her if she'd like to have lunch or something sometime. Let her open up to you first, sometimes it's hard for people, especially people that are older than you, to confide in someone younger.
If the situation has already progressed to where they have parted ways, then acknowlege it. I'm assuming now they might still be hashing it out? Best of luck with this, I'm sorry for your aunt.

Answer 4

Unless she is the one who told you the information then I would say to keep quiet, it could be embarrasssing for her to have people know of this and she is probably hurting and humiliated as it is. If you don't see her that often adn feel you need to do something then I would send a letter to her and just tell her happy things.

Answer 5

Sorry Auntie but life sucks sometimes especially when it comes too men. Or you could offer to help hold him down while she surgically castrates him... By all means send her an e-mail supporting her..

Answer 6

Sometimes it's better that she doesn't know considering that they've been married for such a long time. Do you think everyone will be happier if they just don't know?

Answer 7

e mail her let her know u will be there for her just in case she might need someone to talk to. it means alot to people going through hurts to have someone who is there for them, who is willing to be a good non judgmental listener.

Answer 8

Simply tell her that if she needs a listening ear, then you will be available to hear her out anytime she is ready.

Answer 9

Unless she brings it up to you, you don't say a damn thing!!!! Its called tact, courtesy, respect.
Not everyone loves discussing their dirty laundry with everybody. Nor do they want everybody discussing their dirty laundry.

Answer 10

I wouldn't say anything to her. She most likely is already humiliated enough. If she wants to talk to you she will contact you.