My live in boyfriend recently took our child to visit his ex wife (of 4 years). He asked me to join but I declined. By declining the invitation I thought that he would realise how he is hurting me by taking our child to see her. But he went ahead with the visit without me! Also, a few weeks ago, his mother went to visit his ex wife. I was so furious because they do not have any children together yet his family keeps in contatc with his ex wife. What should I do? Should I dump him? Cary on with my silent treatment? Adopt another child? Please suggest something...I am so depressed and putting on weight.
2007-07-20 02:45:31 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Just because a couple do not/did not have children together doesn't mean they can not be freindly toward each other. She was his wife for 4 years. His family bonded with her. Personally I do not see anything wrong with them keeping in touch.
However, I do find it a bit odd that he would take the child you and him created to see his ex wife. She is not even the youngsters step mom. That should not have been done and as the little ones mom you had a right to say "No your not".
2007-07-20 02:52:31 · answer #1 · answered by mikeae 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You said , " by declining the invitation I though he would realize...." That is making an assumption. Everybody does not think alike. Best thing would be to sit down when you are feeling calm and reasonable and discuss this with him. Tell him your feelings... allow him to tell you how he views it without jumping on his ***. Decide what YOUR bottom line is.... (for me, I probably wouldn't mind) You must decide where you stand and it may be that you insist on NO contact with her at all. Can't do anything about his family, though if you are close with any of them.. you could try to bring it up for a talk. Silent treatment is counter-productive... helps nothing and causes more resentment.
Treat your depression and take care of your health (weight)
Those are your responsibilities no matter what anyone else does!
2007-07-20 02:57:54 · answer #2 · answered by Bentley 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can understand that you're upset about your boyfriend taking your child to see his ex. What's the deal there? Why is he still going to see her? That really seems odd to me since they have no children together. If he doesn't have a really good reason (and I can't think of one that I would think was good enough) I'd move on. I would think it wasn't over with them. As for his family, I wouldn't get upset about that. Maybe they just like her. They may have built a bond with her and that really has no reflection on how they feel about you. Don't bring another child into an unstable relationship. It wouldn't be fair to the child. Good luck sweetie.
2007-07-20 02:57:00 · answer #3 · answered by mjm52 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't control who his family members talk to. I don't know how long your boyfriend was with his ex, so they might still have that bond with her.
As for him visiting her, I don't understand why he does that and taking your child?! Wow! My ex husband tried to set up an "accidental" meeting with his ex gf (we were still married at the time) because he wanted to introduce our son to her....when I found out, I went ballistic!!
Instead of going silent on him and declining to join them for a visit to his ex, you should have voiced your opinion on the matter...he can't read your mind and you shouldn't expect him too....having said that, he's being insensitive to you by continuing to see his ex and it's just a slap in the face to you by taking your son.
Speak up girl and tell him, this is just unacceptable!!
2007-07-20 02:59:57 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because of the weight gain, you are not confident in yourself. Don't worry abou the ex-wife and the families relationship. Start working out, take all the negative energy u feel and put that towards working it out on a treadmill. Your confidence level will shoot up I promise. Do your hair everyday, put on some make up and keep it pushing baby!!
2007-07-20 03:03:04 · answer #5 · answered by passionate 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why is your boyfriend going away to see his ex-wife with YOUR CHILD? That is disrespectful, and totally unacceptable. You need to sit down with him and talk to him and express to him why this is hurting you, and tell him how ridiculous it is that he, and his family are in contact with his ex-wife. You shouldn't've just declined the invitation, in hopes he would read your mind. Sorry, men are not capable of picking up vibes in that way. You need to articulate yourself, and your concerns, and your pain to him.
It would be one thing if he were taking THEIR child to see her, that would be understandable but they have no children, no ties, and thus NO NEED TO BE SEEING EACHOTHER. Maybe he isnt completely over her. You need to talk with him and express how you feel... also why are you upset with it? It seems like you're feeling insecure, and that you need him to reassure you that he wants to be with you, and that you dont feel comfortable with his relationship with his ex. BUT the key is communication. I completely understand your concerns, but at the same time, shame on you for expecting him to just know what you want. He doesnt see a problem with the relationship, and for that reason he cannot see that you would .
Too often do people suggest divorce or seperation as the MAGIC solution! Try to talk to him first.
I wish the best for you.
2007-07-20 03:33:12 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
What?! I would be upset about this too.
To take a quote from alot of men: "We can't, yet are expected to read womens' minds." They seem to get into alot of trouble for it.
You can't do anything about his family's relationship with her, but you can do something about your child being taken over there and you can tell your BF how this makes you feel and what you want.
His answer to you may surprise or enrage you, but either way, you'll know where he stands on this.
2007-07-20 02:53:51 · answer #7 · answered by Yankee Micmac 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the first wife was a good person and the family just likes her.If you are secure in your marrage don't make such a big deal out of it,and don't keep gaining weight over it or he might just go back to her.
2007-07-20 02:58:05 · answer #8 · answered by crappiekat1 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well I think you shouldn't dump him i think you should just relax it happened to me maybe something happened to her and your boyfriend wants to cheer her up and maybe visit her and she how shes doing i think your boy friend really loves you he just has to do favors around the world and think maybe if your scared ask him why are you visiting her like maybe politely if u want like this: bob i really love you allot but I'm getting worried why are you visiting her and your mother sorry i just had to say it i cant hide stuff behind your back and theres your discussion good luck!
2007-07-20 03:15:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well Angelina,
Brad won't wait forever. He's asked you repeatedly to marry him, and you just keep saying no. What's the guy to do? At least Jennifer whines all day about how the marriage failed with Brad, and cries her eyes out on public television, and writes books about how much she stills loves him, while you sit stoically by, enjoying your singlehood. It's probably affecting Brad's ability to keep it up.
2007-07-20 03:45:56 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋