I met you years ago, yet it seems like yesterday.
You gave me pain, unbearable
And heartache, unimaginable
Yet here I stay.
The years have gone by fast, yet slowly I still wait.
For a glint of hope,
or a murmur of truth.
I lay here, unable to leave.
You’re love has captured me, like a butterfly in a net.
Seemed a good idea in the beginning, slowly I forget.
I wait here forever, yours for the taking, never leaving, forever waiting.
2007-07-20 04:14:33 · 19 answers · asked by Candy 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
I am not insecure at all, this isnt even about a relationship I was in.
2007-07-20 04:22:08 · update #1
Keep writing, you have a talent.
not everyone will like what you write, but that does not mean your poetry is bad, it just means they have different tastes in poetry.
2007-07-20 04:18:29 · answer #1 · answered by bgee2001ca 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this has nothing to do with the poem but you sound very insecure. Maybe you should go out and look for what you want instead of whatever guy/girl or whatever put you in a net. self confidence is very attractive- stupid poems aren't. Not a good way to solve heart- ache. Dwelling on things in excess is unhealthy.
2007-07-20 11:20:09 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The phrase "yet slowly I still wait" sounds awkward. I would substitute the word "patiently" for "slowly". One cannot wait slowly.
I would nix the phrase "yet it seems like yesterday"
Good start. Keep reworking it.
2007-07-20 11:30:08 · answer #3 · answered by Gin Martini 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not a bad poem.
Just a really bad scenario.
Is it about you?
Love can be so much more than that.
You have a lot to give someone.
Don't waste it.
God bless, and good luck.
2007-07-20 11:20:57 · answer #4 · answered by C Sunshine 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it sounds like someone got dumped...either that or forgotten, dismissed, disregarded. That must hurt...I can understand why you'd write this, but does the person it's intended for realize you've written it or even care?
Love,
Snag
2007-07-20 11:17:05 · answer #5 · answered by snaggle_smurf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good, I like the last line.
2007-07-20 12:31:51 · answer #6 · answered by Dinosaur 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love the simplicity of the first verse especially. I think you should stop there as it says it all. Well done.
2007-07-20 11:23:22 · answer #7 · answered by cobra 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it! It seems so sad, yet like it's coming from the heart.
2007-07-20 11:23:36 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would work on the words you are using. Use words to make me feel what you're feeling. Keep writing.
2007-07-20 11:18:01 · answer #9 · answered by Viola G. 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It tells a story, but it doesnt really flow - sorry.
Try rewording - it could have potential!
2007-07-20 11:18:35 · answer #10 · answered by lookin4hope 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋