Last year, hubby led me to think he was cheating. He stopped sleeping with me. I found used packs of ED meds?

Question

in his car along with cds with a girls name on them. He stayed out late and sometimes did return at all. He refused to go to counseling and denied everything. ( I wanted to leave but our finances are too tied up and our house won't sell. can't ruin my credit because I need it to help get a place when I leave.) He wanted to be intimate with me after aobut 8 months, I said not without protection and explained why, he just said ok and rolled over! It has been 11/2 years since we have been intimate. He is now comming home and says that he wants to work things out. Even when he is being nice, I hate to be around him. He has cheated in the past. I forgave him. He swears that he didn't cheat this time.
I am so sad, that it is hard to go on. I don't believe him. I can't leave, cause our house won't sell. I don't have concrete evidence like i did the first time. I would hate to leave on just circumstantial evidence. We have 4 kids.I am so sad and so angry. How can I feel better?

Answer 1

I would look at this in a slightly different light. It is possible that he is having medical problems, and was hoping that the ED meds would work. Rather than admit to you that he was having a problem (male pride means that we never want to admit that we are impotent), he tried to find a way to solve the problem. He may have been taking the drugs to see if he was able to become erect with self stimulation, before he tried ( and risked failure) with you.

He could have been staying out late to avoid having to admit to his problem! He would rather you think that he was cheating than have you think that he was "less of a man".

You have no proof that he was cheating, but you accuse him of it! when he did feel ready to take the risk of trying to make love to you, you told him that you did not trust him or his word, and would not unless he used protection. Rather than accept that, or tell you about his problems in the hope that you would believe him, he decided that he would rather not press the issue.

He could be having serious self esteem issues from the ED, and your accusations are not helping.You say you want to feel better. So does he. A man with ED usually feels like he is less of a man! Nothing is worse that to try and fail, in many men's view. Rather than fighting, he is choosing to withdraw. It is easier to not try than to be rejected!

Answer 2

If he shows no sign of stress or depression about your marriage and the fact that their has been no intimacy in over a year an a half then he is cheating. If he comes and goes without a care he is getting his needs met elsewhere. this is a man saying that no man is gonna go without for that long unless he physically cannot or he is suffering from an emotional set back or loss of a great love. Face up to your situation you have to make the choice I know its hard but ask yourself do I want to be happy or I'm I more concerned with my finances. you can get through the finances but soon your depression will affect you more and you have your kids who need a stable loving mom at there side. be happy for them if not for yourself because they too can sense the unhappiness between you and dad. kids are smart they know things are not right at a young age. Love yourself, you cannot control your partners actions but you can do something about how you allow him to treat you.

Answer 3

Stop making excuses and just leave the jerk. As long as your name is on the deed to the house he can't sell it or anything without your signature, He will be ordered to pay child support and the court will help with the division of property. Ther longer you stay the more you are showing your kids how to treat their future spouses... they do see wether you think so or not and they do learn.
You also deserve to be loved and have intimacy, you have to be scared and lonely...maybe even depressed. Take care of yourself first, your kids need you and get out of the marriage the man doesn't respect or love you.

Answer 4

Dont provide a knee jerk reaction because of the fact which you ought to later be apologetic approximately that. You dont incredibly have evidence of actually cheating at this juncture in simple terms texts. you ought to ascertain the right certainty in the back of those texts - so which you ought to talk on your husband head to head. Get somebody to look after the youngsters. Get some sleep. Then face him. Be calm and rational and till now the head to head ask your self one needed question. Do you nevertheless choose him as your husband? If the respond isn't any, gently tell him this and say you would be in seek of a ideal sepration and could choose mediation to variety this out and get admission to to the youngsters. If the respond is particular, you ought to describe how he has ruined your have confidence by his behaviour. Ask to work out the texts - if it incredibly is in simple terms flirtation then he wont like it, yet he enable you to work out them. i think of you ought to communicate to the female too. it must be aflirtation now yet this could convey approximately an affair which might smash your marriage. i understand of too many acquaintances who've been in this occasion and thrown out their better half, long gone by a divorce and then 2 years down the line regretted it and needed that they had worked it out - yet by then its too late. So think of very intently what it incredibly is you want to do. you have your infants to evaluate too. no longer in simple terms you. He must be telling the actuality and you ought to make a small allowance for that. placed it to him that if it have been you receiving those texts - how might he have felt? What might he have carried out in any different case to the way you reacted? attempt, notwithstanding it will be no longer elementary, to talk to him, because of the fact in case you adore one yet another nevertheless, then the marriage is incredibly worth combating for.

Answer 5

Short of catching him in bed with another woman what other concrete proof do you need? He was using ED drugs and not sleeping with you...so clearly he was sleeping with someone because men don't just pop Cialis unless they are looking to get lucky!!! CDs with another girl's name on them, staying out late, not having sex with his wife?

So basically because you cant sell your house you are trapping yourself in a marriage where you husband clearly has no real intention of remaining faithful? You have to ask yourself what's more important, good credit or peace of mind?

Answer 6

Look if you wait until the house sells, you will never leave. You know it takes both signatures to sell, and if he doesn't want to sign you can't make him.
What's more important, you credit or getting out of your marriage. Dump the vredit and move out as fast as you can

Answer 7

You can leave, you have to decide to live in anger, suspicion etc or to staep out and start again. All will fester and explode if left. If he is cheating it is eventuality that it's over. If he is confrontable you need to know the truth. Don't you have some friends or family you can fall back on. Gather your strength and wits and move fwd.

Answer 8

Shame on you for staying in a miserable relationship because of money. Regardless of what he has done wrong, YOU choose to stay, and until you get your confidance and self respect up and leave, you're destined to be miserable.

Answer 9

If he hasn't made love with you in a year and a half....he probably is cheating. And adultery is biblical grounds for a divorce, but maybe you can forgive him. Pray about it.

Dedicate your life to God and tell him to do the same...and then tell him that you will stay and try to work things out.

Answer 10

Maybe u should slip the ED meds in his meal when he gets home in the evening.......and it will take your mind off of everything when it kicks in.......