We are always held second and even third to my husbands father and brother. Their needs always come before my kids and me. Am I wrong for wanting more???
2007-07-20 04:31:48 · 51 answers · asked by eyeore 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Mind you, he has not been like this always, and his father and brother are both very functionable and healthy. Recently we sold a car and he gave all of this money to my inlaws for no reason that means much...it wasn't owed to them or anything like this. We are a 1 income family with 4 kids. ( He doesn't want me working while all of the kids aren't in school yet)
2007-07-20 04:53:35 · update #1
You are 100% right. Your husband married you, not his dad or brother. Isn't there something in the vows about "forsaking all others"? That's not just about other women. It means he's supposed to put his NEW family first. Don't doubt yourself. You are not wrong!
2007-07-20 04:35:28 · answer #1 · answered by katydid 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I guess it depends on his past. I mean you should always be first, but if there has been some rough things going on throughout his family then I can understand temporarily or for a long period of time father and brother #1. Some families are so tight they always leave family #1 priority. I don't think you're wrong at all, just need to understand that he needs to be there for his father and brother as well as wife and kids. Sometimes it gets hard managing all members and dividing times for all. Now if he goes to visit his dad while your child is playing a huge game then that's absolutely terrible, but if he goes to visit his dad while your kid goes to the park, then thats not such a big deal. Good luck I hope alll works out.
2007-07-20 04:36:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anthony C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hear about this alot. To a man usually his family before you is so important. Usually a mother but in your case his brother and father. That is ok for him to want to love and be there for his brother and father. But he did marry you and gave you his heart, sole, and promissed to be there for you no matter what. Also his children, he made, nothing in more important than your children. You do need to ask him, is your father going to be her forever, no. That means you live with your wife day in and day out and she should be the most important. Take care of her and your children together. So then should be in his heart to most. That means if you want to do something as a family, that should come first to your husband. Don't get mad at him just sit down and have a very nice and serious talk. Tell him you support him loving his brother and father but you need him more. A wife always looks to her husband for support and when you are not here because you are to worried about everyone else, that makes me really sad that I don't feel that I amd the children are number one to you. Good luck and hope you can talk to him and try to change his looks on things!
2007-07-20 04:46:51 · answer #3 · answered by mamato5Boys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure why he puts his dad and brother before you. Is his dad unhealthy? Is his dad old and he worries about him. Is there something about his brother that he needs special attention? Or does he get with his dad and brother to have fun with them and go on trips with them. I'm not sure what the category is here to give you a decent, honest answer. I think that a husband and wife should put each other first, the childen next and other family a good third on the line. Maaybe if you got a babysitter, you and your husband could have a romantic night on the town or a weekend vacation, with his family ur yours taking care of the kids. He needs to do things with the children, too. and then you all do things together. Would you please tell me what your husband does with his dad and brother that upsets you so much and how often do they get together? I am interested to know.
2007-07-20 04:41:36 · answer #4 · answered by The pink panther 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
HELL NO!! you are not wrong. I have been in the family counseling business for a long time and this is a problem in many households. It is your husband's obligation to place his family above anyone else, in fact, it is mandatory before his kids start doing the same to him as they get older. Here are some tips: 1. start having fun with your kids alone and then tell him about your day later. Have tons of fun. Sometimes the father begins to feel left out. 2. Ask him if "he still love you and the children," no one enjoys that kind of guilt. 3. Make suggestions for family activities that may sometimes involve his father and brother. If his needs are considered then he may become more compassionate. Good luck and things will work out fine!
2007-07-20 04:40:12 · answer #5 · answered by elreydechess 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Nope your not and that is how it should be. Where do you put your husband? More then likely at #1 with your kids. He should do the same. He needs to realize his father and brother will always be there for him, but if he doesn't start treating you right You will take your kids and find someone who will. Explain this to him. If he doesn't start shaping up in a week I would start packing bags infront of him. Just so he can get the clue your serious!
2007-07-20 04:37:30 · answer #6 · answered by tjnw79 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Is not wrong for you to want that because it SHOULD be that way. He needs to understand that if he ever want a good family relantionship like he has with his father and brother he should start with HIS family. I have almost the same problem, the difference is my husband put his work a thousand times before me so at least you have it a little better. Like I heard a guy say: "in marriage there are 3 rings, the engagement ring the wedding ring and the suffering". Try to talk to him and I hope he understand. Good luck!
2007-07-20 04:41:54 · answer #7 · answered by Natasha 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Has he always been this way?
If so, then yes, it is wrong for you to want to change him. It is a common thing for people to marry, accepting things that may bother them, then after a few years, they try to change those things.
If he hasn't always been like that, then it may be that he doesn't realize that he is putting you second. human tendancy is to neglect those things that we feel are secure. He may feel that you and your kids are able to bear the sacrifice of what he is doing (thinking that he would do it, so why not you). It may be difficult to convince him otherwise, and it usually comes off as nagging.
Think of a compramise with him and let him know that you and the kids miss him and need him. With men, the best thing for you to do is boost his ego.
2007-07-20 04:43:10 · answer #8 · answered by Robert San 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG!! I am having the same problem with my husband. We seperated and are trying to work it out. I get mad @ him b/c he makes plans and then tells me later what he's about to do. He calls his dad & sister all the time and they call constantly and they all live in a 50mi radius!! He does errends for his brother who lives 40miles from town and we don't have $$ for gas, etc.
Anyway sorry to rant I asked him the other day to start working on us and tending to what we need and our daughter needs and you know what he told me...I just have so many people to please!! WHAT really ME and our daughter are the only people I think he needs to please FIRST then the others.
He will drop anything to please his dad and sister...ugh! You know what makes me mroe mad is that they let him...they obviously don't see how manipulative and greedy they are being, they should say ask your wife or maybe you guys allready have plans but nope they don't!! When you find something that works tell me!!
2007-07-20 04:38:05 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No you are not wrong. You should be his first priority and then your kids, that you had together. Him giving money to his family if just crazy. He should have taken you and your kids on a vacation or something. You have a right to be upset about this.
2007-07-20 05:41:22 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋