Don't try to say it's love. I love diet pepsi and I don't want to marry one. Don't try to say it's commitment or loyalty. I am commited and loyal to the diet pepsi company and I don't want to marry one. Don't try to say it's communication or trust. I can communicate with the diet pepsi company and I trust them but I don't want to marry a diet pepsi.
Don't try to say it sex or intimacy or children. We all know how hard it is to have children, to have a sexual encounter and to be coveniently intimate.
Don't try to say it's the whole religious issue and/or the vow thing. Non-believer's stay married just as long and/or get divorced just as much.
Love, Commitment, Communication, are not destinations in life, but instead simply feelings along the way. You don't get to Love USA and live there forever.
Honestly, what is the GLUE that binds a marriage?
2007-07-20 07:45:02 · 41 answers · asked by Daniel 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Interesting answers so far. Don't be confused my question did not indicate the referenced emotions/feelings, etc. and not IMPORTANT to marriage.
As for friendship which appears to be an obvious yet unsophisticated answer: I respect and have very good friendships with my neighbors, my pastor, my children, my sister's-in-law, etc. but I don't want to marry them.
2007-07-20 08:17:43 · update #1
Seinfeld makes me laugh... don't want to marry him! Some people are passionate about politics... they don't want to marry the GOP!
2007-07-20 08:21:51 · update #2
What works for us is knowing that we care and love as a couple. None of this better than you or I crap. None of this I want or I need crap. Marriage is not a contest, it's not a test period or a battlefield. We have held together so long because of our ability to recognize one another's feelings without throwing up in each others' face whose the better spouse or parent. We have our faults, like anyone else does, but we also place our love and family first over anything else.
My wife did for me what everyone else was incapable of. Caring, kindness, compassion, and straight forward wisdom.
Most people you meet everyday are out to destroy one another whether married or single. They complain about whose doing who and who's got more in the marriage.
People marry for status, money, looks, and the very last one, love. I placed love last because there was a time when it meant something to many people and it doesn't mean much to most people out there. There are men whom talk about their trophy wives and wives whom talk about their trophy husbands. Since when did a spouse become a trophy?
My wife saw far beyond my hatred for humanity, looked beyond my scarred face and body and saw something that no one else could see. She saw a person that still cared enough to help others and not himself first. Yes, I place others well above me, my family first.
It's what you go through, you experiences as a couple, good, bad, and ugly that keep you together. To realize that trial and error is a mere obstacle that is easily overcome if you love each other enough to hold on to it without the slightest bit of resentment for surviving this far. The will to go on without giving up on one another and learn from mistakes.
Nothing is ever perfect. But we all sure as hell try. And that's what makes us who we are. Human.
2007-07-20 09:22:13 · answer #1 · answered by tercentenary98 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Friendship. Someone once told me that people marry for 3 different reasons at 3 different points in their lives: the first time is for sex (that's while young), the second is for children (that's older) and the third is for companionship (that's in later life). The marriages I've seen be successful encompass all 3, but particularly the companionship part.
Marriage should be a haven from a mean ol' world, so the happy old couples I see always look like they've been best friends for a very long time, no matter what. And some of them have been through very tough times. But it doesn't matter because they always know there's somebody on their side.
Oh, and you can't be best friends with a Diet Pepsi, no matter how refreshing it might be...
2007-07-20 07:53:07 · answer #2 · answered by KD 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Then what CAN we say to answer your question?
My husband is NOT a can of Diet Pepsi, yet I can surely tell you that our marriage works because of the amount of love we feel for each other, our communication level (we do talk to each other about everything), our friendship, our sex life, etc...
It's a combination of all of that, and also, an acceptance that this is the person we chose to spend our lives with, no matter what.
I will tell you that I never second-guess staying with him for the rest of my life. I accept that he is my husband forever and when you know that, you do do everything you can to be happy together.
2007-07-20 08:01:00 · answer #3 · answered by yogi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love is a requirement and to have love you have to have a good marriage that protects it. There are different kinds of love and the love of Pepsi is not comparable to the love you have for your life-mate. To have a good marriage you have to have commitment, respect, communication and trust. Without those things you don't have a viable relationship or lasting marriage. Sounds simple, but it can be difficult in practice at times.
2007-07-20 08:08:07 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will tell you the truth. Honor, Respect, Appreciation, for yourself and the one you are married to. You honor your vows,You respect your love, you appreciate the fact that with your spouse you are a force to wreck en with. Without honor, you end up cheating on your spouse. Without respect you don't communicate, Without Appreciation you don't grow together. Marriage is not a death sentence. It is a guarantee that in this life you have someone to watch your back. Hold your hand, and explore with. My 10 year anniversary is this weekend and we have been through everything you can think of. Poverty, separation, sickness. But what we always remember,we are all adults and there is nothing we can't conquer. There always going to times were you don't click but that doesn't mean you give up. People need to honor there desicions and not think giving up is the only way.
2007-07-20 08:15:34 · answer #5 · answered by fabulosity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that the reason we have stayed married is because we are willing to change. Marriage is a lot of work, but it is sooo worth it.
Year one sex is first, but all the others are right behind it
Years 2-5 communication, the others are still there
Years 5-10 commitment, these are tough years
Years 10-15 religion, your vows and loyalty
Years 15-20 back to year one!!!
I love marriage, but it takes a lot of compromise and learning to say you are sorry.
Love is a decision that few people make, I did!!!!
2007-07-20 07:51:35 · answer #6 · answered by mel s 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Wow! Good Question. But you are wrong in saying that those thing do not keeo a marriage together. Because if you do not have all of those things your marriage will fail.
Love, Commitment, Communication, Respect, Trust, and Sex are keys in helping people stay married.
2007-07-20 07:56:44 · answer #7 · answered by To The Point 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My head is off to you! Very well said. I have been married for over 17 years, and it is a very hard work to be happily married. Smile. That said, I would bring another bullet to your list a GREAT FRIENDSHIP. It carried us though some tough stuff through the years. There are also things like knowledge and acceptance of each other, unconditional support through out our personal growth. BTW, the shear certainty that he has your back no matter what life has thrown at you would keep most of us married and happy for years.
2007-07-20 08:06:23 · answer #8 · answered by ms.sophisticate 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Realism: accepting that you can never control another person; that your spouse is flawed and will never be perfect; that your spouse is beautifully human.
AND
Compassion: Cutting each other some slack when needed. Ties in with realism.
AND
A desire to be together: If you really like someone - like who they are, how their mind works, their integrity and nature - you can deal with the waxing and waning romance, the work stress, the kids; just having your best buddy around is motivation enough to meet each other at least halfway.
I think people fail to realize that marriage isn't always 50/50. Sometimes it's 30/70, 60/40, 70/30, 40/60... it's getting over it and remembering the common goal that matters.
2007-07-20 07:53:38 · answer #9 · answered by Courtney 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First and formost, I believe that you must have two people on the same page that are willing to do whatever it takes to build a solid foundation. Once those two people make the committment that they are in this relationship come hell or high water everything else as far as love, communication, loyalty, etc. is what helps with longevity.
2007-07-20 07:59:03 · answer #10 · answered by D H 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋