in five years. You are kind of like roommates. However, you have a child together, the child is 8 years old. You really want to live as you are 40 and know that life does not last forever, however, do you wait until you have found someone else, get a divorce before hand and possibly let the child suffer, or continue to be friends with the person that you have married and just live that way. Just that the possibility of finding someone to love and who loves you back is appealing, too Cinderallish? Just give it up for the sake of the child, or go for life? Is it selfish to get a divorce when there is a child involved? or do you just stay with the person even thought there is NO attraction or desire b/c?
Please no sarcarm.
2007-07-20 04:45:04 · 33 answers · asked by bck2liberty 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well, I have tried getting a room for him in various places, just the two of us, he falls asleep, as far as disaster....I had brain surgery, fell down 9 concrete stairs after, have broken facets in my neck, chronic pain, damage to the rt frontal lobe, went through Hurricane Katrina, lost everything we had, how many more disasters?
2007-07-20 05:12:31 · update #1
Oh, and we never shout and scream! I do not argue. we just don't talk other than how was your day, great and yours? Great?
2007-07-20 06:43:26 · update #2
OMG you have suffered enough . Get out now don't waste anymore of your life . Find a good man that loves you and will give you and your child the love you deserve . You aren't doing your child any good by staying in a loveless marriage . Children pick up on the tension and stress and it isn't good for them . I hope you find the happiness you deserve . God Bless
2007-07-20 05:34:06 · answer #1 · answered by feistyirishme7 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think as it would probably be by mututal agreement and therefore no shouting and screaming in front of the child, I would seperate and go your own ways.
You are not too young at 40 to start over, kids are pretty resiliant, as long as you explain that you love him the same, just that you and his dad dont love each other as a married couple etc i think you will be fine.
Do you want to be on your deathbed in years to come regretting bitterly that you didnt move on and start afresh?
As long as you put your child interests first, make sure he sees you both regularly etc, I think its time to move on.
If you are both happy living as brother and sister thats fine, but when one of you isnt, then some thing definitely needs to be done.
You may be worried about what people will say, but do you really care about what the neighbours/friends think? You have to be proactive and sort this out. You cant stay with him if there is no love and romance there, and Im sure he will see t the same way once you sit down and talk.
All the best.
2007-07-20 06:40:39 · answer #2 · answered by lozzielaws 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I understand it would be a tough choice since there is a child involved but I think your child would be better off with a happy mother and father, even if that meant a divorce. If you're not happy with life, a child can pick up on that emotion. If you decide to get divorced it will be hard at first but assuring him/her that both parents love him/her will be important. Some counseling might help through the process too. You shouldn't feel bad about wanting to find someone that loves you back, that's a normal desire. Good luck!
2007-07-20 04:55:55 · answer #3 · answered by Miz Jones 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not sure I understand, you say you have not had a relationship with this person, but you have a child together? Are you saying you did at one time but now you essentially don't have one anymore, besides just living together? Have you spoken with this individual about this? I think the first step in all of this is communication..you obviously either loved, or thought you loved this individual at one time..you got married and had a child together. Ask him how he feels about your relationship, if your not "loving" each other then he has to feel something of the same way or he would be getting frustrated with you, if you were being cold when he was trying. Plan a dinner and talk it over....the child makes it harder but depending upon the child's age it could be easier. Above all things though you have to be true to yourself in the end...if your not in love then your not in love and everyone's hope is to find the lifelong love. I've met a lot of people in your situation and they are just content to stay married with the children. YOU have to do what's best for YOU in the long run...but you can do it so there is less hard feelings between yourself, your child and your husband. Communication is the key, talk to him....
2007-07-20 04:53:17 · answer #4 · answered by jimstock60 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you've had your share of difficulties. These can weigh heavily on a marriage, and cause problems such as yours.
Have you talked to him to ask him if he's even interested in sex anymore, or ever again?
It sounds like you are ready to begin living life again, and that you've already decided that the no sex situation is not for you.
You have three choices;
You could search for an affair, but affairs always end badly and hurt everyone involved.
You could divorce, with the reason that he's not fulfilling the marriage contract. (Yes, denial of sex is grounds for divorce)
You could stay and be unhappy and resentful that you're not living life to the fullest.
Each choice has painful and difficult aspects to concider. Choose the one that will make YOU the happiest.
Your child will be alright if you divorce. It will be hard at first, but children would rather have their parents be happy. She'll know you are unhappy if you live an unhappy life, and what would that be teaching her? That her mother didn't care enough about herself to be happy? That would not be setting a good example for her.
I've known people in your situation, and none of them were happy about it. Some were more resolved than others, but all of them wished that they had a nice sex life.
I wish you the best of luck.
2007-07-20 07:50:30 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Another tough question and one that definitely can have many possible correct answers. If you have communicated your needs to your spouse and have exhausted all other possibilities of "relationships" with him then it may be time to move on. Will your child be truly happy if you are not truly happy. Most likely not! Kids can always pick up when something is wrong whether they let on about it or not! You deserve to be happy and your need for physical intimacy within a relationship is a very valid need. Adding someone else in to the mix on the side is never a good option. Just a huge complication! Talk to you spouse. Tell him you are not happy and can not continue on living this way. Wait for his answer. If he hears your valid need and still wants to continue on this way then tell him you will have to move on. This is a way more common problem than most know! I heard a stat on the news the other day that over 30 % of marriages in the U.S. were sexless. Unfortunately to be truly intimate with your spouse ( if both are able) you need this physical connection, otherwise as you stated you are just roomates/ friends!
Good Luck!
2007-07-20 04:59:29 · answer #6 · answered by Sunshine's Pic Is on 360 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel there is really nothing there and there is no way to try and make a go of it then i would say don't stay in a loveless relationship just because of your child.
Sometimes things go bitter after a while because you don't have the life you want and you may start to resent the person your with therefore being bad for the child anyway.
At the end of the day honey there only you who can make that decision
Good luck and i hope you happiness in what ever you choose :)
2007-07-20 04:53:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you and your partner need to have a good long talk. Let each other know how you are feeling. He may feel the same way you do? Or after talking you both may rekindle your love for one another. If, however that is not the Case, separating would be the option for all. No one should live a lie. You and you partner can still give your child a good life apart. He may already see how unhappy you are and think it is normal. Either way hon, talk to your other half, get it in the open and go from there. Good luck. xx
2007-07-20 04:51:23 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Me and my ex had a loveless relationship and we were unhappy, and it showed and affected the children too.
We were friends and nothing nasty was involved but there was no love there ?.
Anyway we spilt up and the children lived with their mum at first and then came to live with me through mutual agreement and they loved it, cause we the parents were happy so were they, it was like they had two homes, got holidays with me and their mum, spent many weekends with her, and at Christmas and birthdays they had two lots of presents to open too, and everything worked out well, and now they are adults they totally understand why we took this decision.
I'm not saying this would always be the case or work for you in your situation ? but children are not stupid, they will sense that your unhappy and as long as your child had happy parents - married or separated, a good home and were able to see their dad and family and keep their friends then i think they could be happy too !.
Maybe you and your husband should have a good heart to heart conversation and do whats right for all of you !!.
All the best.
2007-07-20 05:16:10 · answer #9 · answered by Richard 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is no easy answer to this. How did you end up marrying in the first place and having a child together?
I once heard that marriage is for status and affairs are for love, and judging by the amount of people who have or want affairs, the Cinerella dream is a bit of a long shot. The text books would say you need to talk to your hubby.
2007-07-20 04:53:53 · answer #10 · answered by MI5 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋