I am married and just found out that I am pregnant (only about 7 weeks), so no one besides my husband even knows yet. I love my husband more than life, but I feel guilty becasue I do not know how I can love a child nearly as much as my husband. I don't even want to love anyone else as much as I love my husband. Am I a crappy person? What's wrong with me?
2007-07-20 08:04:36 · 38 answers · asked by jrhod263 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No in fact your going to have a great marriage and family if you love your husband more than anyone else. It's the way God intended it to be but in our sinful diseased society
millions treat their kids like little gods, afraid to raise them properly or discipline them. Keep doing what your doing!
2007-07-20 08:07:13 · answer #1 · answered by Buffet4life 4 · 3⤊ 2⤋
Nope. Not crappy at all!! TOTALLY NORMAL.
Very few moms talk about this, but I for one don't think it's healthy to love your children "as much as" - and certainly not "more than" your husband.
First, the love you will feel for your child will be different than the love you feel for your husband. Like night & day. There's no way to quantify and compare the two. It would be like asking "Which tastes more like an apple: an apple, or an orange?" Two entirely different things.
Second, that you're not feeling that love yet doesn't surprise me at all. A lot of women don't make that super-bonding connection until the kid is actually born. Before then it's just a swollen belly; seems almost alien (I know, I'm the coldest woman alive). It'll happen. Maybe not right away, but most women eventually bond with their babies - especially if you breastfeed (which is totally your decision, by the way. Don't feel pressured either way!). It's actually a hormonal response. Nature has a way of working things out.
Third, call me crazy, but I think a couple's relationship needs to come before the kids. Aside from providing the basics (which of course you would: food, enrichment, love, medical care, etc...), what the kid really needs is a loving, stable, healthy environment to grow up in. Kids learn from example. If you start focusing solely on the child and neglecting each other, it WILL take its toll - and the kid will grow up feeling entitled, like they're the center of the universe (which they are not, no matter how "special" they may be). Yes, time will be an issue because kids take a lot of time. But people have gone waaaay overboard in the way they make the children the central focus of the family. Mommy and daddy matter, too!
Congratulations, and good luck. You'll be fine.
2007-07-20 08:17:54 · answer #2 · answered by Courtney 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry, you'll have plenty of love for both. Love isn't something that runs out. Think of love like a never ending river of water. You might dump buckets all over your husband but the river continues to flow. When your baby arrives you'll understand. You will both have so much love for your child that the river will seem flooded. There is nothing wrong with you. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. We have four children that we can't imagine life without. We continue to love each other like we did when we first met. What a great example it is for a child to be in a home with loving parents! Hang in there, you won't really understand until you meet that baby for the first time. Good luck and congrats! :)
2007-07-20 08:18:20 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will love your child, like you can never imagine, you will see. You will fall in love with your child little by little each day. Once you become a mother you will understand. Don't feel bad about the way you feel right now. Once your little one comes into this world, you will feel that that baby has been assigned an angel that will love him/her unconditionally and that angel is called MOM.
I don't want to be unfair with our husbands, but the love that a mother can feel for their child is indescribable, you will not find enough words to explain to them how much you love them.
Your feelings will be changing little by little, in the mean time if you feel weird, at least take care of yourself, so you can have a healthy child, eventually you will thank yourself for that. God Bless you and your child. Just so you know once I became a mother I became a little less arrogant, much more conscious, and much more humble.
2007-07-20 08:30:56 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs. Frog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think that you are a crappy person. Nothing is wrong with you, at all. The best way to love your child is by loving your husband. Your child will learn about love through observing the love you and your husband have for each other.
2007-07-20 08:11:15 · answer #5 · answered by Kristina M 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
How can you not love this little miricle that with God's help, you and your husband created? You can love your child, it just takes time. You are not a crappy person and nothing is wrong with you. Once you feel the baby kick it will be a reality and you will grow to love the new baby. And you can always talk with your doctor. Good luck
2007-07-20 08:11:17 · answer #6 · answered by deb2rule 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Alot of ladies feel the same way, this will change when you have the baby and you will see that you can love both. Bets are in the long run, you will realize that the child has your heart just as much as your husband. Another thought is that marriage may not be forever, the child will be.
2007-07-20 08:10:39 · answer #7 · answered by emortalwolf 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You dont have to love the baby more than your husband. Once you have the baby youll figure it out. It's something thats hard to describe but you'll them them both "more than anything in the world" BUT in a different way. You love your husband for certain reasons and you will love your baby for completely different ones. And actually once you have your baby you will find that youll love your husband even more, because then he will be a husband and father and someone that helped you bring a miracle to life. Its a whirlwinde of emotions. I love my husband more than anything but I honestly could never have describe love at first sight until i saw my son born. Don't worry now. Your heart and your emotions will take over any of your doubts. Congrats on the pregnancy! (meanwhile enjoy all the alone time youll have with your husband)
2007-07-20 08:10:18 · answer #8 · answered by Cass 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's OK. I felt the exact sam thing. It's beautiful, and shows how much and how deeply you do love your husband.
Don't worry about it, because when you have your baby, it's an immediate, unconditional love that grows every day. It's a different kind of love than the one you feel for your husband.
And you know what the most beautiful part is? You will BOTH love your baby so much, and your love will grow from that.
2007-07-20 08:10:17 · answer #9 · answered by yogi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you are normal. I feel the same way. All I know is that you will love your child and take good care of it. Your husband is your life partner, so I think it is normal to feel for him above all else, but you will have a tremendous love for your child as well. Don't worry. You are not a bad person!
2007-07-20 08:17:03 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Who said you should love the child more than your husband? The love you share with your husband is completely different from the love you'll have for your child. I don't know what's wrong with you, but you don't need to go into this pregnancy with guilt feelings, especially guilt that is unwarranted. This should be a happy time for you and your man, not a time for guilt and unrest. You're acting like a child.
2007-07-20 08:15:18 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋